curious zygote

I'm dyslexic, and not the, "ha ha I'm having a dyslexic moment" kind, but the on paper "I have this problem" kind. For basically all of my undergrad I refused to tell anyone. But something happened there toward the end. I realized that, if said in a matter of fact way it suddenly became a not-so-bad-thing. I actually wrote about it in an essay for my schools, and the response I got was really positive all around. But the trick, for me and my sense of self worth at least, is that I didn't blame things unnecessarily on my dyslexia. Sure, the extra GRE time needed explaining, but my grades were what they were, I made the choices I made and I didn't associate my performance with being dyslexic. Everyone has something that makes academics difficult at times, whether it is on paper or not, I'm no different. It was a very straightforward "this is what I have, this is how it has influenced my life, this is how I compensate". This approach has worked really well for me so far. I don't want to apologize or make any excuses because this is just one part of my life. It sounds like you're the same, in which case this approach may be of interest to you. Good luck in whatever you're striving for!

Hmmm.... but isn't the list up? So doesn't that mean that they've made all the awards, and are now waiting for HM (which is not up)? https://www.fastlane-beta.nsf.gov/grfp/ ... wardeeList

Well, according to the US news and world reports for grad programs in the biological sciences: Dartmouth = #34 Princeton= #12 (source: http://grad-schools.usnews.rankingsandr ... bio/search) Both up there. But I'm sure you know this I wouldn't give this too much weight, it changes every year, still, the numbers do look better for Princeton on this front. I would ask each school for stats on job placement after graduation. In terms of which has better PIs, it depends on what you're specifically interested in. I would look to see which school has more profs doing what you like, then maybe try to arrange a phone chat with one or two of them, do they seem like nice people? Would you want to work with them? Good luck!

I will sit down with a textbook for about 10 minutes before I get distracted. Two hours later while watching YouTube videos I'll be like, "oh, crap. I'm supposed to be reading". Then two more hours will pass... and then I will go to bed. Rest. Repeat. I am going to get pulverized!

I'm a science student, so I feel it is fair to say this- I really wish that humanities paid their students more. If you look on that website posted above (http://chronicle.com/stats/stipends/2008/2088.htm) and click randomly on schools, it always seems humanities gets the short end. Take University of Missouri at St. Louis: History = $5,500/yr for a TA, where as bio gets $15,808. I don't want to get paid less, I feel like the stipend I get is fair, but I don't feel like $5,500 or anywhere around there is at all reasonable. I don't even think $14,000 is very reasonable for the amount of time/effort you put in. I mean, you work your butt off, and your PI and the institution get a lot of recognition if you do a good job (pubs with their names on them etc). I've got some many super smart hard working friends in the humanities that are living on the edge of poverty. Really. I'm not a fan of the discrepancy. Ok. Rant over.

70%??? Geez. That's a bit much! I don't know anything about Stanford in particular, and I'm not sure about profs favoring students who have been pre-admitted for a PhD. This might be a question to post specifically for Stanford or for your field. Also, when I was deciding which school to attend I emailed a bunch of student in the program (randomly, so that admissions couldn't pic the 'happy ones', and swore to total confidentiality and also offered to call). I asked first if they'd be willing to help me out, and then if they said yes I sent them a whole list of Q, everything form 'how do you feel your preparedness compares with students from other schools' to 'do you hate your life?' (or something like that). Maybe you could email a couple of the students at Stanford and re-state your questions to them (???). If you came out with a really solid masters from Stanford, and didn't continue with their PhD program, do you think you'd be up to applying to other schools etc? That would be the "worst case" if you went to Stanford, and if that is still equal to or better than going to the other schools... I played the whole 'delayed gratification' thing for a long time though (still do?). I've learned it really is a load. You know? People spend so long being miserable that when they finally do get what they want they literally don't know how to be happy. Is getting a position at a top 10 school right out of your PhD worth the potential damage to your mental health? (I mean, 70%! That's insane). I had a choice between two schools- school A was an obvious choice for my field, and school B was anything but. I ended up choosing school B. A lot of the students I met at school A looked really unhappy, and everyone at school B seemed to be motivated by passion and curiosity. For me, the latter was really important, but I didn't really realize it was important to me until I went through the whole agonizing process of having to choose. I guess it's something everyone has to figure out for themselves. Wish it could be simpler though! I hope this helps! And keep us updated

If you got those two fellowships you should let Stanford know. I know for a fact that schools will reverse decisions based on funding. I would advise against being humble, send them an email. If you don't have a faculty member at Stanford that you've been in close contact with (sounds like they're "just ok"), send an email to the assistant dean of graduate studies for science. Politely let him/her know that Staford is your top choice, that you got all this funding, that you have other options for a PhD but if Stanford would be willing to re-consider letting you into the PhD program then you would like to attend. I can't say this works for everyone, but it did work for me (I was in a similar position when I applied to grad schools). The more difficult question would be one of where you really want to go, and if you really think going to Stanford will get you there. Doing great work is key, no matter the name of your school. If you think you'll enjoy living Palo Alto, if you think it is equal in terms of the quality of faculty (not just how good they are in your field, but also how good they are as human beings. Are they going to treat you well?), then it sounds like it's your #1 for good reasons. It sounds like they're not treating you as well as the other schools though. I've had friends get into massive train wrecks by going to the top program and then suddenly finding they hate it because the profs are in-human robots and the area sticks and they work their grad students like dogs etc... I don't think top 10 should be considered above all else, you know? Good luck. I vote YES to letting Stanford know where you're at. But if you're not feeling like it's a good fit than don't go. There are so many of us here in the Cafe that went to never-heard-of undergrads and are now in Ivy's or top 10s etc. So name isn't everything, I'm sure this is true for post grads too (I worked with a prof at Harvard when I was in undergrad (no, I didn't go to Harvard) and he used to joke that he would never have been accepted to any of the programs there )

I had a horrible HORRIBLE time making a choice. It was last year and I was stuck between two schools. The problem was that each school had things I liked and things I did not like, and they were conflicting (for example, school A had low cost of living and high pay but was in an area I really did not want to be in for five years, school B had the opposite). I look back on my journal from this time in my life and it gives me a stomach ache. Everyone was telling me "listen to your gut" and ever day it would say something different. I'd wake up thinking- yep school A is it, and go to bed sure that it was school B. Something pretty incredible happened to me though. At the last minute I heard from a school I wasn't expecting to, and suddenly everything cleared up. I chose school C and it became clear that while school A and B were both great (the people at both are phenomenal, kind and brilliant) neither was quite the right "fit". If I had made a choice between A or B, I am sure I would be happy with that choice, they were both good choices after all... I agree with the above: If you think you know which school is right for you, and it's just fear of making a mistake that is stopping you from deciding, well, that's never going to go away. Make the decision, take a deep breath, and relax for a few months. However, if you're really having problems, maybe thinking outside the box will help. Look to see if you can defer and take that time to re-evaluate. Are you are really REALLY having trouble deciding (like, not getting any closer no matter how much you think about it) or are you just worried that you won't make the right choice? Because there really is no such thing as the "right choice". It's not like on a game show where they flip the card you chose and then flip all the others. The way I see it (and this may be cosmic fatalism) 15 billion years ago (or about) there was a big bang. And the gas condensed, stars formed, then galaxies, plants, life emerged on this one, then 3.5 billion years of evolution, change, continental drift and after all that here you are. Exactly where you're supposed to be. It will work out, time will help. Again, I would just look deep inside yourself and ask if this is really more of an anxiety about making a mistake, or if you really can't decide. If your gut is telling you what's right, listen. Scientific studies have now shown the gut instinct is always much more accurate at weighing options than thought. If you're gut is not talking, maybe you should look into a 6-12 month deferral to give you some time to think (???) or something else along those lines. I learned so much about what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be when I was applying. Sometimes you need to process that info too, you know? Does that help at all? Sorry if it doesn't

How odd, both good and bad news for my sanity...

It would be awesome if you're correct. You don't notice all the little details until you start to freak out and find 1,001 things you didn't see before. All I mean is that I don't remember clicking on that link, and having that come up as a default in blue. I just remember being able to pick a year and look through... but maybe I am now noticing b/c they took 2008 down...

All I know is that when you click on the Award Offers and Honorable Mentions List this now comes up: 2009 Offered Award List * The list of Awardees and Honorable Mention recipients for the year you have selected is not yet available. It's been up since our freak out last night. I chose not to mention it because people had already said they weren't going to sleep, I didn't want to add to that with more guesstimation . But I was SO SURE that everything would be up today... I was actually shocked when I woke up and checked and nothing had changed... If the link is now going by default to the 2009 list then there is something going on... I swear this is new as of last night at like 1 am EST.

Yeah. I'll sleep on that. G'night all.

That would be a big NO! If we've learned anything in the past months, it's that there is no predicting this madness.

Blah- That's not necessarily true, there was someone in the Admissions Results that posted an HM. I think this sort of thing goes by alphabetical order or some other system.

LOL!

Yeah. I'm thinking that moment of excitement may just transition into more of the same ol' waiting...

Ok. So sorry to all those I just freaked out. I'm just calling it like I see it. Let's make a pact- we will NOT stay up all night for this!

And it appears the 2008 award list is no longer loading from the drop-down menu. This. Could. Get. Interesting.

So I'm starting to see posts on the Admissions Results pg for the NSF GRFP. http://www.thegradcafe.com/survey/index.php Is this for real?

I don't know if today is the day for me to be seeing results of any kind. It took me like 10 minutes of freaking out over the stupid gmail prank before it occurred to me that 01April = April fools. On the other hand, it was an outstanding laugh. Go to gmail.com and click on "learn more" for CADIE. F*ing brilliant!

A word to the wise for all new fellows: Fulbright requires a final medical clearance, when you get this, also have the doctor fill out any medical paperwork that you will need for your treaty permit/study visa etc. This will save you a second trip to the doctor. Also, FBI clearance can take three to four weeks, so if you need this for your permit, go get your finger prints now and send it off if you plan on starting this fall. (all info and fingerprinting documents can be found here: http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cjisd/fprequest.htm) Also, taxes are horrible to do overseas, so if you can get your self in order, and figure out what you will need to file for etc. before you go that will be a huge help. Fulbright is helpful if you get stuck while you're in another country, but I think they are limited in how much they can advise you for legal reasons. My friends and I spent waaayyyyy too long figuring out taxes, and I'm still not sure I filed them correctly.... For South Africa ppl- Let me know if you have any trouble with the treaty permit application. I was an SA Fellow 07-08, and being rather daft in these things I had a mission of a time getting myself organized. I've got all the pprwork sitting on my comp. So assuming nothing has changed, I might be able to save you a trip around the internet. Congrats to all!

Wow. This is bad. People are starting to crack! Seriously! When you start speaking like you're from middle-age Europe, you know it's time to log off and give it a break. Constantly hitting the send/receive button will hurt your index finger AND your sanity. To answer a question posted above (somewhere in the middle of the jousting match): there is still hope. Last year many people logged in or looked on the list to find out that they had won. Letters were delayed for winners as well, though I imagine two weeks would be a bit excessive. Deep breaths everyone... deep breaths....

To all- here is the stress reduction technique that I used my senior year to keep from spontaneously bursting into tears or throwing up due to the butterfly population explosion in my GI track: Lay on your back in a comfy position, preferably on a bed or couch etc. Place hands on stomach and take a deep inhale as you count one, two, three, four, five. At five hold for two counts, then exhale over the course of a count from one to five. When you inhale try to inhale to your hands, in other words, abdominal breathing. After you've taken one deep breath and exhaled, count it as number ten, the next series as number nine, all the way to one. This only takes a few minutes and I was doing it like 20 times a day. Physiologically, it serves to re-establish proper levels of dissolved gases in the blood stream, which in addition to the psychological factor, has an incredible calming effect. Making sure to take healthy, deep breaths will make all this more tolerable (or at least it did for me). May everyone rest well and relax!

Last year I received my login info with the email notification.

Do you know the kind of fatigue you feel after three or four days of poor sleep? It's still possible to function, laugh, eat and get on with things, but in the back of your mind you are exhausted. That's how I felt, all the time, in my senior year. No matter how much sleep I got, it was like a weight on my shoulders and a soreness in my bones. When I really recognized how burned out I was, taking time off was a non-issue. Here I had always thought I'd go strait to grad school and suddenly I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life! I applied for working abroad, and it sounds like lauraeli and I have had very similar experiences. I spent two years flitted around southern Africa, re-gained my energy and motivation and will be starting grad school this fall. I feel about 1,000 times more mature and capable, and no longer think of my academic pursuits as most valued (and thus vulnerable) part of my personality. If you're feeling the same fatigue I was, then maybe you should give it a break (???). A prof once told me, "if you don't go to grad school right away you may never come back", and he said it with this doomed voice, like I was actually contemplating walking back OUT of Heaven. Ha! If I never went back it would be because I DID NOT WANT TO GO BACK. Because it wasn't right for me and I found a better fit. Ditto above comments, grad school will always be there. Take care of yourself and your health and throw the "delayed gratification" argument out the window. It's crap. If you're constantly thinking that being miserable now will = happiness later than you'll never be happy. Graduate school is not right for everyone and there is no shame in that. Find a way to live a happy and fulfilled life and you will be more successful than most, regardless of the letters behind your last name. Good luck and best wishes!