Personal Statement Critique

[Mrs. Grad]

Removed. Sorry, I misunderstood the critiquing system.

I would appreciate a critique, though, if anyone is interested!

Edited December 7, 2010 by ej_flambert

[crayolacat]

Your first two paragraphs were of the "When I was a child..." variety. The advise I have read has been not to do that. I think I might start with something that you would consider to be an experience from your mature self that made you decide you were hooked (as the writing hook, heh) and needed to continue toward your PhD.

[Mrs. Grad]

Your first two paragraphs were of the "When I was a child..." variety. The advise I have read has been not to do that. I think I might start with something that you would consider to be an experience from your mature self that made you decide you were hooked (as the writing hook, heh) and needed to continue toward your PhD.

I gave my husband similar criticism surrounding the first paragraph, but he was reassured by his peers that their essays (which used a similar theme) successfully earned them some acceptance letters.

However, I'm inclined to agree with your take on the opening paragraph.

[alleycat393]

Removed. Sorry, I misunderstood the critiquing system.

I would appreciate a critique, though, if anyone is interested!

I can help if you'd like?

[bachman]

I am having some serious trouble with my SOP.

I have a very interesting background that I want to make the focus of studying further, working with refugees in Malaysia, but I do not want to sound cliche or overly idealistic. This is the trouble I am having.

Everytime I construct the paragraph I think it is great. Then I go back and read it....

Maybe it is because it is me, but if any of you can offer some input I would greatly appreciate it. Please let me know and I will send in a PM

[indyir]

Hey can go over it if u like ! Im applying for IR too ! the problem Im facing is that I am giving the instance i first got hooked to IR but i feel the incident isnt substantial enough !