braunsg

Thanks for the input, everyone. I think a lot of interesting, valid points have been made. For now, I am leaning towards just going ahead with my plans of arriving at Yale in the fall and hoping for the best. After all, it's paid for, and if anything, I can leave whenever I want if I really hate it. It's also possible that these feelings of uncertainty I'm having are rooted too deeply in some of the dissatisfaction and setbacks I've been experiencing during my time on this grant. Maybe with a change in environment, I'll rediscover what I'm really interested in and get things moving

Last year around this time, I received an offer of admission to Yale for the biophysics track in their BBS program. I accepted the offer, but then I found out I received a Fulbright fellowship to do research in Japan. I accepted the Fulbright, was granted a one-year deferment to Yale, and now am living in Japan until about July. I've had plans all along to return to the states in July in order to prepare for grad school, but all of a sudden recently I've been having doubts about grad school, especially my program. Throughout this year, I've discovered that I'm really not all that sure I'm passionate about biophysics anymore -- in fact, I'm not really sure what I'm passionate about anymore, beyond Asian studies and learning Japanese. All my life, I've had this image in my head that I'd grow up to become a scientist of some sort, but now I'm coming face to face with the reality that I don't know if I'm really passionate enough about my topic. I also get really bored by research, which is something I've admitted to myself just recently, and I feel like a Ph.D. essentially only prepares you for a career in research or academia (although I do like the idea of teaching). I'm not sure if this sudden realization means I just need a change of direction in my studies or what, but it's scary because I'm set to go to Yale in the fall. What if I get there and realize I'm just absolutely miserable? That I don't like what I'm studying enough to push myself through it? I could just go for a masters degree, but I worry I would leave feeling like I failed because I couldn't finish the Ph.D. Alternatively, I could get to grad school, find something new that I'm really interested in, and focus on that. But what if that's not the case and I end up regretting everything? This is complicated by the fact that I know I'm passionate about Asian studies and Japanese language. I've always looked for ways to integrate Asian studies and science into a legitimate career path, but now I just feel like I can only have one or the other, and it's incredibly frustrating. I'm almost considering declining my offer of admission to Yale, but that just seems so risky, even given all my concerns about not enjoying what I'm studying. What would you do if you were in my shoes? How much passion does one really need to make it through grad school, and would I find my passion for something new ignited once I got there?