chemychica

Hey, I know it's been a while since you posted this so maybe you've figured it out by now. But I figured I'd share my thoughts because I was in almost the EXACT same situation as you a year ago. First I'll tell you a little bit about my situation and what I decided to do, and then some advice for how I think I could have handled the situation better. Hopefully this is helpful to you. I graduated in 2011 and felt the same hesitance that you described about graduate school. I'd always been a good student, I like learning and I LOVE science (still do), and going to a graduate program just seemed like the right thing to do. But I wasn't excited about it. I thought maybe it was just cold feet and shook it off. But when I started my program, there was nothing that I liked about it. I didn't like the atmosphere of science in academia - the extremely narrow focus of research, the petty internal politics of the department, and the endless pandering for grant money were all huge turnoffs. I knew that if I spent the next 5 or 6 or however long there (plus maybe more for a postdoc after...), I'd always be questioning whether it was where I should be. On top of that I kind of got screwed over by the advisor I had been planning on working with, had some family problems, and overall did not have a good support system - the combination of which gave me a lot of stress and anxiety. I was given the choice between finding a new advisor to work with (on something i was less interested in), or leaving. I decided that I needed to leave for my own sanity and happiness. I told the department pretty much as soon as I had decided, but they kept giving me my stipend (and I kept teaching) until the end of the quarter. I didn't stay for a masters, because I didn't want to join a group only to leave shortly after starting. I didn't wait until I had a job. I just left. Granted I had a few months of funding to find a job and avoid going without a paycheck. I found a job within about a month or so as a lab manager for the science department at a different college, so I didn't have to relocate. It's nothing particularly interesting, but it is very low stress, pays more than graduate school, and it's a good in-between gig while I figure out my next career steps. I don't have nearly as much anxiety these days and I have no regrets about leaving. Sure every so often I think "OH GOD I AM DOING NOTHING WITH MY LIFE" but then I calm down and realize that there are so many more opportunities available to me now outside of my program than I would have had if I had stayed. My advice to you would be to first and foremost, make sure that this is what you want. It sounds like you've thought it over thoroughly, but the transition to graduate school is rough for everyone and you don't want a temporary depression influencing this major life decision. From what you describe if you were always hesitant and can't get excited about research this may not be the thing for you, but you want to be sure. Talk to anyone that you can who might be of help - other graduate students, people who knew you well before grad school, a counsellor/therapist. Their perspectives can be helpful if you are still struggling with figuring out what's best for you. I would agree that you should try to get a job BEFORE you leave if you can. I didn't and the period between telling the department I was leaving to finding a job was very stressful. You don't have to find a dream job. It just needs to pay the bills and get you out of academia. It's disorienting to leave a PhD program, so don't make it unnecessarily hard by putting too much pressure on yourself or having too high of expectations immediately out the gate. If you are sure that you don't want to pursue chemistry further, I don't think that it is necessary for you to stay to get a Masters. That being said, it does open up other positions (but closes the door to BS positions) so if the degree would be easy to obtain and an MS chemist position looks more appealing than BS positions, go for it. Part of me thinks that I should have considered staying for a masters a bit more thoroughly, but I'm a stubborn person and once I decide against something it's over. If you leave without the masters, don't worry about how it looks on the resume to leave the program, it has been far less of an issue in job interviews than I anticipated. Just be honest but try to speak positively about what you gained from your experience in graduate school. Anyway I know that this is a hard thing to do, so I mostly just wanted to give you some words of encouragement. It sucks leaving! Especially since academia predominantly values academia, and doesn't understand anyone who would want to leave. Some people from your program might not know how to talk to you anymore. Opportunities for chemists, while better than a lot of fields, aren't exactly stellar at the BS level. But no matter what you do, you'll be fine. You were smart enough to get in, you'll be smart enough to get out (but be prepared for the process to be a bit rocky). Good luck to you, I hope that you find happiness.

Hey everyone! I'm a first year in a chemistry PhD program. A few months ago, I was told that I couldn't work on the project that I wanted to work on due to funding issues. I was told by the prof/advisor to look elsewhere, oh well shit like that happens. I was pretty upset at the time and was also having some family problems so I went through a few weeks of feeling depressed and just feeling like I didn't belong here. I got through the low period, and I am feeling a lot better now. But I need to join a group by June or I will be kicked out of the program. So, I have been looking into joining a different group, but nothing has seemed worth the 5 or 6 years of constant focused effort. I love science and I really wanted to be a scientist, but I am beginning to think that maybe the PhD was something that I WANTED to want more than something that is actually good for me. I am a very smart person, kind of an overachiever, and I really like science (and I thought I liked research?), so it seemed like a natural step. Now that I am here, I feel the atmosphere of academia just feels so wrong to me. Competitive, negative, isolating, very narrow-minded. I thought I could get used to it but now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's just this department, or maybe it would be tolerable if I had research I was excited about which I don't at the moment. My heart just doesn't feel in it, and I'm not even sure if I want to have a research career. So I don't think I should commit a significant portion of my twenties to something I may very well hate and regret. Anyway, I really think that I should just leave this program and do something in the "real world" while I get my head together. But I don't know what I would do, and the economy is scary right now. So, is it a terrible idea to bail? If I decided I do really want a PhD a year or two down the line, could I get back into a (less prestigious) program? What do people do when they leave PhD programs.....? I feel so lost!