insane_in_the_membrane

I think it's mainly a cultural issue. In the middle eastern culture (yup, my roots are middle eastern), getting married and having kids is the most important thing a woman can achieve. I'm in my late 20's and I'm always looked at with those "poor you" eyes. I hate it. My sister was pressured into getting married, ended up having a kid 9 months later and she is miserable and it's all because she was pressured into it (lest you reach your expiry date). It's all such bullshit and I hate visiting because I'll be bombarded with "would you like to meet my son?" comments...haha. The pressure they put on young women is just disgusting-they end up settling because of their limited shelf life and end up miserable. In fact, I have been told by many of my married friends that they wish they did what I did - being in school was the best decision for myself. I enjoy my work, I'm good at it and I love being independent and for that I'm thankful for.

I have faced much criticism from some family members for doing my PhD. I hear stuff like "how are you going to get married?" and "when are you going to have kids?" Not to mention the infamous "you are wasting your time." I'm a strong person, but it takes a really tough person to be influenced by such negative comments. It's especially harder for a woman, because women are expected to do it all: have kids, do the womanly house chores, take care of the husband, etc (true for many cultures) and to be exposed to such negative comments can make somebody feel useless, when in fact you should be feeling the exact opposite. By reaching such a level you should be proud of yourself, as I also come from a region of the world where education is valued because it is a privilege. It takes a really tough person to tolerate such negativity- from family, from supervisors, from friends and if you can get through that, you will make it in the world. I am the only one of my friends that decided to pursue grad school- many have moved on with their lives and sometimes I feel like I'm in a stationary mode, still in school making minimum wage. But its important not to let people get to you, I have hope that in the end it'll all be worth it. Does anybody else relate?