GRE analytical writing

[mystique00713]

To whom it concerns;

    I'm practicing for the GRE analytical writing section analyze the argument.  Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. 

The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal. 

  

"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring." 

  

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument. 

   In the letter to the editor above, the author states that birth order determines an individual's level of stimulation to stressful situations. The author base this argument on studies done on firstborn infant monkeys and first-time monkey mothers that showed increased levels of cortisol, a stress hormone in stimulating situations. The author also states that firstborn humans produces relatively high levels of cortisol in stressful situations as well. However, birth order is not the only explanation for such evidence.  Alternative explanations that could explain the observations in the studies could be that the individual monkeys studied many have had a genetic disposition to secrete higher levels of cortisol. Another alternative explanation is learning and comprehension can be stressful if this is a first time experience. Lastly,  one's diets, especially if it is high in fats and sugars could influence cortisol secretion, as well as being in an environment where there are continual stressors.  
    First, there are genes  that influence the secretion of the hormone cortisol. Perhaps the monkeys studied have a defect in the gene that allowed for cortisol to be secreted, thereby making the individual test subject more sensitive to stimulation. If that is the case, individuals who are more sensitive to stimulation may secrete higher levels of cortisol than normal. If genes make an individual more prone to higher levels of cortisol secretion during times of stress this could account for why the monkeys studied have higher levels than their counterparts. 
 A second explanation, is that learning from an experience for the first time can be a stressful circumstance that stimulates secretion of higher cortisol levels. The first time mother monkeys may have had higher levels of stimulation of stress because they are learning how to be mothers for the first time and are unable to draw information from previous experience.  Thus, making them prone to making more mistakes which leads to stress that comes from frustration of learning things without guidance or previous experience.  
    Lastly, diet as well as being in an environment where there are constant stressors in place can promote to the evidence seen in the studies. A diet high in simple carbohydrates tend to be stored as fats and increase in body fat promotes to higher cortisol secretion.  Perhaps the monkeys in the study had diets high in carbohydrates that contributed to the increase in cortisol secretion in stressful events. This could also hold true for the individual human subjects mentioned in the statement above. Perhaps those older siblings have diets that are high in carbohydrates contributing to their higher cortisol levels. Also being in a constantly stimulating environment could also promote higher cortisol secretion in the monkeys and humans.   For all one knows, the lab in which the study took place may have been a place full of constant stress for the test subjects which would explain higher levels of cortisol levels.  
         In conclusion, an individual's hormonal response to stressful stimulation can also be determined by genes, learning and comprehending the experience for the first time, diet and being in an environment full of constant stressors.