threaduntangler

Grad students with significant others are much more likely to finish grad school than those without...

I find it strange how you assume that only those in grad school could understand hard work or long hours. My boyfriend certainly works hard and works long hours at his job. We're both advancing our careers and are able to support each other through it. It's really nice to be able to come home when you're really stressed out and don't have a lot of time and dinner is cooked, dishes are done and laundry is washed and folded.

Wow, this thread old, but have to comment...
 
However, I can't see myself fitting in with a cohort that consists of a bunch of third-generation top-tier college kids, trust-fund offshoots, and the kind of kids that the author of this article describes.
I went to a "lower level" Ivy -- I'll leave it at that to protect my anonymity), and I was a first-generation (though white) female student from a lower-middle-class family.
My experience of the community was not as you describe above. Many of my friends took out loans (I did, too), and some were working part-time to help pay expenses, and some were theater geeks, and some (of course) were more business-oriented. My boyfriend, though not a first-gen (though his parents went to low-tier state schools), came from one of the poorest towns our state. One of my pre-med roommates from a middle-class family worked hard as a waitress during the school year.
 
I don't think I had a single friend with a trust fund, though they certainly existed, as did third-gen students and students from rich families. But I also had friends from upper-middle-class families, and they were great, so-called "real" (see below), down-to-earth people. I even had a friend with a connection to the school via a parent, and this friend is the one of the most down-to-earth people I know. It's not as if these schools are cesspools of classism. It exists, as it does at all private schools, but it's not as oppressive as you would think.
Keep in mind these are research universities with multiple colleges, not small liberal arts colleges, which means there are lots of students, and all of them doing different things with their lives. It's very easy to avoid the "good old boys (and girls)" and make friends from all walks of life. It's also easy to avoid frat-life or its equivalent, simply because the schools are so large.
but that the kind of people the Ivy League accepts are mostly those who have been best conditioned to favor correct answers over interesting ones.
While many people I know did have good test scores and grades, I was accepted to an Ivy with a sub-1200 SAT combo, a C+ in a math course, and an excellent admissions essay. I'm also in the extremely practical and uncreative field of creative writing. Basically: I could not be further from the type of person you expect me to be, having gone to the school I did. I think you are right about prep high schools, but, while elite, those aren't colleges -- it's very different. I would say that my Ivy League education only further inspired and encouraged my creative endeavors, not stifled them.
make friends with REAL people,
 
Oh yes, you can only be a REAL person if you go to a non-prestigious state school. Just as only REAL Americans live on minimum wage in the midwest and are sure to read their Bibles before bed, while all the fake Americans live in NYC and Los Angeles with the gays and the atheists. I think you can make your point without implying that people who attended "elite" schools are somehow not "real" or worth your friendship. You don't strike me as the kind of person who would buy that social-conservative rhetoric, so why speak it yourself?
the box of an ivy
Not even close to a "box." How could you possibly make such a judgment about years of educational experience you declined? Have you forgotten that you did not, in fact, attend the school, and that you could have easily have had an equally (or even more) positive experience there? That you might have evolved artistically there, too? I had more intellectual and creative freedom and engagement than I could dream of in school, and my professors were more encouraging than ever when I came to them with creative endeavors. I really had a wonderful, warm, and stimulating educational experience at my "fancy" school. I don't doubt, however, that I could have had a similar experience and grown in similar ways if I had attended my non-prestigious state school, simply because I can't accurately speak for experiences I never had.
The point:
I agree with glasses's commentary. I think we can speak to the value of attending a non-elite school (there are many) without acting as if an education from an elite school is somehow deficient ("the box of an Ivy," brb, laughing forever), or that the students at such schools are not worth knowing for X or Y reason. JFC.

Sorry folks. That article is bull. The inability to talk to someone who isn't of your class or educational background has nothing to do with where you went to school. It has to do with where you were raised and who raised you. Pure and simple. You don't "learn" how to be a snob in the Ivy League (or whatever public or private equivalent you might attend). The writer of the article just needs someone to blame for his own shortcomings. And people who agree with him who haven't gone Ivy just don't know because, well, they haven't gone Ivy. And using Gore and Kerry as examples to bolster his point is just lazy.

I did my undergrad at an Ivy and now I'm doing my grad work at an Ivy. But it was my parents, regular middle-class people who worked everyday and believed that goodness to others is a virtue--not my professors or deans or fellow students in college--who taught me how to interact with the world around me. But the ability to interact with people, to hold conversations and see other points of view? That was learned at home. Where, frankly, it should be.

Sure there WERE social and cultural things I learned at my undergrad Ivy that I can clearly see as marked as "different" or "special" in some people's eyes. But I don't have to let those systems define who I am. And there were things I saw there that bothered me at times. But I don't have to be pissed off at them when there are FAR more important things in the world to be pissed off about.

But I will say this: I've seen some selfish, mean, nasty, dumb, egotistical assholes come out of schools far off the Ivy path. What excuse do we give them?

The existence of this fella drives me insane.

I went to a fancy college for undergrad: I got financial aid because I was an emancipated minor, and it felt like a gigantic blessing -- giant doors opening on possibilities that I never even considered real. That sounds corny as hell, but it's true. I was also homeless for part of that, and during that time I lived in the crappy car that I bought when I moved out of my folks' place at fifteen. I snuck into dorms for showers. So on, so forth. And if someone had offered to get me an apartment, I would have taken it in a heartbeat and with gratitude. No delusions of grandeur: just a gal who got into a college that she didn't think she'd ever get into, found out she loved it, and was willing to do whatever the hell it took to keep going there. I also made some great friends there -- folks who were utterly understanding when I "came clean" about my living situation (something that I admittedly did very, very selectively, to about four classmates and a couple professors) and completely jazzed for me when I managed start making enough money to get myself an apartment!

Just an anecdote to say that not all folks who go to fancy colleges are (1) fancy or (2) asshats, and that people who are (1) fancy are not always (2) asshats. "Real" people exist everywhere -- and, as far as I can tell, so do pretentious jerks!

I just feel like humanities students are the most pathetic forms of people. Humanities are easy and pointless and that's why the field is so flooded. Sciences (such as physics) are what really impacts the world and changes things and helps people. What do humanities really do?

The students are pathetic too. They are miserable because they tried to do what they loved but society hated it. Society hates them because they are just writers and 99.9% of writers are pathetic too. Even the Simpsons hates grad students. Those poor grad students, they can't even watch the simpsons to escape their woe!

Idk, I loved humanities and thought they were great but now I realized that I was wrong to enjoy them and that writing, and humanities are bad, their practitioners are pathetic and that sciences are the only way, even if you don't enjoy them, because they are the only way to actually do things.

Maybe I'm just cynical.

It really does suck trying to live in NYC on a stipend, but you definitely will not be alone! It all depends on how many roommates you can live with and how much space you feel you need. You can definitely find a livable space with roommates in the East Village at the very least. My fiance and I live together, him on a stipend of $25k while he works towards his PhD at NYU and me on an internship stipend of the same. I hope/expect to be living with roughly the same amount next year, after applying to graduate schools!
For us, we couldn't stand the idea of living in a cramped space with others, especially because we have a few pets. We live in Brooklyn, where he grew up. We used to live in Williamsburg, which was very convenient, being right over the bridge to Union Square. It also, of course, has a young, fun crowd. But we moved further away from Manhattan, to Bay Ridge, because we got a lot more space and a more updated apartment for less money. For us, this is worth it. Our rent is $1200/month for around 700 square feet. We were paying $1600 for 600 in Williamsburg and that was a GOOD price for out area, but it was a lot less modern a space than our Bay Ridge apartment. Bay Ridge is a really safe, quiet area and our apartment is one block away from the subway stop. There are endless varieties of restaurants to eat at here, which is a huge perk. From the subway, it's around 30-40 minutes to Union Square on the R/N. It is not bad at all, and I sometimes make the trips several times a day...just sit down, pull out your reading, and before you know it, you're there.
You're probably going to end up getting an MTA monthly pass even if you live within walking distance to the relevant NYU buildings, so you won't really save money by living closer. I am 100% in support of living in the outer boroughs. The only things that is less-than-desirable is if you want to stay out in Manhattan till late at night on a weekend or whatever and stumble drunkenly into the subway only to find that service is wonky: your train's not running, not stopping at your stop, skipping your transfer stop, running only every 5 hours, is detouring to the moon, whatever. Just make sure to look at that info before heading out, would be my only suggestion. It's a lot easier to deal with that sort of situation when you live in Manhattan and the worst thing that would happen is you'd hail a cab and pay $15 to go across town or whatever. Still, all the benefits outweigh the drawbacks by far for me when I think of living in Manhattan vs and outer borough. When you're living on such a small amount of money in such an expensive city, every $100/month increment adds up!

Congrats on your acceptances, btw!

This is...a really cute question, to someone who's lived in the Mid-Atlantic region her whole life. I don't mean to be patronizing, it really just made me smile!

Like the others said, it rarely gets THAT cold here. I do a LOT of walking and don't own any special underlayers. On the coldest days (below 25 F), I'll probably curse when I walk out the door and that's about it. Otherwise, I just wear a good coat, scarf, thick socks, and possibly a hat and gloves if it's particularly windy or chilly. I've rarely bothered with a hat or gloves this winter! They just weren't necessary. I tend to wear pants of a normal thickness (no need for heavy-duty weight!) or a skirt or dress with thick tights, with a blouse and cardigan or jacket over top. That's definitely more than sufficient to stay warm! And once you get inside, you may find that it's so well-heated that you need to remove layers.