ioatc

Hello all, Graduate school has begun to run me down and left me confused about what to do. Hoping to vent and perhaps receive some input from those in similar situations. As an undergraduate I absolutely loved my field of study with learning and research being the highlights of my life. As one can imagine, because of this I thought graduate school was the most logical choice and academic progression. I feel now that I was sorely mistaken and made a terrible error in my judgment, whether it was the university choice itself or grad school altogether I don't know. Graduate school has managed to wittle away any existing passion for life, learning or for research. My fellow graduate students in the department revel in belittling one another and are rather cut-throat in their methods, which is nothing like my own personality. I'm not a person for conflict or suspicion and unlike the others I don't feel like I'm in a race to win. The advisor I have is rarely available and when I've come to him with questions, comments, or concerns, he deems my "woes" are part of the graduate school "experience" and to suck it up and figure it out myself. He absolutely refuses to answer any emails or phone calls unless they're in his best interest. I'm a self-sufficient individual by nature but once in awhile he and others in the department would be the logical choice to go to for information or support but obviously they don't see this as being part of their duties - "information dispersal and coddling" as it is put. I've stuck with this program so far because I've always strived to finish what I start and to be honest I felt like a failure even thinking about a withdrawal or transfer early on. Now that I only have two semesters to go I've lost all my interest. I am falling behind as I can't bring myself to complete assignments/writing. Sometimes at the last minute when I consider how many thousands of dollars I've paid in tuition for this semester (that I won't get back as its past the refund date), can I muster a half-hearted effort. I've developed what I'd best describe as a numb, apathetic feeling whenever I miss an assignment, fail to study, or am underprepared for a presentation or meeting (which has never happened before this point in my life). Recently reading employment statistics for those in my field only made the mood more dismal and I feel like I'm entering a state of doom and gloom depression that I don't want to be in. I'm now at the crossroads where I'm trying to figure whether there is some way to motivate myself to salvage the semester or withdraw and feel like I'm aimlessly floating about.