yoshiko

Reading these replies reflects exactly what I am thinking! I have probably thought everything you are all saying, which is why this decision is so hard. Some of you asked if I would look back and regret my decision. I honestly think that either way, I am going to have a regret. If I go and get my PhD, I will have regret about not just staying where I am, financially comfortable, okay job, and an amazing partner. But if I stay, I will have regret about not exploring my abilities in this field. A POI at the grad program I am interested in, just emailed me telling me she would work with me...she is a big name in our field and she has already said she has space and is interested in being an advisor for me. Of course, once I start the program, this can change. But the possibility is amazing. how can I pass this up?? But I am afraid that I will get extremely lonely without my partner....ugh again I know I have to make this decision but these responses are helping me...

I really appreciate everyone's response to this so far. Reading other people's opinions really helps me put things into perspective. My partner is somewhat supportive of me getting a PhD. According to him, he wouldn't break up with me BUT he would be pessimistic about the future. He would try to make it work but he knows that it would be incredibly difficult. He had a long distance relationship before and it went really bad and so he is putting his previous experience into this - I can't blame him and I am also not that optimistic about it working wonderfully. But at least we are being honest about this... I'm still very torn. Some of my friends have said that if I am this torn about it, then I am probably secretly more into the PhD because if I was really set on getting married and staying here, then I wouldn't really be thinking twice about it. I think I might need to step away from this for a day or so...drive somewhere alone and really really think.

If you are reading this, you too are probably also making a big decision in your life. I am now in a complete dilemma because I have so many options and all of them are great and bad. I know that my decision will impact my life greatly. I have too many dreams and I don't see it being possible to achieve all of them and so now...I must decide between my dreams...(corny I know, but reality) Career dream: To get my PhD. I love academia. I already have my M.A. and am have been teaching for a few years at universities/community colleges and love it. People in my field can see me becoming something more than just an adjunct. I've received three admittances with funding offers and all of them sound great. I've already staggered them in order of which one I want and so deciding between programs is actually not a problem. Family dream: I am currently in a serious relationship. I love him dearly. He is very successful where he is now - in fact he makes three times as much as the average tenured professor. I would never ask him to move for my PhD studies and he has said he wouldn't move. I still applied to programs because I wanted to see what my chances were because it is my career dream. But now that there are offers on the table, reality is setting in. My partner has told me that he wants me to stay here, get married, and start a family. He says that I should be happy with my M.A. (I am by the way!) and continue to adjunct, despite the short fall and temporal conditions of adjuncting because he says he can support me no matter what. TL,TR: I want a family too, I love him, I love where I live. Adjuncting is not as bad as many people have said. I have my foot in the door in a few places and even though I never know HOW many classes I will teach, I normally teach every semester. So now I am caught with choosing between my family dream or my career dream. A long distance relationship under these conditions would be almost impossible. A PhD would change me. I know it would because I want it to. I don't want to rush through a PhD either and run home to be ABD. I want to experience life as a PhD student. BUT i also love love love him and want to stay here too. I am in my mid to late 20s. I know ultimately, this is my decision and it is a hard one. But I needed to vent this out to an anonymous crowd and if anyone has similar positions that would be interesting to read. I have until April 15th (like many of you) to make my final PhD decision.