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RATE MY ESSAY PLZ


recker12
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So I was hoping if someone reads my essay and try to critique to make them better. I even posted them on word docs as well  and if you word it in the word doc I would most appreciate it. I am trying to improve my writing as much as I can so plz rip it apart

Helllo world (1).docx

 

Prompt:

SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a superior place to live than Middlesburg, the home of SuperCorp's original headquarters. Moreover, Middlesburg is a predominately urban area and according to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than Middlesburg, making it not only a safer place to work but also a cheaper one. Therefore, Supercorp clearly made the best decision.

Task:

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

 

Essay:


 

SuperCorp seeks to be the best  company possible by maximizing revenue and improving employee happiness. Corporateville has more homeowners which makes more people will want to live in Corporateville,and in turn leads to more customers and less taxes which in turn increases coporate revenue significantly, Employees  of SuperCorp also perfer to live in non urban areas and Coporateville is also non-urban and in turn makes employees of SuperCorp happier. SuperCorp is in turn making the best possible decision by improving employee happiness and profit streams.

 

Opponents to  Supercorp decision, can say that Corporateville while has less taxes doesnt account for increased Housing cost. Becomes buying a home is very expensive and Coporateville  has less places to rent then Middlesburg, employee will have to save more to live in Coporateville. Working longer can spoil Employee happiness because employee will have to work longer to live in these homes. While it is true that working longer decreases happiness, less taxes have aided employees to save more in order to be able to own these homes.   Employees will want to own their place to live rather than rent which in turn makes Employees happier in Corporateville then Middlesburg. Lower taxes have made it easier to save up to buy a home and after they buy home they dont ever have to pay for housing ever again.

 

Supercorp is a corporation and in turn should maximize revenue streams as all coporations should.  There are not just more customers but thanks to decreases in taxes, customer are not reticent against buying Supercorp products.  And since citizens in Corporateville have more money saved up in their accounts thanks to decrease taxes and homeownership they can also buy more Supercorp products. Supercorp will also pay less taxes in their revenue streams which will further compound on their profit.  Thanks to the synergistic effect of more customers and less taxes supercorp is thereby maximizing profit by moving to Coporateville.


 

Supercorp is simply trying to improve their  company as much as possible by maximizing revenue and improving employee happiness. Employee happiness is maximized in Coporateville because employee will now be able to save more ,buy their own homes, and live in non urban enviroments.  Supercorp is also maximizing revenue because there are more people living in Corporateville than Middlesburg thanks to more ownership,which in turn leads to more customers and less taxes further synergizes on increasing supercorps profit .

THE SECOND ESSAY:

 

 

Prompt and Task:

Technology, while apparently aimed to simplify our lives, only makes our lives more complicated.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

First Essay.docx

Essay:




 

With the rise of Laptops, Cars, Cellphones, , Robots, and Automated Housetold tools that are obsufucated with complex circuit boards and laced with confounding buttons, one can argue that technology is increasingly complex to use and in turn therefore make our lives extremely complicated. However, technology inventions have in turn improve our quality of life by automating task that wouldve been tiresome without such technology. Therefore, if people learn how to use this increasingly complex technology, people will then live a much more simpler life.

 

For example in korea during their industrial revolution was previously was a developing country where people live simple lives and companies always communicated in person or in letter. When samsung introduced the first computer, telephone and cellphone to the Korean population in 1970 companies didnt know to use them properly. Initially, their sales were low because nobody needed such complicated tools to communicated before their industrial revolution. However, over time citizens of Korea begin to form companies that require customer service. It was simply impossible to send letters and communicate in person to every single one of their customers. So these companies decided that they purchase Samsung Computers,Cellphones and Telephone to automate these tiresome task. Overtime, thanks to this technology from Samsung, companies were then able to serve more customers and also able to address customer needs faster.

 

But technology revolutions didnt just occur in 1970s and It actually occured 70 years before that in America with the introduction of the first automobiles.People were still living a very rural life where animals perform long distance. Sending mail and goods was a extremely cumbersome task requiring horses and humans stationing at many points in America to send mail and goods. Henry Ford changed the game by introducing the first automobiles or the Ford 1. Nobody knew how to use this technology because knew that such technology was possible. Stirring wheels and motors were hard to mantain and use. But the automobile was faster than any known horse or animal and did not require to be stationed in certain parts of America. So farmers and pedestrians begin using them to travel despite the increase complexity and in turn trade and communication became simpler

 

Technologhy while increasingly complex and ever progressing, aims to improve our lives by automating simple task that were previous cumbersome.

Edited by recker12
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