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Please suggest changes in my SOP

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I have been tinkering with my SOP for a while, but I feel that it needs further improvement. Please go through it and suggest any improvements.

"As a mechanical engineering graduate, with four and half years of enriching industrial experience, I have tried to obtain strong academic knowledge and interpersonal skills which lay a good foundation for my graduate studies. I wish to realize my dream of higher education and in this letter, I make an earnest application for admission into graduate program in Mechanical Engineering at your university.

My interest in Physics was kindled at a young age by my father, a Physics lecturer when he introduced me to simple scientific apparatus like tuning forks, vernier calipers etc. Having studied the basics and underlying mechanisms of these instruments, I admired the subjects of Physics and Mathematics. I continued to expand my knowledge of these subjects and in classes 11 and 12, I tried my hands on several experiments. As part of my laboratory work, I could accurately derive the speed of sound in air based on a resonance experiment. Hence, my love for Physics and my fascination towards Mathematics inspired me to take up Mechanical Engineering for the undergraduate studies at XXXXXX, one of the prestigious engineering colleges in India.
At undergraduate level, my interests were further refined. I showed particular interest in control systems as I studied courses ‘Microprocessors & Automatic Control’ and ‘Advanced Multivariable Control’ in 7th and 8th semesters respectively. Fascinated by the intricacies of control systems engineering, I successfully conducted a mini-project on ‘Magnetic Levitation Design’ aimed at designing a control system to levitate a magnetic object in electromagnetic field. I also presented a term paper by performing a study on ‘Servo Motion Control’ and ‘Kinetic Energy Recovery System (KERS)’ mechanisms. The study focuses on identifying the challenges, types of control strategies and methods employed in these mechanisms through which I gained familiarity of the concepts such as feed forward control, PID controller etc. 

Motivated by the mini-project and the term paper, I pursued a final year project titled ‘Steering a ferro-magnetic particle in an electro-magnetic field using feedback control’. It involved designing a feedback control system to navigate a ferro-magnetic particle in a plane of four electromagnets placed orthogonally to each other. By regulating the current flow through the electromagnets, the resultant magnetic force on the particle changes and the desired motion is achieved. I was successful in the derivation of a superposed force-field expression due to multiple electromagnets. Thereafter, a set of linear differential equations which govern the system dynamics were derived and the simulated system was stabilized with the help of a feedback Linear Quadratic Regulator (LQR) controller. The project provided me with crucial exposure of modeling and simulation software such as ANSYS, MATLAB and SIMULINK. One of the potential applications of this project is in the treatment of cancer which requires successful navigation of ferro-magnetic capsule injected into the patient’s body to the tumor location. Through this project, I understood the way various branches of science are intertwined in today’s world and the importance of an effective control strategy in any design. 

After my graduation, I started working as an Engineering Analyst at Infosys Engineering Services. At Infosys, I had the privilege of being part of many prestigious projects through which I gained an insight into complex engineering processes of aerospace industry. I worked for various projects including ‘Airbus A350-1000’, ‘Mitsubishi MRJ-90’ etc, which involve design and stress analysis of aircraft components such as wing splices, pylon fixed structure, main landing gear, frames and stringers etc. Besides the regular projects, I had several enlightening interactions with the visiting professors and stalwarts of the Advanced Engineering Group at Infosys who cultivated a profound desire in me to study further.

After an extensive research, the Master of Science program in Mechanical Engineering with emphasis on System Dynamics and Control offered at XXXXXX has caught my eye. XXXXXX provides me with the right resources in the form of flexible course work, excellent research facilities and guidance from world-class faculty where I can broaden my perspective of control systems engineering and nurture my inter-disciplinary interests. I am confident that I can contribute positively towards your university and eagerly await your benevolent acceptance of my admission into the MS in Mechanical Engineering program."

Thanks in advance.

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