Can someone grade my Issue Essay?

[akshatalol]

Prompt

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

 

Essay

Artificial Intelligence has been casually taking over the world. Technology that one helped us meet some of our basic needs such as electricity, is now on its way to become our personal robot that brings us breakfast every morning. The prompt argues that this dependence on technology can negatively impact our ability to think and solve problems. I mostly agree with this assertion for two reasons. However, I do concede that there are a few exceptions.

From an electronic toothbrush detecting your cavities to the AI grader rating this essay, we have embraced this technology as one of our own. With this shift, our problems are lessening and so is our problem-solving ability. Python creator Guido Van Rossum in all probabilities, put in more effort and logic to create the software when compared to this generation’s python programmers who use the software on a daily basis. A python programmer 10 years down the line, will assumingly require half the knowledge & effort compared to today’s programmers. Knowledge of the most rudimentary processes today like driving a car or operating an ice cream machine will be rare tomorrow, ultimately cutting down on our accumulated cerebral skills. While this may seem like luxury to some, as it eliminates the need to think, it is in fact detrimental to the overall brain development. Yuval Noah Harari sheds light on how the early man evolved mentally and physically, keeping the parts of his body and mind that helped him survive and losing the ones that were of seldom use. This is another strong example inferring that we, as adaptive creatures have a high probability of losing our analytical and logical skills that are otherwise required to make important decisions on a regular.

With the advent of technology, comes comfort. A poll suggests that individuals prefer playing online chess over the physical board game because it’s convenient. While this may be a small and trivial shift, it depicts the comfort level man is currently enjoying and attached to. Statistics show the drastic shift in the number of teenagers choosing ‘easy’ professions such being a Youtuber or a TikTok creator over professions in science and technology. The number of ‘Earn easy money from home’ advertisements have sky rocketed in recent times. This privilege of comfort has affected most young minds to the point where most would choose an easy life over an adventurous one. If Thomas Edison had given up on his quest of creating the light bulb on the 10^th or the 20^th or even the 999^th try, science would have had to wait a few more years for one of its greatest inventions to be birthed. All the discoveries we read about today are mostly a by-product of years of turmoil, trial and error. However, today, products are updated to provide us the highest level of comfort and the need to learn or practice the most basic skills is immaterialized, ultimately making one slothful.

From an opposite perspective, technology brings comfort into our lives and helps us focus on the more complex tasks while handling the trivial ones. Moderate integration of technology might prove more helpful than harmful. However, complete dependence on our friendly AI assistants can leave a major impact on how we think and act.

I strongly support the idea that technology will one day, take over the most basic tasks of our lives, leaving us with nothing but comfort and a sparingly used brain. In the process of making everything around us ‘smart’ we might unintentionally evolve into dumber versions and lose the very skills that helped our ancestors to survive.

 

Thanks for your time! This is my 2nd attempt, I followed GregMat Issue Essay videos. Here, I'm mostly concerned about the logic and examples, I'm not able to judge 

[still-blue]

[Disclaimer: I have yet to give the GRE exam, as it is not required in the places I've applied to so far. I do however, help students/undergrad students/newsletter writers/etc in essay writing from time to time.]

A few typos:

• Para#1: "Technology that one helped us meet...." should've been "Technology that once helped us meet...."
• Para#2: "A python programmer 10 years down the line..."
• Para#2: "... make important decisions on a regular." There seems to be some missing text at the end there, perhaps you meant: "... make important decisions on a regular basis."
• Para#3: "..professions such being a Youtuber.." add "as", so it becomes: "..professions such as being a Youtuber.."

A few more suggested changes:

• Para#3: "Statistics show the drastic shift in the number of teenagers choosing ‘easy’ professions such being a Youtuber or a TikTok creator over professions in science and technology." Maybe change "shift" to "increase" for a clearer sentence, as in: "Statistics show the drastic increase in the number of teenagers choosing ‘easy’ professions such being a Youtuber or a TikTok creator over professions in science and technology."

 

• Para#3: "All the discoveries we read about today are mostly a by-product of years of turmoil.." I think you were aiming for the meaning of the word "toil" here (which means "work extremely hard or incessantly"), and not "turmoil" (which means "disorder, chaos"), but I could be wrong. Generally, I think "toil" would make more sense here: "All the discoveries we read about today are mostly a by-product of years of toil.."

 

• Para#2: "This is another strong example inferring that we, as adaptive creatures have a high probability of losing our analytical and logical skills that are otherwise required to make important decisions on a regular." I think "inferring" should be replaced with a verb like "implying" (because "inferring" means "to deduce"): "This is another strong example implying that we, as adaptive creatures have a high probability....".

These are all just minor nit-pickings!

+ Your 1st argument is really interesting and I liked the addition of the evolutionary aspect to it!

Best of luck with your application, and sorry if I have made any mistakes in my suggestions/corrections! I hope a more experienced forum member replies soon as I think they'd be of more help to you.