Statements of Purpose

[lenin333]

I am considering posting my statements of purpose for review by members here. I feel they were considerably weaker than they should have been. Not focused. Would anyone be willing to trade SOPs? Email me if you are.

[Leica]

I can send you mine if you'd like, but I'd also recommend posting it on the LJ community applyingtograd - that's where all the SOP gurus hang out I was too shy to post mine over there, but I read over the critique a lot of people received and it helped tremendously.

[lenin333]

I am going to give it a few days before I post. What is the LJ address?

[Leica]

http://community.livejournal.com/applyingtograd

[lenin333]

Here is the last one I wrote. I didn't get advice from anyone, which may have been a mistake. All suggestions welcome - even harsh ones.

PhD University of Toronto -Direct Entry

"Following my graduation from St. Louis University, I was afforded the opportunity to teach English in Ljubljana, Slovenia. In addition to giving me valuable practice on the other side of the student

[Leica]

I'll take a stab at this, but take my suggestions for what they're worth - definitely not professing to be an expert!

"Following my graduation from St. Louis University, I was afforded the opportunity to teach English in Ljubljana, Slovenia. In addition to giving me valuable practice on the other side of the student

[Canadianpolsci]

I will not give as detailed responses. I will just say that by far the largest problem with the statement is that it only very briefly describes the thesis you wrote, and then does not use that as a springboard to describe your FUTURE research project(s). What a strong statement needs from someone with an MA is a sort of mini thesis-proposal.

You spend a lot of words saying you are interested in teaching, in culture, in travel. Buy ANYONE can say such things. Try to avoid saying things that are cliched like this. Teaching abroad is nice, but worth only, I think, 1-2 sentences tops.

Put your research and your senior course/seminar learning, as well as your future research plans, in the center. This is academia not the peace core.

Your SOP is not bad. But it is not great, in my opinion -- considering the many interesting things you have done, you could have presented it all better.

[silencio1982]

I will not give as detailed responses. I will just say that by far the largest problem with the statement is that it only very briefly describes the thesis you wrote, and then does not use that as a springboard to describe your FUTURE research project(s). What a strong statement needs from someone with an MA is a sort of mini thesis-proposal.

You spend a lot of words saying you are interested in teaching, in culture, in travel. Buy ANYONE can say such things. Try to avoid saying things that are cliched like this. Teaching abroad is nice, but worth only, I think, 1-2 sentences tops.

Put your research and your senior course/seminar learning, as well as your future research plans, in the center. This is academia not the peace core.

Your SOP is not bad. But it is not great, in my opinion -- considering the many interesting things you have done, you could have presented it all better.

Hey lenin. I agree with the assessment of Canadianpolisci in that you need to include more about your future research. In my opinion the second to last paragraph is strongest... Move that to the forefront- and after you explain your research idea you can use the experiences you have had to say why you are qualified to pursue that topic... and then address why you think X program is the best program in which to pursue that research. I think you have the right idea- but you have to switch the emphasis from what you've done in the past to what you want to do in the future. I spent 2 full paragraphs on the details of my future research question in my SOP. Hope this helps.

[lenin333]

That's pretty much how I feel about this statement - wasn't future oriented enough. Probably should have had someone else look at them before I fired them off.

Now where is my adviser... Juan?!?!?

[sundaymonday]

Hi Lenin - I took the liberty of adding a few comments within the body of your text below. I've mentioned before that I work in the office of a top 10 social science program (not poli sci). I'm not an expert, but I have read countless personal statements written by people who were accepted to that program, had my SoP reviewed by five different professors and revised it ten more times before sending it out. I was short, but honest in my comments. Hopefully you'll find them a little helpful. I'm pretty much echoing a lot of the sentiment that's been going around on this thread. If you like, I'd be happy to send you my statement via email so you can take a look at what I mean. Just send me a PM if interested.

PhD University of Toronto -Direct Entry

"Following my graduation from St. Louis University, I was afforded the opportunity to teach English in Ljubljana, Slovenia. In addition to giving me valuable practice on the other side of the student

[Peter]

Hi Lenin---

For what it's worth here are my two cents:

The SOP should be exceptionally dry--no idealism, not even much "why I care about political science" etc. Remember, from what I have observed POLS profs are neither creative nor exceptionally interesting in their writing. Yours should follow suit. I had to leave any former English major creativity at the door...

I know many will disagree with this, but as a rule of thumb I think the readers want to see the following:

1. You understand what you're getting into with a PhD--- i.e. you understand the "plight" of the researcher, the challenges in the discipline, the struggle of identifying an appropritate research question and seeing it through, blah, blah, blah. This is the exceptionally dry part, and honestly is like paying homage to the readers' professions. OH well, I think it needs to be there.

2. You have a clear research question and design. How will you work on this at the PhD level? Have you worked on it at the MA/BA level? This should be a significant part of your SOP. Again, explain the process/trials/oh-the-life-of-an-academic-is-so-hard-and-is-reflected-in-my-tenacity-w/-working-w/-this project pursued as you've worked with this topic.

3. How can your work walk hand in hand with the university in question. Here's where you broaden the topic if necessary to fit with faculty interests, etc.

Just thoughts...

[MissingVandyCandy]

Wow Lenin Got some good replies. Lenin I owe you my reply to (you e-mailed me yours)... If anyone else is willing to do the same thing for me that you did for Lenin below is my effort (names of workplaces and professors changed to conceal identity)...

[Canadianpolsci]

the SOP jost posted was, again, way too personal. You inserted a poem (puke!).

This is not the peace core. It is much closer to a cover letter for a job -- I mean, that is what you need to write.

[sundaymonday]

SOP

As a transfer student, my first days on Vanderbilt

[eve2008]

I disagree that the statement must be devoid of creativity. I did use a hook in my personal statement at just one of the places I applied to (and I did get in, even though it may have been a bit risky). But you have to know yourself and know that you are good enough of a writer to pull that off and that it serves a very specific purpose, that it communicates something important about you.

Rather than comment specifically on the statements of purpose posted here, I'd like to make a few general comments about what I think ought to go into a statement of purpose. This is not the only way to do it, but this is probably the advice I'll give my undergraduates someday when they are applying to graduate school.

Spend one, short paragraph talking about the school you're applying to and why it's a great fit, given the research interests you just elaborated. That should probably be the last paragraph. Spend the penultimate paragraph talking about your qualifications, which is really just a way to highlight what you think are the most persuasive arguments about your profile. These should be arguments that support your academic promise and research potential. Don't spend any more time than that since the rest of your application should speak for you.

The balance--probably 90%--should be spent talking about your research interests, with reference to past research and experiences only where it relates to those research interests. When you articulate those interests, you don't need to go into too much detail, but you should establish your specific theoretical and substantive interests, linking them to larger questions (questions that might are relevant not just people who are really interested in political parties in Mexico, but colleagues with interests in other regions, or colleagues in other subfields, or perhaps even people outside the discipline). The entire point of this is not to lock yourself in, because your interests will change, but to 1) establish fit and 2) show that you know how to think like a political scientist, how to frame questions like one. You should show off your ability to think.

There is only one correct answer to the "why I want to be a Ph.D question" and it can be answered in exactly one sentence. It should be some variation of, "I want to be an academic forever and ever and ever." Even if you're not sure, this is the only answer to that question you want to put in a statement of purpose. I disagree with Peter that you should spend time talking about how hard the profession or that you know what your getting yourself into. Hopefully all those As on your transcript and the blood and sweat you've put into your research should speak to that. And at any rate, your letter writers will speak to your maturity and preparation.

The grad student statement of purpose is completely different from a college application essay. They really don't care about your personal story, they want to look inside your brain and know whether you're a good fit for them.

If for some reason your personal story has a bearing on your academic interests or career promise, for example, you worked 3 jobs to finance your college education or are a former child soldier, you should definitely write a separate diversity essay. I think if you are unusual, there are some things committees ought to know if they are to evaluate your application in its proper light. But tread carefully.

Lastly, I just have to say that I am a bit weary of trying to give advice on this forum because some people have pointed out, albeit rightly, that we are all applicants, similarly ignorant of grad school. Still, that doesn't automatically make the advice wrong. I got incredibly good advising throughout the application process and I had my advisers look over my statement and say some pretty blunt things until I got the idea. Not everyone is as lucky, and so I think that it's only right to share this sort of information....

Good luck to everyone!

[sundaymonday]

I disagree that the statement must be devoid of creativity.

I don't think I said that. Obviously if you're writing like a robot, that's not good either. I mentioned a few personal things in my statement, but it was related to either research that I'd done, or it was something that qualified me in some way to be a doctoral student at [insert program here]. How your personal story relates to being a doctoral student and researcher is going to be different for everyone (herein lies the creative part), but I think there should be a defined relationship between the two. Otherwise, it's just extraneous.

Lastly, I just have to say that I am a bit weary of trying to give advice on this forum because some people have pointed out, albeit rightly, that we are all applicants, similarly ignorant of grad school.

I'm not really sure this applies here, as both posters of their SoPs did so specifically to get feedback about their statements from other people on the forum. I also mentioned that I work at a graduate department and have assisted the admissions committee there through several cycles. Although I'm a first-time graduate applicant, I wouldn't say I was "similarly ignorant of grad school" as some others who are going through this process. The advice I've received from said committee has helped me a lot - a lot meaning going from community college to a BA from a continuing ed school with no admissions criteria (I worked full-time while in school and had to take night classes), to being accepted with full-funding into two very reputable PhD programs. Of course other people have gotten into reputable programs having taken a different approach to their statements. This is just what worked for me.

[silencio1982]

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[MissingVandyCandy]

Very helpful, thanks for all the suggestions. I must say I still am undecided (it's hard to say if my impending 0-8 is related to the SOP) whether or not personal narrative, creative hooks and pointing out that the PhD means more to me than a chance at a teaching job but the centrality of academe to a worthwhile career in my view is entirely a waste of space. Perhaps. Though using nearly this same SOP last cycle landed me 1 attractive offer. I think I took the gamble because in some ways (no major bad grades or bad GREs but simply adequate), I thought that I needed to differentiate somewhat. Again tough to say but in some ways a more focused albeit boring approach might have been better.

[silencio1982]

I must say I still am undecided (it's hard to say if my impending 0-8 is related to the SOP) whether or not personal narrative, creative hooks and pointing out that the PhD means more to me than a chance at a teaching job but the centrality of academe to a worthwhile career in my view is entirely a waste of space. Perhaps.

Hey there- I don't think it's entirely a waste of space- it's a tricky approach and some people probably do pull it off- I, however, would prefer to play it safe in the SOP. It's subjective, of course. If you choose to leave those aspects in, I do think that considering the length of the essay you should spend less time on personal narrative, creative hooks, and your love of academia and more on delving into specific aspects of your future research. It's a tough call. Some departments probably put a lot more weight on SOPs than others. Some individuals on adcoms are probably bored of reading 400 essays like mine; yours probably would catch someone's eye just by being different.

Personalization and passion are really important- don't get me wrong- but I think you can talk about your potential research in a very personalized and passionate way rather than about your personal story. It's cynical, but that's what adcoms are interested in (at least I think)- your research potential- not your biography. Most, if not all of us, can probably say that our research topic is connected in some very personal way to who we are. Most, if not all of us, feel passionately about the academy as a place to explore questions central to life, realize our dreams, and yadda yadda. Most, if not all of us, have had an A-ha! moment where we realized deep down in our core that this is the best possible life we can envision for ourselves. Your talent as a writer definitely adds to the weight of your story, but I don't think that your story is primarily what they are interested in. Then again- you have to be yourself in your SOP. So if handing in something that is entirely focused on your potential research and qualifications to carry it out seems wrong to you, stick to your guns. If it worked before, I can't see why it wouldn't work again.

Of course, maybe adcoms pin all our SOPs up to a wall and play pin the tail on the admits. I really have no clue.

[MissingVandyCandy]

All good point. Your willingness to actually read through the entire piece and say something substantive was very thoughtful and helpful. I may yet try my hand again next year in this crazy process!

[zephyr]

remember, the people reading these are looking for research proposals. considering the insane number of applicants, they want as many weed-out factors as possible, so the ability to explain the kind of research you are interested in, with some level of clarity, is the most important thing out of the SOP. i also think it plays a HUGE role in terms of getting you to the final selection round for each program - though at that point, all bets are off in terms of who gets in and who doesn't. in my opinion, you should spend at least 60% of your SOP talking about the kind of research you want to conduct, and maybe another 20% on how your academic/life experiences have helped you take interest in/pursue that area of research. i am pretty sure they will not seriously consider you if you do not spend most of the SOP talking about what you want to study with some specificity - not too much, because your interests will certainly change in grad school, but enough meat...so if you say you want to study state election behavior, nationalism in europe, or causes of war or terrorism, you better have some depth to it. let your passion come through, but do it in terms of why these issues you want to study are important to you. admittedly, i'm saying this as someone who has so far gone 0-6, but i'm positive i've made it to the final cuts in every program and just have been a little unlucky. i think the SOP is far more important than stats (assuming you've got a decent GPA and GRE scores). i'm pretty sure an applicant w/ a 3.5 and a 1450 GRE with a SOP that doesn't focus extensively on proposed research is far less likely to be admitted than an applicant w/ a 3.4, a 1300 GRE, and a detailed SOP.

[eve2008]

hey sundaymonday. i think we are saying almost the same thing.