Argument Analysis Essay -LF Feedback (Thank you!)

[Eira]

I'd really appreciate some feedback on my argument analysis essay writing!  I'd be happy to also offer my opinion on your essay, though I'm not very confident in my GRE writing skills yet...

I really do appreciate any help you can give, even just a number!

 

Prompt:

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people.  Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea.  The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found.  Thus is follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strength the argument.

 

Response:

In this passage the author puts forth the conclusion that the so-called Palean baskets, baskets heretofore only found around Palea, were not uniquely Palean due to finding baskets of the same make in Lithos.  The author’s conclusion is based upon the Brim River being very broad and deep, inhibiting trade.  However, there are a few key pieces of evidence missing that could seriously impact the integrity of this argument.

First, the author states that there are no boats found around Palea so that they could not cross the Brim River to trade with Lithos.  However, there is no mention of whether or not boats have been found in Lithos.  This is an essential piece of information because if people from Lithos had boats then they could have traveled to Palea and brought back Palean baskets, which would seriously undermine the author’s conclusion.  Conversely, if no boats have been found in Lithos, then the author’s conclusion would be much stronger.

Second, the author is assuming the Brim River to be an obstacle for ancient trade based on its current width and depth.  In order to accurately judge whether the Palean baskets are unique, we need to know the state of the river in ancient times.  If the author cannot give evidence that the river was wide and deep when Palea was thriving, then it severely weakens their conclusion.  Conversely, if the author can show that the Brim River was very wide and deep throughout history, then the baskets are much less likely to be uniquely Palean.

Finally,  - just as we do not know the time periods relating to the Brim river - we do not know the time periods relating the villages in question.  We do not know if they existed concurrently or centuries apart.  Some thought must be given to this aspect as well, because if Lithos predates Palea then the baskets are most certainly not uniquely Palean in origin.  If Lithos existed during the time period Palea existed, then there is a chance that the baskets are uniquely Palean, depending on the previously addressed points. If Lithos existed after, then it becomes a complicated question involving the migration pattern of people who left Palea.  If Lithos housed descendants of the Palean people, then the baskets would be Palean in origin even though they were produced in Lithos.

In conclusion, the evidence the author uses to support their conclusion is not enough to reach a definitive answer. They need to review their conclusion in light of boat access for the people from Lithos, the geological history of the Brim River, and the time periods for each of the villages.  Even if the new evidence does not support the original assumption, the author can be assured of a stronger base upon which to rest their revised conclusion.