inkarra

Thanks for responding guys. For the record, I've been living in Toronto for the past two years or so (dual citizenship) but I'm from the States and I'm doing graduate work in the States. And thanks Shari for reminding me of the interlibrary lending program we have here; I will be looking into it. I definetly intend to stick with this for the semester because it might, just might get beter. But after that...who knows.

First I apologize for the length - it wasn't supposed to be this long, honest It all just came pouring out... I just wanted to start a new thread because I was reading through the "now that you're in what do you think?" thread and no one there had yet to express the level of distaste I have come to have for my PhD program in just 3 short weeks. A little about me - I am a PhD student. I moved from a big city to a picturesque smaller city which is really the only thing I'm enjoying about the move. But - I am also one of those "minorities in majority departments" and it's more that a little disconcerting to be the only person of colour in my entire cohort (of about 40). I have only encountered one other person of colour in the entire graduate department. And yes, I knew that a small town would be different from the big city but this is jarring. I'm starting to feel like the "token person of color," everyone looks to when discussing race and I am seriously regretting coming here. For the record, I got into a top ranked PhD program in my home town, but I decided against it because I felt that this program's offerings better suited the particular subject I wanted to study - and I liked my potential advisor. I was more than happy to accept a top 5 school because I thought living on my own and starting fresh would be an adventure. Now I feel weird walking across campus and even weirder walking down city streets. Now that advisor is absent minded, distant and going on leave next term. The conversations I'm having with my classmates are all very cordial and friendly but also feel very fake. I haven't made any actuall friends, haven't had any social gatherings outside of class and have already accepted the fact that none of this is likely to change. Now all of this would be bearable except that I am also hating my course work/readings. It's bad enough having to read a book + 4-5 articles a week for each of my three half term courses but it's unbearable when I can't get through even one reading without wanting to pull my hair out because of all the academic gobbledygook. Maybe it's because I've been out of school for a year and maybe it's because I thoroughly enjoyed my MA which contained elements of "popular history" but I can't stand the fact that almost every thing I'm reading these days is about "numbers functioning in justificatory, pedagogical and referential ways," or "Objectivity in our historiography in the face of a hegemonic masculinist discourse," or "the problems and deficiencies of accomodationist ideologies." UUGHHHH. I forgot how much I despise academic vernacular and I guess I've just realized that in pursuing a PhD, I'm committing myself to learning how to replicate this crap for future graduate students because I know no one else is going to be reading it. And I can't enjoy a simple meal or a movie because my mind is always thinking about how much I have to read, assignments that are already due next week, books I can't afford to buy now but can't find in the library, a language exam I'm not sure I'm going to pass...and the list goes on. Anyone else feeling any of this??

ok. Thanks for this guys. I'll give it a few weeks and if I haven't heard anything by mid August, I'll send her a note.

Hello everyone. So I've been hanging out in the gradcafe since about November and most of my issues/concerns have been asked and answered by others but now i have a problem unique to my situation and I thought perhaps some of you could help me out. When I decided to go ahead and apply to my grad program late last year, I emailed one of my prospective advisors. She replied, commented on my topic, forwarded a link to an important article and encouraged me to go ahead and name her as my POI. I was excited. I applied. I was accepted. Yay. Then I was invited to visit the campus in May, but I was also told that my advisor was out of the country doing research in Cuba and wouldn't be there. Since I had already visited the school (when considering undergraduate studies there) I decided not to make the long trip. Now I'm getting a little anxious about the fact that I haven't spoken to this professor since December and I'm going to be meeting her for the first time in about 6 weeks. I feel like I should send her an email but I can't for the life of me figure out what to say in it. I am also worried about the fact that I haven't heard from her at all. I don't even know if she's returned from her sabbatical yet. If any of you have any suggestions about how that email could be worded I'd appreciate it.