Keep Pushing Through or Drop Out?

[StressedPhD]

Hey everyone, 

SO, I am not happy in my current lab for a few reasons. For starters, I feel alienated from the rest of my group members because I don't speak their language and they prefer to not speak english, which I totally understand. If I moved to a new country and couldn't speak the language very well I would prefer to interact with those who can easily converse with me and are familiar with my culture. They have all started to form a bond and seem to like working together but have left me out. In addition to this, my PI does not have my back and has made it clear that she will not hesitate to kick me out if I am not productive enough. She has set up an environment where we are all kind of competing against each other because we don't want to be the next person who gets kicked out. On top of this, and perhaps a source of it, is that we have no funding. We are still operating off of start up funds and have not gotten any grants. Right now I am on a 1 year department fellowship, so she isn't paying me but come next fall, I will need to find funding elsewhere because I doubt it's coming from her. I also suspect that she will keep me as a member of the lab until my fellowship is over and then kick me out. I also do not like the research that much. I want to be involved in bioengineering but my current work is strictly materials science. She has said she would like to move more in the direction of biomaterials, but on top of everything else, idk how I'd feel about doing my work in that environment with such unstable support. 

Bringing it back to the title of this post, I feel I am at a crossroads. I am trying to find a position in a new lab more aligned with my interests, with a supportive PI, and a welcoming work environment but I am having a hard time with it. Out of my labs of interest, all of them but one are not taking on new students. The one that is, is worried about taking me from another lab since he is a new professor. I don't blame him and I also feel bad about putting him in that position and don't want to cause him any problems at work. If I can't find a new lab I don't know what I should do. Should I just suck it up with my current lab, keep pushing through and get my degree or should I cut my loses? I was so excited to start my PhD but this has turned it into something else. 

I suppose some other options are I switch to a new lab that isn't really doing research that I am that interested in but it has a supportive PI with a good working environment. Or I could hold out in my current lab and see if spots open up in the labs I want, but how long could that be? I am in the middle of my first year, I feel like the time to switch is now, not in another year or so. 

I would love to hear any advice or insight y'all have on this matter. I could use some outside perspective on this. Thank you all of your help

[Ignatius]

I've been in a sub-par lab where the PI was uncommunicative and the school environment was dead. I was glad that I was only there for three months. I thought about staying there longer for a Ph.D., but knew that I'd do nothing productive or genuine in such a lab. Doing science should be fun and it it's not fun on most of the days, get the heck out. Daily unnecessary stress is poisonous and is dangerous to the creative mind.

From what you've written, I'd seriously consider joining a younger professor's lab with interests that align with yours. Don't think about "causing problems" too much as long as you think it's feasible and the professor is open enough. Science is a hussle and you sometimes have to create your own ruckus before you get squashed.

[vernigan]

Is there anyone in your department/school who is a Grad student program director (or similar)? Talking to someone who acts in an administrative role for the program could be a way to get insight into how you might proceed. Of course you would want to make sure this is someone with your best interest in mind who would not share what you are talking about with your advisor, and you may need to alter what you tell them a bit. I have experienced issues with my PI, and have received a lot of great support and help from the person who administrates the departments graduate program. They are a wealth of knowledge with regard to funding options, and they have been able to subtly find out funding options with other PIs before I make any big decisions. Also, having someone in this type of position could help ease the transition to a new PI, and keep things as civil as possible. That way the new PI doesn't feel like they are 'stealing' students, and you don't have to burn any bridges. 

If that resource doesn't exist, I think it is worthwhile to begin a conversation with the PI you are interested in working with to see what funding options they have, and discussing the possibility of moving to their lab. Staying in a toxic lab environment is probably not a great decision for your mental health and success, and it sounds like your current PI is not someone worth dedicating so much of your time to. I would definitely see about switching labs before leaving your program. 

[thebougiebehaviorist]

Sorry to hear you're experiencing this. I second @Ignatius ' response and that the stress you're under does not seem to be worth the potential gains of remaining in an ill-fitting lab. That said, switching to the younger professor's lab sounds like your best bet. At the end of the day, which experience do you think will serve you best in reaching your long-term goals: sticking it out in a lab working on projects outside of your interests or taking a risk to pursue research you'll more than likely enjoy? I'm not sure how you'd list the former on a CV, so I'd take the latter any day of the week.

[jujubea]

Humanities here, so take with a grain of salt. I'm chiming in because I have struggled with not fitting in to certain department groups, and took some steps to change my situation, and it has made a huge difference in my quality of life and research.

I agree with @vernigan as far as finding a grad program director or equivalent who can be a confidant and help you navigate your options and what's normal, etc. 

Also agree with @Ignatius and @thebougiebehaviorist on the general vibe of the situation (I can't speak to lab specifics). But sticking around where you don't feel wanted or valued or appreciated is not only not good for your self-esteem in the long run, it will just translate to lower quality work. Better to be somewhere with a team that lets you shine.

You're only a year in. Not too much of an investment sunk in my humble opinion. Your reasons for leaving sound mature and nothing you would have to hide from the next academic employer/research lab. 

Good luck.