Please evaluate my SOP

[ameypathak]

Statement Of purpose

My primary objective of applying to NCSU is to gain expertise and credulity in the field of Networks, which has evolved as my ultimate passion. An MS followed by PhD is just one step towards realizing this goal. As a statement of purpose I, Amey Pathak, an aspiring computer network researcher, would like to elaborate on my academic background and preparation, areas of interest and career goals.

In college, I always enjoyed long hours in the labs. It gave me the opportunity to correlate theory to practical phenomena. This in turn gave me a better understanding of the subject and newer lines of thinking. Curriculum at our university exposed me to the entire gamut of computer world from simple hardware assembly to sending most complex information from one peer to another thus laying a strong foundation for both my Hardware and Software fundamentals. Of late I have developed a keen interest in the field of Networking and especially Network Security and I want to delve into this domain further. I am taken courses related to basics of Networks, Network Management and Network Security. In Network security I studied various encryption decryption algorithms, several threats & their counter attacks. I also learned that security can be provided at various levels within the networks. Some of the topics which we covered – Conventional Encryption, Public Key Encryption & Hash Functions, MAC & Hash algorithms, Authentication Applications, IP Security, Web Security, Intruders, Viruses & Worms. In Network Management I came across various protocols (SNMP, GGP, RIP, OSPF, and TELNET. SMTP, FTP etc.) and their working. I also enjoyed the courses in Multimedia and Operating systems. I developed many software programs in C,C++, Perl and JAVA. I gave a number of presentations on subjects beyond the scope of my syllabus including Computer Assembling, J2ME, and mySQL etc.

I did my minor project on “Shortest Path finder” in JAVA programming language. The aim of the project is to find the shortest path between two nodes (source and destination). The waypoints are depicted in design of the map. The algorithm used to find the shortest path is Dijkstra’s algorithm on java platform supported by Net beans IDE. It can also be used for finding costs of shortest paths from a single vertex to a single destination vertex by stopping the algorithm once the shortest path to the destination vertex has been determined. As a result, the shortest path is widely used in network routing protocols, most notably IS-IS and OSPF (Open Shortest Path First).This project taught me how to use the advanced java API`s as well as image handling in java.

I took my undergraduate project under the guidance of Dr. G.L. Prajapati(Head of Department CS). I worked on Network Intrusion Detection Systems in my first phase of the project. I developed an efficient Signature Detection Engine to detect network attacks and packet anomalies using Snort-IDS rules.

Working on the projects and research papers gave me a sound technical base and I started to find my niche in the areas of Networks and Systems. At the same greatest advantage of involving me in these activities was that I developed the ability to multi-task effectively. Besides the college academics I was actively involved in the extra-curricular activities. I represented my college at state level Table Tennis and Debate competitions as well as I was the event head (LAN games) at the Techfest held at our institute. I participated in the NEXUS solar bots competition help at IIT Bombay and was among the top performers. The competition taught me several concepts of microcontroller programming. I wanted to self-finance my education, hence also worked part-time. I was also an active amateur environmentalist. The driving force behind all this was my aim to develop all the facets of my personality. Along with above activities the biggest challenge was to keep up my grades as good as possible and with the skill of judicious allocation of time and energy, I am in top 10 of my class with 60%.

Currently I am looking forward to take on cutting-edge research in the field of Advanced Computing, with a specific reference to Computer Networks and Systems which has evolved as my fields of interests during undergrads. This calls for comprehensive research. I cannot pursue this idea while still in a job. Besides an academic program under the guidance of able professors would help me identify my specific research interests. Hence I have decided to pursue my Master degree in a research-focused environment.

The distinguished faculty and excellent facilities at your university make its graduate program ideally suited to my professional goals. The application driven research and development carried out in the areas of Networks and Systems coheres to my liking. There are lots of esteemed faculties and research groups are working in my fields of interest and this will provide me immense opportunity to learn and develop a deep perspective. I am extremely interested in the research work that Associate Professor Rudra Dutta is carrying out and wish to write an MS level thesis with him. His research in Network Design, Optical Networks, Wireless Sensor and Mesh Networks, matches with my own interests. I am equally attracted to the work of Professor Peng Ning who is working in the areas of Wirless Security, intrusion detection and Software and Systems Security. I am also having a high affinity towards the research work done by Professor Injong Rhee in Computer Networks and Systems. His recent research works in TCP/IP Networks, Flow and Congestion Control, Wireless Networks, Sensor Networks, Multimedia, and Multicast develops huge interests in me and I would be more than satisfied in writing an MS level thesis in these fields.

Without your graduate program, my pursuit in my vocations seems to remain incomplete. I am confident that my consistent academic records, my authentic and worked out projects in my field of interest and my strong willingness to learn more are some of the positive attributes which shall help me get through your program.

[surprisecake]

K, i'm going to be brutal! (It's the only way I know how)

My primary objective of applying to NCSU is to gain expertise and credulity

Do you mean credibility?

in the field of Networks, which has evolved as my ultimate passion. An MS followed by PhD is just one step towards realizing this goal. As a statement of purpose I, Amey Pathak, an aspiring computer network researcher, would like to elaborate on my academic background and preparation, areas of interest and career goals.

This introduction to an SOP is totally superfluous. You should save words and dive write into the meaty part of your SOP.

Curriculum at our university exposed me to the entire gamut of computer world

I'd subtract "world"

from simple hardware assembly to sending most complex information from one peer to another thus laying a strong foundation for both my Hardware and Software fundamentals. Of late I have developed a keen interest in the field of Networking and especially Network Security and I want to delve into this domain further. I am taken courses related to basics of Networks, Network Management and Network Security. In Network security I studied various encryption decryption algorithms, several threats & their counter attacks. I also learned that security can be provided at various levels within the networks. Some of the topics which we covered – Conventional Encryption, Public Key Encryption & Hash Functions, MAC & Hash algorithms, Authentication Applications, IP Security, Web Security, Intruders, Viruses & Worms. In Network Management I came across various protocols (SNMP, GGP, RIP, OSPF, and TELNET. SMTP, FTP etc.) and their working. I also enjoyed the courses in Multimedia and Operating systems. I developed many software programs in C,C++, Perl and JAVA. I gave a number of presentations on subjects beyond the scope of my syllabus including Computer Assembling, J2ME, and mySQL etc.

Talk more about your presentations here? Maybe take out some of the software name-dropping. There's nothign wrong with this paragraph but it seems non-essential.

Edited January 1, 2011 by surprisecake

[surprisecake]

I took my undergraduate project

Undertook

Besides the college academics I was actively involved in the extra-curricular activities. I represented my college at state level Table Tennis and Debate competitions as well as I was the event head (LAN games) at the Techfest held at our institute.

Remove! Might annoy adcomms.

I participated in the NEXUS solar bots competition help at IIT Bombay and was among the top performers.

awesome

I would remove these lines: If you want to share something in your statement, why don't you try to weave it into a narrative? You've stated a lot of things very plainly and they don't read too well.

I was also an active amateur environmentalist. The driving force behind all this was my aim to develop all the facets of my personality.

[surprisecake]

I wanted to self-finance my education, hence also worked part-time. Along with above activities the biggest challenge was to keep up my grades as good as possible and with the skill of judicious allocation of time and energy, I am in top 10 of my class with 60%.

'It was a challenge to stay in the top 10 of your class while juggling part-time work'. Again, try not to plainly state you "judiciously allocated time". That's implied.

Minor grammar edit:

I now look forward to take on cutting-edge research in the field of Advanced Computing: specifically Computer Networks and Systems which evolved as my primary field of interest during undergraduate studies

This calls for comprehensive research. I cannot pursue this idea while still in a job. Besides an academic program under the guidance of able professors would help me identify my specific research interests. Hence I have decided to pursue my Master degree in a research-focused environment.

I REALLY doubt that line of reasoning will go down well with adcomms. I would eliminate these lines entirely and continue with wanting to build on your undergraduate courses and develop your skills in XXXX, to enable you to pursue your career of choice.

coheres to my liking.

= is ideal.

There are lots of esteemed faculties and research groups are working in my fields of interest

The distinguished faculty and research labs associated with/ working in my field of interest

[surprisecake]

and wish to write an MS level thesis with him.

under him? This may be implied if a thesis is mandatory in your programs.

matches with my own interests.

closely matches my interests.

I am equally attracted to the

Interested in... or fascinated by, at most!

I am also having a high affinity towards the research work done by Professor Injong Rhee in Computer Networks and Systems. His recent research works in TCP/IP Networks, Flow and Congestion Control, Wireless Networks, Sensor Networks, Multimedia, and Multicast develops huge interests in me and I would be more than satisfied in writing an MS level thesis in these fields.

Dr. Injong Rhee's research in TCP/IP networks, flow and congestion control, and Multicast interests me greatly and I would be keen to pursue these areas at the Masters level.

(More than satisfied --- please avoid!)

In general, never refer to faculty by their titles, always use "Dr."

Without your graduate program, my pursuit in my vocations seems to remain incomplete.

Dramatic! Erase!

I am confident that my consistent academic records, my authentic and worked out projects in my field of interest and my strong willingness to learn more are some of the positive attributes which shall help me get through your program.

I am confident that my consistent academic performance, my sincere dedication to my research projects and willingness to learn will allow me to thrive at the School of XXXX

Sorry it wouldn't let me put all the quotes in one post!

Edited January 1, 2011 by surprisecake

[Comedian]

May I ask someone to check mine?