GRE Writing Feedback

[bbsunshine94]

Hi,

I am trying to prepare for my GRE and I need someone to take a look at my essay and give me some feedback on what to improve and what I should keep on doing

The topic is

Governments should focus on solving the immediate problems of today rather than on trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

My response is:

Some may argue that governments should find resolutions on present issues rather than looking into the future. Although the immediate problems need quick resolutions, governments should draw their attention towards anticipated problems. In this case, federal and state policies can prevent problems from getting large.

 

First, governments should look into forthcoming problems to impede them from arising. Our society is continuously expressing concerns on how to enhance our living. One of the known present issues is global warming. Advocates and policymakers are promoting recycling, energy conservation, and other environmentally-friendly methods to prevent pollution and to build a safer community. This indicates that people want to make sure that the community has up-to-date resources to keep their environment clean.  Another issue that draws attention towards our community is public health. Medical and health professionals are on the lookout for up-to-date research to promote the public’s well-being. In this way, the mortality rates would go down and people would be able to live a longer, healthier life. Governments should be on a lookout for anticipated problems to keep them from arising.

 

Some may argue that current problems need quick resolutions and the future problems are currently minor. This argument is faulty, since governments are unable to prepare for what is yet to come. For instance, the weapon-related mortality rates are growing in America. Federal and state governments fail to create a reliable to control gun ownership. Although society are demanding for gun control, shootings are becoming a norm in America. Present issues arise because governments have no preventive approach.

 

In conclusion, current situations are continuously growing because governments responded late. For these reasons, governments should be responsible for the anticipated problems so that the problem wouldn’t be huge.