Does grad school kill your dating life?

[TheDude]

I know...I know: A topic coming way out of left field.

Undergrad experiences aside, I'm expecting grad school, and Ph.D.,programs specifically, to be really time consuming.

How much of a social life do you have once your there? Is it easy to meet people and mingle? Or should I expect to be running to a lab, class, home and all over again?

Silly I know.

[socialpsych]

I think if you want to create balance in your life, you can (at least in psych and similar programs). I was already with my SO before I started the program, but the majority of other students in my program have dated actively at some point in the program and eventually met a long-term partner. So, whether you are just looking to mingle or prefer to start a serious relationship, I believe you can make time in grad school if it is important enough to you.

[newms]

I know...I know: A topic coming way out of left field.

Undergrad experiences aside, I'm expecting grad school, and Ph.D.,programs specifically, to be really time consuming.

How much of a social life do you have once your there? Is it easy to meet people and mingle? Or should I expect to be running to a lab, class, home and all over again?

Silly I know.

It's not a silly question as I imagine that a lot of grad students (and future grad students) think about this. People meet in grad school and end up marrying so it is very possible to have a dating life in grad school. I guess like everything else in grad school, it comes down to you having to make the time for it. Then again, I don't know what your dating life was like before grad school.

Edited October 6, 2010 by newms

[UnlikelyGrad]

It's not a silly question as I imagine that a lot of grad students (and future grad students) think about this. People meet in grad school and end up marrying so it is very possible to have a dating life in grad school. I guess like everything else in grad school, it comes down to you having to make the time for it. Then again, I don't know what your dating life was like before grad school.

In my program, the only grad students who aren't in a long-term relationship are those who just arrived on campus this year. (Some date other students, others date non-students.) People don't seem to have any problems finding people to hook up with.

[TheDude]

Ha! I'm in the boonies so I try to do my best, but everybody here lives 30-45 minutes from each other by car so it isn't as easy to just go mingle in the city, go sit in a bookstore and do work or something.... because, well, there is no city and everything is ridiculously far apart! But I've had success.

The most important part of grad school is undoubtedly the educational experience. However, I found when conducting research that I need that balance of all aspects of life to be successful. So while I expect to pull long hours in labs and constantly have something to finish up, I certainly want to make the most of whatever free time I have. I've just had people tell me to forget that thought when I go to grad school, and I've had some professors tell me you'll work hard and play hard. Maybe, like anything, it is just the environment? Some departments will be insular, others more open, etc.

I just wanted to know people's experiences on this front.

[socialpsych]

while I expect to pull long hours in labs and constantly have something to finish up, I certainly want to make the most of whatever free time I have. I've just had people tell me to forget that thought when I go to grad school, and I've had some professors tell me you'll work hard and play hard. Maybe, like anything, it is just the environment? Some departments will be insular, others more open, etc.

This is definitely true, and it will be a struggle if you end up in a program whose culture doesn't match your preferred life balance. Current students tend to be a good source for this sort of information.

[adaptations]

I think you just have to prioritize and figure out what works for you. I knew plenty of grad students that made time to date, go out on the town and actually enjoy life. Of course "enjoying life" is a very relative term, so you just have to make the most of the time you have.

[rising_star]

This is my fifth year in grad school. I've dated off and on and had two different relationships. There is time to date and be in a relationship if you want there to be time for that. You have to make time to relax in grad school, or you'll burn out and drop out. For me, I watch football, go to bars with my friends, and hang out with my partner to relax.

[was1984]

I haven't had any trouble having a social life. The thing that will make your dating life harder, at least if you are male, is your lack of a good job and lack of money. That's not -that- hard to overcome though.

[Roger84]

I am jumping in a bit late on this thread, but thanks for starting it. I had a friend tell me he had to read 1000 pages his first week of grad school, so I was totally thinking that there would be no time for much else than studying. Good to know that it is feasible to get out a bit.

[coyabean]

I don't know if grad school kills it but living in Atlanta surely does! As does attending a school with very, very few minorities and/or students in your age group.

ETA: As soon as I posted this I realized that I've just gotten home at around 2am from a b'day dinner at a swanky midtown jazz bar, a live music irish singalong and a night of debauchery with colleagues. So, dating might be slim but I am not hurting for socialization. You need it. A group of women I met at orientation and I have become great friends. A week or two can pass with no conversation and then one of us needs a break, sends an email and it's on! It's working out. It's a new kind of way to do relationships: we never, for instance, speak on the phone. But we all understand the day-to-day life we're leading and it isn't expected. So, it's good. And possible.

Edited November 13, 2010 by coyabean