Can someone kindly grade my Issue Essay,It would be of great help! :)

[The mind flayer]

Claim: Young people's tendency to make extensive use of portable devices like smartphones and tablets has hurt their development of social skills.

Reason: These devices encourage users to form artificial personalities and relationships online rather than fully and honestly engaging with the people around them.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

 

 

The rise of Technology is inevitable and the use of smart devices has become more flustered among people in recent times. Smartphones and tablets have indeed taken a huge toll on young people-The “iGen” to be precise. The use of smartphones and tablets has hampered the social skills and mental health of young minds drastically.

Social media plays a major role in shaping one’s mind and contributed to the deterioration of mental health of many young minds. For example, the NYT report in 2012 says that the mental health of teenagers have been severely affected. Depression and loneliness have skyrocketed upto 60 percent among late teens. Especially in the recent times, the year before the pandemic, numbers have nearly doubled. The rate of suicide among young people aged between 14-24 has nearly increased to 42 percent in the years 2012 and 2019.The use of smartphones platforms has also been rapidly increasing since 2012.By 2015,almost two-thirds of people in America owned a smartphone. This was the beginning of an era that shaped people constantly through various platforms, especially social media. Instagram was widely becoming popular and had taken a huge toll on young teens. The trauma and the anxiety young people were facing is really evident painstakingly according to the recent census after a thorough analysis. Especially young girls constantly compare themselves to strangers on social media that has been edited until perfection and think that they are not good enough and remain in a really devastated state and feel really anxious about themselves.

Secondly, Socializing is really messed up in this rapidly evolving generation. It’s really hard striking up a conversation with people seeing everyone getting glued to their smartphones. This only really develops an artificial relationship with people. Friendships are really shallow in today’s world. People’s thought process is changing rapidly. The need of actual conversation with people is actually being questioned. In 2011 a survey report conducted by the Montanna academy concluded that social media platforms like Facebook,Instagram,Whatsapp have really strained people’s relationships with one other.These platforms have become more of an intrusion in people’s lives.

But social Media platforms has become really handy and can be used in sharing materials,documents,photos in a blink of an eye.However,this can also be harmful with constant use and some people might use these platform rather abusively at times.on the other hand These smart devices can be used for various purposes-calling,making notes,passing messages etc.Communication has really been made easier by smartphones which was not quiet possible in the past but moderation is always the key.

To conclude, the use of smartphones and tablets has really hampered the social skills and mental health of young minds drastically,However it can be advantages at times but rather a curse otherwise.

 

 

 

 

[The mind flayer]

please guys, can some pleaaaaaaaaseee reply?

[Vyndian]

3.5

[The mind flayer]

Thanks Vyndian!, Could you please say in what ways I could improve on this essay,if you don't mind.Thanks a bunch.

[The mind flayer]

Thanks so much!