Advise on Personal Statements

[Cornell07]

So, I thought that I had solid LORs, a decent GRE score, undergrad at an Ivy, and a good research writing sample. Somehow, I've been rejected everywhere, not only by Top 20 schools but a school ranked #59 that accepts ~30% of all applicants and only recieves 6 out of 210 Ivy applicants.

If I had to put my money on a weak point in my application, I'd say that my personal statement must have been it. I approached it like I did my undergraduate application essays, largely without reference to any sort of examples or books on how to write a personal statement. Now that I've gone back and looked at sample essays, it seems that I was waaaay off. I tried to be like Bill Richardson when I should have been more like Barack Obama; I rested far too much on making an argument about my resume, credentials, goals, faculty matches etc... without much of an exciting narrative.

People who got in, what sort of assistance did you use to help write your statements: books, friends etc...? I am in the process of rewriting my statement to apply to a couple of late deadline MA programs, so any input would be helpful.

[SpectacledDaruma]

I didn't reference any particular guides for my personal statement, but I did make sure to include information that faculty would find relevant and indicative of my interest. However, my specific field is VERY small, and having someone come out of college with the effort and interest I put int o a quirky study is sort of strange in itself. But I wrote to the request - narrative of my study, what I find interesting and how I found that out, and what I want to do, with copious, COPIOUS details. The admissions committee has a lot of faculty on it, so if I'm dropping names in my field, they'll know. Then again, this is all an MA personal statement and their acceptance rates are pretty generous, so this advice need not apply to a stricter PhD program approach.

[arthistorian]

i think it's very important to be specific about the program you're applying to. make sure to sell your application to one or two faculty members--they'll fight for you in committee meetings.

[NO8DO]

For some reason I had this impulse to do my NYU personal statement more 'personal' than the others, and I sorta just wung it (aka had adviser look over other sops but not the NYU one), and ironically it was my first response and acceptance. I think like others have said it depends on the program. I used an anecdote about my study abroad experience in Seville, Spain (the program I applied to at NYU was the MA in Spanish/Portuguese in Madrid), and I think that really helped me because I blended my positive experience with my study abroad with the experience I hope to have with the MA in Madrid - including research interests, career goals, etc. in between. I know for sure that it wasn't my GRE that got me in - which leads me to think that even at top programs (and this is definitely a top FLL MA program at a top 10 uni in the field), things like the sop and your writing sample are of immense importance.

Maybe you could e-mail the programs to see what you could strengthen for next time? I'm not sure if people do that but I've heard it mentioned on these boards before. Also, did you get a prof/adviser to take a look at your sop? Even though you don't want to change too much (it is afterall your personal statement), but a second set of eyes might pick out what you may have done wrong.

[historygirl]

Cornell07, I remember you mentioned that you were using a different approach that was not popular in your field. It is the approach your advisor uses, correct?

Did you happen to address this in your SOP? The thing is, when you use an approach that isn't widely accepted, many profs will give a pass on the application. They want someone who is willing to learn things they way they teach them. While you may very well be open-minded to learning and exploring other approaches, you need to make that clear in the SOP. These professors have bad experiences with the difficult, know-it-all grad students already, and they don't want to go down that route. Additionally, if it's a method that has not gained wide acceptance in the field, you may lose points simply because they think you're using kind of a "voodoo" approach, undermining your ability to appear as a serious researcher. When it comes to academic research, most professors are very, very conservative.

I would address the method in the SOP by saying that you learned it and practiced it with your advisor and feel that you learned a lot. However, you are looking forward to deepening your practice of other methods, and you feel that you can do that well at X University because of Dr. Conventional's excellent research in that area.

[Minnesotan]

We've had this debate before, but all of my professors told me no anecdotes/narratives/'dear diary' entries. I guess a lot of people get carried away with their "I knew I wanted to be a professional historian of hellenistic philosophy by the time I was 2 years old, because my teddy bear told me that the universe is quenched in fire every 1000 years" stories, which are neither helpful nor interesting to read (and if you actually used my example, they might just think you're looneyshit!).

[amanda1655]

I think it is WAY too general of a statement to say that someone should never incorporate anecdotes into their personal statements. I taught in a low-income elementary school for 2 years before I applied. I tried incorporate some of my experiences working with immigrant communities into my explanation of why I was interested in cultural history and the way that people use symbols and literature to make sense of their experiences.

For me, it served two purposes: 1 - why I had taught in an elementary school for two years and 2 - how it had actually strengthened my interest in history.

[missycari]

I think one of the most important things you can do, if possible, is have a professor read it. I had two read mine. Most will be happy to help you out, and most will know what the committees are looking for!

Some general advice my advisor gave me

- Be specific, but general. That means being able to indicate what your specific interests are NOW but showing your willingness/openness to new approaches and/or fields. That means show your humility. You already know a lot, but indicate that you know you have much to learn... Make sure you show that you are "thinking past" your senior thesis. This sort of humility works best, I think, following all the talking you do about your credentials.

- Make sure you show why program X is a great fit. Demonstrate your familiarity with the program and indicate prospective advisors.

- Keep intro (why I wanted to do this) tight. Spend most of the time talking about your credentials/current interests.

- Make sure you explain/flesh out all the preparation you've done! Don't think the info you list on your app speaks for itself.

TIp: for history, Berkeley has a sample history essay on their website, from a past student. Reading it really helped me get a feel for what they were looking for it. The one they have is also brilliant (in a slightly depressing way), by the way.

Worked for me.

[amanda1655]

Missycari - where is the example? For the life of me, I can't find it and I would be interested in reading it.

[missycari]

Here it is!

http://ls.berkeley.edu/soc/diversity/ap ... ent-1.html

[historygirl]

The UCB statement is harder to find now. It used to come up in a Google search, but no more. Anyway, here's the link misscari is talking about:

http://ls.berkeley.edu/soc/diversity/ap ... ent-1.html

EDIT: Cross-post!

[amanda1655]

All I have to say after reading that is - Wow! I am glad that I didn't have to compete with that person.

[missycari]

Yeah, I think there's a reason why it's on the website... it's probably the best personal statement they ever got, EVER. I was so depressed after I read that the first time though (before I had applied and gotten in anywhere). Now I can confidently assure people that it is not necessary to reproduce that kind of brilliance in order to get in... but, still, we might all be able to learn a thing or two from that example.

[Cornell07]

Well, I'd dare say the Berkeley one gives something to aim for!

[frankdux]

i used this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Graduate-Admissio ... 911&sr=8-1

i guess i'll see how well it worked for me in the coming weeks. :wink: although i can say right away that a few of their suggestions seemed a bit gimmicky. the author recommends starting your essay with some sort of unique life experience that you should then tie into your graduate interests. perhaps easier said than done. the example essays provided start out with statements like "Seeing my father held up at gunpoint...", "Having earned a helicopter license by age 9 I decided to...", "By the time i entered 4th grade I had 3 patents and 2 more pending...". These are insane. Still, most of the advice in the book sounded very reasonable and justifiable.

[Minnesotan]

If only I had 2,000 words to work with, too! Maybe then I would have had such a complete statement.

But, yeah. She certainly turned a boring, boring study into a great statement of purpose. Envy.

[nertperson]

Er....spell check? Unless you really meant the verb "advise". Seriously though, did you have any glaring errors?

[Nofia]

My undergrad/thesis advisor gave me some pointers and then made me write and rewrite and rewrite until he thought my PS was acceptable to send out. And then I rewrote it again after sending it to some potential mentors in programs I wanted to go to, one of whom suggested I make edits to it before applying to the school. While preparing it, I read examples online, and then focused mostly on what I wanted to research, but spent some (limited) time discussing both my previous research experience and how my job and MA (in a related but different field) were a practical application of the field of research I want to go into. I think anecdotes can be helpful if you've had some experiences outside of academia that might need to be explained.

[missycari]

I agree with Nofia, although I would add that I wouldn't be too limited in the amount of space I spent on past experience, if it's particularly relevant and/or impressive. I spent a considerable amount of time on that for mine, and it worked for me. This probably varies from person to person.

[Nofia]

true true; I think I went 3/5 research focus 2/5 past experience maybe? Past experience certainly wasn't a small portion of it by any means, but I did have to limit it from what I wrote in my first draft (I initially had the proportions flipped and my advisor told me to revise so the emphasis was on the research interests).

[schnappi]

I will share some words of wisdom from a superstar of my field, a good man and thorough.

1. NO anecdotes and NO personal stories a la "Ever since I went to Mongolia, I can't stop dreaming of Genghis Khan and his aggressive foreign policy" or "When I was five I first tasted Pouligny-Saint-Pierre. I am yet to spend a day without thinking about bacteria". I'm being facetious, of course, but you get the point. Unless one's personal experience has direct impact on one's potential research (like field research in Mongolia, or teaching/learning a language) it is advisable not to mention it.

2. Avoid emphatic intensifiers and exercise caution with epithets. The committee is likely to be completely un-smegging-gripped if the applicant writes that hu is "very interested in this wonderful program, extremely enthusiastic about the research" or finds that "the profs are amazing and absolutely perfect for me". All these noble sentiments ought to be demonstrated or explained, "I've chosen to apply to this program for X, Y, Z reasons (extensive library resources, opportunities to do research abroad, interdepartmental collaboration, sexy lab, general strength in a specific subfield of a given department, easy access to archives etc.). The research carried out by profs A and B aligns with my own scientific interests because of X, Y and Z."

3. Cogency, brevity and coherent structure. The adcoms have plenty to read. It is best not to complicate their task by exploiting ornamental language and concocting sentences with 50 clauses. For obvious reasons, a repetition of one's CV is undesirable as well as enumeration of the courses that an applicant took throughout hus academic career. Buzz words may be deemed annoying by the weary intellectuals. The general tone of the narrative is a subjective matter. The general guideline is somewhat vague, alas: be assertive, but not smug; be respectful, but not obsequious. Make someone with good taste read the product of your writing anguish.

4. Proofread 50 million times.

Dixi.

[SocGal08]

4. Proofread 50 million times.

Dixi.

I second that! I got really sick of reading my SOP, but I'm glad I did. It actually really helped me to print it out and mark it by hand. For some reason it helped to see it on paper, and I welcomed the chance to get away from my computer.

I've got to disagree with the no personal stories though. I think telling a story is a good way to differentiate yourself, and for me it really gave me something to build my essay around. If you can avoid the cliches, and you really have a stron personal motivation, I think it's really worthwhile.

[NO8DO]

well said, I agree with that statement definitely - especially if the story is genuinely connected with the purpose/reason you decided to pursue a degree in a specific field (obv like mentioned in the last post avoiding cliches - since my guess is that they can sniff those out from 100 miles away)

[erin85]

I had someone within the field I was applying to read my statement, and work with me on revisions.

Since different fields have different writing styles they want, finding someone who knows exactly what the program you are looking into desires and how to write in that format is very helpful.

[Cornell07]

I bit the bullet. Tore through my personal statement. Expunged many paragraphs and re-wrote significant chunks. Less wide-eyed optimism and lofty goals... more reasonable sights for now (ie don't stress or mention the desire to do interdiciplinary work). More specifics. Only 500 words to work with!? Come on, Columbia; do you really only have a New York minute to read my app?

Read. Rewrite. Read. Rewrite. Rinse. Repeat.