POI emails---how do I tell them I'm not going?

[WaitingImpatiently]

Hello all!

So, I got five offers, all accompanied by kind, personal emails from the POIs I mentioned in my statement of purpose. I have decided to go to my dream school (Yale), but do not know what to do with the other four. I know how to officially decline the offer, but do I need to write the POIs back? What do I say? I don't want to burn any bridges (I think all of them are amazing!). Advice?

[BKMD]

My advice would be that yes, you should contact them personally, since they took the time to contact you, and you'll more than likely meet them again in the future.

I would also say that it'd be good to email them before you send in an official decision, so that they feel like they have time to attempt to persuade you (if they want), address your concerns, etc. It seems like it would be rude to leave them in the dark about your decision-making and to send in a rejection without warning.

But, I'm also trying to figure out how to do this as well. I've made good connections with people at both of my choices and I've told both of them that I'd "probably" choose their school (which was true at the time, because at first I was quite sure I would choose one school, but now I feel like I'll choose the other)... unfortunately this makes it awkward to tell one of them that I might be changing my mind.

[ScreamingHairyArmadillo]

I would definitely write them back, though it sucks to do it if you've actually met them and like them on a personal level.

I wrote to my POI at UMD and felt like I was going to die. I just told her I really regret not being able to work with her too, but I'm sure we'll cross paths again (there are only so many people in an entomology sub-sub-field ).

Just stay professional and thank them for all their support. They know you can't choose them all.

[Lantern]

Yes, absolutely email them personally before declining to the school itself. It's just the right thing to do, and you very likely will have contact with them in the future if your field is relatively small. Most of them will not take it personally, but will know that you made the best choice for yourself. Your choice is based on so many things, and it sounds like you really liked and respected all of them, so other details proably led to your final choice. Just be honest and grateful. (For example, if you made your final decision because the location allows you to be closer to your family, say so.)