Any feedback for SOP or personal history

[aMuzik]

Hello, 

First off, thanks for taking time to read this.

For a little background - I graduated from SJSU with BS in Computer Engineering (3.4 GPA) and looking into grad school - not just because I love learning but I want to take my education elsewhere. 

So I'm wondering where's the best place to review my graduate essays. I've been frequenting my school's writing center but there's a fallacy in this approach - not many have, or are planning on grad school, so not many understand what to look for. Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone knows where to get some feedback on my personal history or statement of purpose. I'm hesitant to post online due to plagiarism checks from the admissions process but I don't know where to turn.

I've already taken the family / professor approach but many of my family have no technical or grad school background, and most of my professors don't seem to care, or trust my writing abilities (doubt it's the latter). 

Any input is really appreciated, and if someone would be willing to review my work I am more than willing to send a copy for some feedback.

Thanks again!

[Warelin]

13 minutes ago, aMuzik said:

and most of my professors don't seem to care, or trust my writing abilities (doubt it's the latter). 

Are these the same professors that are writing your recommendation letters? If so, it might raise a red flag. Were they enthusiastic about writing you a letter?

16 minutes ago, aMuzik said:

I'm hesitant to post online due to plagiarism checks from the admissions process but I don't know where to turn.

I think PMing is the smartest thing to do here. A Great SOP cannot be plagiarized due to how personal the document is with experiences but it can reveal who you are. I think the important thing to remember is that everyone will have approach and the same approach may or may not work for others. Consider your audience, consider who you are as a writer and person and what you bring to the table.  Also, consider what about this school excites you and what that school offers that another could not. Everyone's experience will vary and that will show in the final product.

There are often SOP exchanges that are done here. Alternatively, if you found someone whose posts you've found helpful; you could always PM them and ask if they would consider looking over your work. (This usually works best if they're in a similiar field and attend a college you'd be interested in.)

[aMuzik]

Hi @Warelin  thanks for the feedback. 

These are in fact the professors writing my recs. But they seemed really enthusiastic about giving me a rec, but I am hesitant b/c one of my providers does not have his doctorate's - he does have a lot of real world experience though. And he lectures in my area of focus - so I asked for his rec. Anyway, from what I've heard it wont matter too much but I'm not too sure. 

Anyway, I really appreciate all the input. For the essays, I'll do just that. 

Thanks again for your time.