Throwing in the towel...

[peffy1962]

Hi everyone,

I'm in the midst of a unique situation and could use some advice. This year marked my second go-round at the application process, and it was much more successful than my first attempt last year. I got in everywhere I applied, including my top choice with full funding + a fellowship. However, when I went to visit this school and sat in on a few classes, I realized that I don't really think the Ph.D. thing is for me. I love my subject, and I loved everyone I met in the program, but sitting in on these high-level classes reawakened a lot of the feelings I had as an undergraduate -- that studying the media in such depth ruins the fun of it for me. I don't think I'd be happy approaching it academically for 7+ years, let alone the rest of my life. I was also discouraged my the lack of a practical application for the material, and I've always been disturbed by the notion of having to follow the job wherever it may be in the humanities. So, I think I'm ready to bid it adieu.

When I got back to town, I visited my alma mater's law school and sat in on a class, and really felt engaged with the material in a way that surprised me in light of my lack of engagement with the Ph.D. class. I am presently exploring the prospect of attending law school, and find myself much more excited about that path (with the large exception of the expense!). At this point, I'm confident in saying that I'll be applying for the Fall 2011 entering class.

So, long story short, how do I go about declining the Ph.D. program's offer? Do I give them a reason, or do I just say "no"? It feels kind of crazy to turn down such a great offer. And, of perhaps greater concern, how do I inform my recommenders of my decision? All three of the undergraduate professors who wrote for me again this year were very involved in the application process, and I spent a great deal of time convincing them of how much I wanted to begin a Ph.D. program. Surely they're sensible people, but I fear that I'm going to offend them in my decision, and that they will certainly not write again for me for law school. I also happen to work at the university I attended as an undergraduate, and so I run into them frequently. Awkward.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.

[grammercie]

You have until April 15, so why not take some more time to mull it over? Put the decision on the shelf for a week and focus on other things. Is one of your recommenders someone who would listen and ask questions without judgment while you talked through your concerns? I get what you're saying, but walking away from something you've worked 2 years to get to--a fully funded PhD program? A lot of us have written on the forum about post-acceptance depressions, panics, and second-guessing. Take your time to make this decision, please.

[shakespearebro]

I agree with grammercie. You may still ultimately decide this isn't for you, but take your time and think about it. I applied two years ago, was accepted with funding, then deferred my acceptance to take a very exciting job. I then deferred another year to think it over and ended up reapplying to the same programs that accepted me before, although I am now in a much weaker position than I was after my initial acceptance. (Funny how they don't trust you after you keep them hanging. )

I've also found that a second visit to the campus can sometimes really change my perspective.

Think it over, then do what it right for you in a week or two.

[Postbib Yeshuist]

Heck, take until April 2011 to mull it over. No one says you can't start your PhD, complete a year and THEN decide. People drop out all the time. If you were good enough to get into all your schools and get solid offers, you may be experiencing the "crash" that comes after everything's said and done. Law school will still be there in 2011, so go PhD for the year in between. If nothing else, you'll have some good grades to show and you'll be that much more competitive when you apply.

Also, as a bit of a side note, you might want to really research what law school entails. I think you're going to find that "fun" is anything but what it will be. What you saw was "new and exciting," which is often a deceptive first impression. When you get into the nitty-gritty, cutthroat atmosphere described by so many, you may regret your decision not to follow your PhD more than any other decision in your life. Then again, you might love it.

[georgica2]

Hi everyone,

I'm in the midst of a unique situation and could use some advice. This year marked my second go-round at the application process, and it was much more successful than my first attempt last year. I got in everywhere I applied, including my top choice with full funding + a fellowship. However, when I went to visit this school and sat in on a few classes, I realized that I don't really think the Ph.D. thing is for me. I love my subject, and I loved everyone I met in the program, but sitting in on these high-level classes reawakened a lot of the feelings I had as an undergraduate -- that studying the media in such depth ruins the fun of it for me. I don't think I'd be happy approaching it academically for 7+ years, let alone the rest of my life. I was also discouraged my the lack of a practical application for the material, and I've always been disturbed by the notion of having to follow the job wherever it may be in the humanities. So, I think I'm ready to bid it adieu.

When I got back to town, I visited my alma mater's law school and sat in on a class, and really felt engaged with the material in a way that surprised me in light of my lack of engagement with the Ph.D. class. I am presently exploring the prospect of attending law school, and find myself much more excited about that path (with the large exception of the expense!). At this point, I'm confident in saying that I'll be applying for the Fall 2011 entering class.

So, long story short, how do I go about declining the Ph.D. program's offer? Do I give them a reason, or do I just say "no"? It feels kind of crazy to turn down such a great offer. And, of perhaps greater concern, how do I inform my recommenders of my decision? All three of the undergraduate professors who wrote for me again this year were very involved in the application process, and I spent a great deal of time convincing them of how much I wanted to begin a Ph.D. program. Surely they're sensible people, but I fear that I'm going to offend them in my decision, and that they will certainly not write again for me for law school. I also happen to work at the university I attended as an undergraduate, and so I run into them frequently. Awkward.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance.

You're not the only one who is feeling a ton of post-acceptance doubt. I too was accepted at multiple programs this year after getting in nowhere last year, and as soon as I received my final acceptance and realized that this was about to be a reality, I entered total panic mode, wondering if I even WANTED to pursue a PhD, whether this was the field for me, etc. (complete with researching a ton of programs in other fields and thinking about how exciting the material was.) Doubt is natural. Not only is a PhD a huge undertaking, but committing to a discipline means choosing a career path, a lifestyle, etc. Anyone who says that they're not experiencing any kind of anxiety or hesitance over their decision whatsoever is lying/crazy/in denial. It comes with the territory. Getting the acceptances makes it "real" in a way it never was during the course of 2 rounds of applications. Just remember, there is a reason you applied to these programs, a reason why you wanted to get a PhD to begin with, even if you can't really remember what it was right now. Don't let your anxiety, fear, doubt, etc. let you talk yourself out of doing something that you clearly wanted enough to go through the hellish process of applying, not once, but twice.

I suggest that you talk it over with one of your recommenders. I'm sure they will be able to talk you through some of the issues that concern you about the PhD and about your field generally. I also suggest you talk with some law students -- they are, generally speaking, not a happy bunch. I'm guessing that many of the things that attracted you to academia will be missing from law school -- direct contact with professors, a sense of community, etc. Law school classes have hundreds of students, professors who are often also practicing lawyers or consultants and are unlikely to remember your name, and a huge amount of competition. On top of that, the state of the economy means that many law firms have stopped recruiting new hires altogether while the application numbers for law schools have soared, meaning that getting into law school is harder than ever, even though your chance of getting a job after graduating and taking on a titanic amount of debt aren't great.

My honest suggestion: go into the PhD program. If, after a year in the program, your feelings still haven't changed, drop out. It happens all the time. Allow yourself to make an informed decision about whether or not the PhD program is for you. If after a year you don't like it, you haven't lost much -- as someone else said above, law school isn't going anywhere. It might even be a little bit late in the game to start law school applications for Fall 2011 anyway - law school admissions weigh the LSAT extremely heavily (it counts way more than the GRE does for humanities programs) and most applicants study for 6 months - 1 year before taking the test.

[BongRips69]

Before considering law school, please read the following...

http://bigdebtsmalllaw.wordpress.com/2009/08/13/shitlaw-primer-part-i-life-of-a-coder/

http://bigdebtsmalllaw.wordpress.com/2009/08/21/shitlaw-primer-part-ii-the-“experience”-scam/

[Katzenmusik]

I agree with the others here. You've worked hard for acceptance--are you really willing to give it up so quickly, after sitting in on one law school class?

You were about to commit to something huge, a PhD program in a field with certain pros and cons. It is natural to feel conflicted when you have an acceptance in hand and reality sets in. (I myself sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, panicking about the fact that I've applied to history programs and not MFAs in filmmaking, so I kind of get it...) But you clearly reflected on this choice for at least a year or two, and in calmer moments your past self determined that this was, in fact, the right path.

Maybe give yourself a year to thoughtfully reflect on the situation (and better prepare yourself for the LSAT and other components of law school admissions, if you do decide to go). Attend the Media Studies program for a year. If you do hate it, at least you'll know for sure and won't regret the decision to change paths. You have little to lose by waiting a year.

It's also worth considering that with a PhD, you could be the change you want to see in the Media Studies world--developing innovative, practical applications for the work, etc.

[lmgpdx]

When I was looking at different Master's programs, I went to a class while visiting and had the same reaction. After receiving some very wise counsel (from my mom, go figure), I realized that I sat in on ONE class. Maybe the Prof. was having an off day, or perhaps you ended up visiting a class where the student mix wasn't so great, maybe they made the material seem much more boring/pretentious/etc. than it really was. You just have no way to know. In my case, once I considered it, I realized that even if the content of ONE class made me feel blah about things, the years I spent preparing for the MA had inspired me and made me even more interested in my field. You have to take a leap now and then.

Fast forward to now: I am about to sign onto a PhD program. I have also had serious doubts about it, partly because I'm not too thrilled with some of the intro classes and theory seminars I will have to take. However, I have now realized that I have to work through those courses with the unappealing material to get to do the research I'm really excited about. You may not be thrilled with all the material you have to cover, but keep your fun, free-wheeling post-courses media studies aspirations in mind. It might be worth it in the end.

Finally, on law school. I think the points made above about how something new and fresh can be tempting are completely true. However, think very carefully about law school. There are many, many reasons not to go (higher incidence of substance abuse, depression, and divorce among lawyers, for example). I was thinking about it at one point and my brother (an unhappy law student himself at that time) sent me a huge article that convinced me to nix the plan. If I find it I'll post a link. I wouldn't rush into it, and I would definitely do a lot of research. In case you're thinking about being one of those "save the world" lawyers, read A Civil Action first (don't see the movie, though. not as good). However, if you're really interested in law, maybe you should look for a way to incorporate that interest into your media studies research. My brother is always complaining about how law is represented in TV shows and movies, and I think there are studies now about how media representations of the ease of moving criminals through the judicial system (think shows like Law and Order where the criminal always confesses in the end and gets sentenced within a few weeks of arrest) have been creating ridiculous expectations among juries and the general public and then affecting the outcome of cases, or even attempts at judicial reform. That's just one example. There's a lot of room to combine your passions without getting a law degree.

Best of luck to you!