practical cat

I'm bothered that it even matters at all. It shouldn't.

This is such a hilariously disturbing situation. Playing "guess gwwg's identity" is the nastiest thing that has ever happened to me on the Internet. Seriously guys, keep being bullies. It's cool.

"Well, I think we've just proven that we aren't actually talking about whether one is male or female, but rather whether one is masculine or feminine. Which, as any good gender theorist can tell you, is performed regardless of biology." This. Era sorry guys I have no idea why gradcafe won't let me actually quote things today.

... I was compared to a Nazi several pages back. This is the only time I have referred to personal attacks but, yeah, that was a big one. I'm not always talking about you, donthate, promise. Plus, yeah, when we're talking about whether or not their is room in the discussion for non-normative sexual identity, that IS about my person. Sometimes they do actually overlap. Unfortunately, acknowledging that opinions and arguments are not free from humans and feelings IS a feminine trait. I possess that trait.

I have several that I wish I could've justified applying to: UNC-Chapel Hill and Duke being the big two. But seconding two espressos, no Lauren Berlant breaks my heart. I regret almost overlooking Brandeis and knowing that almost happened makes me really jittery. No real regrets though.

My inner political theorist is doing cartwheels over Justice.

I think I've been lurking long enough to have known you to indicate, two espressos. I think.

I totally think you're the TARDIS.

Two espressos is going to get into all of the places. All of them. ETA by which I mean even to the places where no applications were sent.

Just because I am a femme-y writer doesn't make me a woman. I often make deliberate choices that are often more feminine because I believe that to be more productive (and, yes, kind) and because I do not think there is anything wrong with writing like a woman. I, personally, have not once been upset during this thread. Just because I choose not to put up with belligerence and personal attacks does not mean I can't handle an argument. It means I choose not to put myself in this particular situation. That has nothing to do with my sex, my gender identity, or my gender presentation. It has more to do with knowing my personal boundaries and how I am willing to allow myself to be treated. But seriously. No one has really told me WHY they think I'm a "girl."

asleepawake, stop stealing everyone's up votes.

Thirded. I thought for a second I had accidentally done it (I did that yesterday to someone and felt like a monster) but no.

I'm genuinely curious because I am usually VERY careful about revealing my gender/identity. Have I said something to indicate that (I may totally have in my initial post in this thread eons ago) or are you going from my username?

Ok, thanks guys!

Also, asleepawake, get it. If I hadn't already used all of my up votes for the day on you (by like 9am lol), you would get them all anyway.

We weren't having a discussion. I expressed a relevant opinion and then was told, mostly by econosocio admittedly, that it was an opinion that I wasn't allowed to express. I didn't feel as though I had anything productive to add (especially after being utterly shut down) so I removed myself from the really circular nonsense that was going on. Please stop acting like I'm attacking you because I don't wish to engage in these antics. I was really, really trying very earnestly to have a conversation and, yes, that involved bringing in a different way of approaching the situation because I didn't and still don't believe the language being used was helpful. I'm really sick of the drama and I have a really short fuse with it after however many weeks this has been going on. If you weren't going to have a real conversation with me (and no, belligerently telling me I don't know how to express myself is not having a conversation), then I am not going to continue to try. Please just leave me out of this going forward. Thanks.

Lol nope. Thanks for putting words in my mouth though. But it's great that you're accusing everyone else of selectively reading your comments! This is the shit you dole out to people who make the terrible mistake of trying to actually have a conversation with you. I promise I won't be doing that again. I'm done here.

<p></p><blockquote class='ipsBlockquote'data-author="DontHate" data-cid="1057887918" data-time="1355983123"><p>I'm used to this. It's kind of what I'm trying to talk about here. But I guess I'm being "HETEROSEXIST"<br>lawl</p></blockquote><p></p> Oops, sorry I actually tried to take you seriously and engage with one of your comments. Won't be doing that again, I promise.

<p></p><blockquote class='ipsBlockquote'data-author="DontHate" data-cid="1057887911" data-time="1355981109"><p>Saying you're uncomfortable with this, or that the dynamics that exist are inherently sexist, doesn't really answer the question of what to do about these things if and when they happen. You can't just throw up your hands and say "this is sexist, so I will pretend I can't see it." Lots of things in life aren't perfectly fair (most things, I would say). It's not fair that attractive people get more attention than unattractive people, even when they may have less to say. It's not fair that we tend to assume attractive people are smarter than ugly people (or that it even somehow tends to be true: <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/201012/beautiful-people-really-are-more-intelligent">http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/201012/beautiful-people-really-are-more-intelligent</a>). It's also not fair that women are judged more by their looks than men are. I don't think it "normalizes" any of these things to acknowledge that they exist. I'm not saying that this is how things SHOULD be. The best way to allow an unfair dynamic to persist is, in fact, to ignore it because it's uncomfortable to talk about.</p></blockquote><p></p> Lol. I didn't say that. Like at all. I am suggesting that we need to talk about this differently and that THAT helps more than any sort of across the board declarations.

I think the portrait of women preferring older men and vice versa is overly simplified, heterosexist, and sort of seems like painting a biological explanation over Mad Men flavored sexism. Yeah, the western world seems to have collectively agreed on the idea that the older man/younger woman relationship is not only acceptable but preferred but that's based on the idea that women are going to be at home and men are going to be at work and these people are going to pair off accordingly and everyone will be happily upper middle class. The assertions don't just sound sexist, they're predicated on and only supportable by a society with very strict gender roles and sex rules. Am I saying that this is not often the case? No. But I am weary of basing assumptions around it and I am not super comfortable with its continued normalization (at the expense of all other different kinds of relationships and this is the part where Gayle Rubin pulls out the charts, I think). I'm also uncomfortable with thinking about professor/student relationships only in terms of good/bad. I DO think there is room for consent and I think assuming otherwise can often unfairly ruin careers but I am not wholly comfortable with it, to be honest.

Noting though that both of them are lecturers, not professors.

... I wish I had known that before I sent out all those applications.

This freaks me out so bad. But I am 100% sure you know and she has been so kind.

Yeah, I made a promise to myself not to change a single thing after submitting my first application and have kept that promise. It's the only way for me to get through this.

You guys. We totally just had our first practice notification-related freak-out as a group. We're going to nail it in the coming months, I can tell.