Hamir Riaz Farooqi

Your advice is quite helpful. Should I delete some stuff from my extracurricular paragraph?

Please give feedback and also remove errors(if any) This is the prompt "You are required to submit a PDF version of a succinct (two pages maximum) Statement of Purpose outlining your goals for your degree program. Specifically, you should detail why you would like to come to xxx to engage in studies leading to a degree in Electrical and Computer Engineering. Please describe your aptitude and motivation for graduate study in your area of research interest, including your preparation for this field of study, your academic plans or research goals, and your future career goals. " Here is what I have written: As a high-performing graduate with a major in telecommunications technology, I am committed to being at the forefront of this transformative industry. A master’s degree in the field of telecommunications engineering is my next goal, and, given the global nature of this industry, I wish to further my studies in Canada. I believe studying away from Pakistan, my home country, will prepare me well for this global industry. I recently completed my bachelor’s degree with a major in telecommunications engineering from xx University; I consistently achieved grades that placed me in the top 5% of my class, and I received the Departmental Merit Scholarships on three occasions. In courses such as DSP and ADC, I developed the perfect grounding for advanced levels of the academy. In addition, under the guidance of xxx, senior lecturer of our department, I led a six-member research team, which proposed a method to mitigate interference in ad-hoc networks in final year for partial fulfillment of degree requirements. We successfully completed the research project and defended it before a committee of 5 professors and received valuable comments and criticism. The practical perspective I gained from such projects have developed my research expertise and prepared me well for postgraduate study and research. In addition to my academic work, I participated in extra-curricular activities. Last year, I led a group of university students helping flood victims in Pakistan. We worked with a team from NGO Sindh Agricultural and Forestry Workers Coordinating Organization (SAFWCO). I raised money for the victims, bought supplies, and distributed tents, food, blankets and other essentials. This experience, which demonstrates my communication and leadership skills, has given me a newfound appreciation of the importance of service and helping those in need. In addition, throughout my four-year degree course, I voluntarily tutored junior students in courses relevant to my area of study. This not only illustrates my dedication to my field but also my willingness to communicate, network and liaise with colleagues and to support other students in their endeavors. As these experiences show, I am highly motivated and proactive at learning new skills and experiencing new things. This is precisely why I have decided to continue challenging myself by studying for a master’s degree in Canada. The xx’s Telecommunications Engineering program fits well with my skills and aspirations, and the interdisciplinary nature of the program is especially attractive. In particular, I want to integrate the business and regulatory aspects of telecommunications into my engineering studies so that I can develop a broad appreciation for the challenges faced by the telecommunications industry. The program’s hands-on focus and business connections are vitally important to me. In exchange, I believe I can be a valuable addition to your student body. I will continue to demonstrate academic excellence, a commitment to mastering new skills, and a dedication to international citizenship. Finally, I believe my international perspective and experience will add to your program. Earning a Master’s Degree from xx would be an honor for me and a means for a career that would be enriching and rewarding on many levels. Thank you for your consideration.