How to gently reject a PhD offer while taking intern at the lab?

[Rayco]

How to reject PhD offer politely should be a duplicate question...But for me, it's harder to find a polite and gentle way to tell the advisor my decision, because I am taking an research intern in his lab and will continue staying for over two months and have several meeting with the advisor...Only take research into consideration, it's a good choice to continue PhD here, but the reasons I have to accept another offer are:

1. The fellowship - living cost: another offer has much more money
2. Deadline: the decision deadline of another offer is coming, and the offer from this 'to be home' university would not come until May.

Anyway I have to write the email to tell the advisor my decision, but I'm currently very worried and want to listen to some advice.

Thank you in advance!!

[MarineBluePsy]

The best thing you can do is be honest.  Advisors know that funding plays a huge role in where students decide to go and it is never surprising when students take offers that include more money.  You can express how grateful you are for all that you have learned (because that contributed to you having a chance at getting that better opportunity) and you look forward to learning more during the remainder of your internship.  If your department has extra money then your advisor can create a counter offer for you to consider, but if not the best thing is to wish you well.

[Rayco]

14 hours ago, MarineBluePsy said:

The best thing you can do is be honest.  Advisors know that funding plays a huge role in where students decide to go and it is never surprising when students take offers that include more money.  You can express how grateful you are for all that you have learned (because that contributed to you having a chance at getting that better opportunity) and you look forward to learning more during the remainder of your internship.  If your department has extra money then your advisor can create a counter offer for you to consider, but if not the best thing is to wish you well.

Thank you MarineBluePsy. I have written to the advisor, explaining that fellowship and living cost are the main reasons. Though the advisor accepted this,  he held the view that the scholarship from his university is generous, so that living cost should not become a problem...I am writing a second email to explain it more clearly...

[MarineBluePsy]

Uhhhh I don't think you need to do a second email clarifying anything.  You've stated your reasons and that is all that is required.  He doesn't have to like them or agree with them, but you also don't need to continue to justify them.  All that will do is create a back and forth that will eventually turn sour and you 2 still need to work together.  This is a great time to agree to disagree and move on to more productive uses of your time.

[Rayco]

On 4/17/2019 at 8:55 AM, MarineBluePsy said:

Uhhhh I don't think you need to do a second email clarifying anything.  You've stated your reasons and that is all that is required.  He doesn't have to like them or agree with them, but you also don't need to continue to justify them.  All that will do is create a back and forth that will eventually turn sour and you 2 still need to work together.  This is a great time to agree to disagree and move on to more productive uses of your time.

Thanks again. I have met him in person and things are going well