Leveraging offers against each other?

[LadyL]

Ok, so I have official offers from 4 programs and an unofficial offer from another and am trying to figure out what my next move is.

1. Of the four programs who've made offers, I am 85% sure that I will not choose 2 of them. I know I should tell them no as soon as possible but that 15% doubt is holding me back. I know waitlisted people are waiting on my decision but I am so hesitant to close any open doors. Anyone else dealing with this sort of hesitation?

2. "Top Choice #1" is making decisions early next week. My understanding is that they had a lot of applicants in my sub-field and it was a very competitive group. I already emailed them saying I had other offers (3 at the time) but was waiting to hear from them before deciding - should I update them about the other two offers or could that be seen as pushy?

3. "Top Choice #2" admitted me and told me that they are willing to negotiate a higher stipend than the standard because I am a top recruit. Their stipend is already pretty competitive with my other current offers, so I am not sure how to negotiate this since I can't use "School X offered me way more money" as a bargaining chip. I was thinking of mentioning cost of living because it's in a more expensive urban area than some of the programs I was accepted into. I am just not sure whether I should put a number out there, or whether I should ask them to generate an offer. Any advice?

[ScreamingHairyArmadillo]

IMO:

1. I think the hesitation is merely the fact that you've invested so much time into each school, it's extremely hard to actually tell them no. If you know you'd rather go to 2 out of your 4 programs, tell the other 2 thanks, but no thanks.

2. Personally, I would just wait. They already know you're a competitive applicant and have other offers. I don't know if just saying you have more offers will change anything, though I don't think it would be pushy, per se.

3. If they are willing to negotiate, try to do so, and probably in the way you stated by mentioning the high cost of living. Though I'm not really sure on this one; maybe you can just ask for a specific offer.