Another sucker needs some advice

[vlock1]

Hey, guys. I've been trying to make head or tail of the grad school morass for the last couple of years, and I've had enough of it, especially considering that deadlines are rapidly approaching for the sorts of programs I'm looking into. Plus which there's of course the fact that every day that passes is one I'll never have back, and I'm naturally somewhat neurotic, as though this insomniac introduction didn't already make that fairly clear.

Okay, so I'm a guy, early 30s, holding a Literature BA with a history minor. (I've taken to calling the Lit degree "English" on resumes, because why the hell not.) I've been working rather desultorily for the past couple of years, ever since the economy really started to crash, and my luck's been at kind of a low ebb for quite awhile. I've got years of experience in sales and general office work (my last job title was Admin Assistant and Sales at an independent bookstore) and have yet been striking out left and right in the search for full-time work, while many of my friends- in point of fact all of my friends- who have grad degrees of any sort have, until now, been able to avoid being laid off. My undergrad debt isn't punishing (25k or so) and I don't particularly want to be yoked to New York for the rest of my life. That said, I'm also in a pretty stable relationship, and she's not interested in going overseas.

So basically, I have a lot of wanderlust, and a lot of confusion. All that I've ever particularly wanted out of life was a job somewhere in the 45K range that would allow me some freedom to pursue my more artistic- and less lucrative, naturally- aims and not make me want to hang myself. But I've been studying my options for so long that I'm getting to the breaking point, and graduate school has come into play as a result. My problems, then, are as follows:

1. I've avoided even considering an MFA to this point, because it seemed like a colossal waste of money. However, a good friend of mine just got her MFA (at a Boston school, which meant she was living in Boston, which is also tremendously attractive) and landed a Fulbright, and is now researching a book in Taiwan and teaching English. She's okay with teaching when she gets back, though, and I've never particularly wanted to teach.

2. I don't care terribly much what I might go back to study- I've got a pretty wide range of interests and I pick things up quite quickly- but I live in ridiculous fear of taking on untenable debt to study something that isn't going to land me at least a decent job once I graduate. Beyond the fact that I don't have the undergrad background to qualify for the more rigorous fields of science, I'm pretty confident (well, reasonably confident) that I wouldn't embarrass myself in too many fields of study. Has anyone else had a problem trying to figure out what field to attempt to move into?

3. I'd, as I said, like to have a little flexibility- as in, the potential to transfer to other offices in other cities or other countries. I don't want to live my life only having explored the five cities I've thus far lived in. Is it reasonable to expect a grad degree to afford me this flexibility? At least more than my undergrad degree has done?

4. I do not have, and have never had, any help from home. My parents live in a ridiculously expensive area of the country (the Hamptons) and neither of them are professionals in the classic sense. Neither of them even went to college. What they've done in being able to build a house out there is nothing short of a miracle, to my eye, but it's left them stretched incredibly thin financially. Ideally, I'd like to be able to help them live a little more comfortably before we all get too old to have those desires any longer.

5. I'm, as I said, paranoid about the passage of time. It's no exaggeration to say that I'm already older than I ever thought I'd be. Thus, I'm trying to plan accordingly, which I think is what's gotten me into this mess in the first place- I didn't think twice about what I studied in undergrad.

6. The most important thing for me for most of my younger life was writing fiction. That's not really the case any longer. What I think I'd most like to do is- well, I guess go to interesting places, talk to interesting people, and write interesting things about them. (Ever hear of Charlie LeDuff? Something like him.) But if I've only got a small window of opportunity, I think it might make more sense to go back for something boring but useful, work for the next 18-20 years, accept that I'm no longer a young artistic flash, and go be grizzled someplace once I've got a nest egg built up. This is, more than anything, I think, the crux of my problem- I've never really had any financial breathing room, throughout the course of my life. (You'd think that might have caused someone to recommend I study, say, engineering as an undergrad. But no.) Going to journalism school worked out well for a friend of mine, but he got really lucky, and, like I said, I'm terrified of wasting money I don't yet have.

7. In re: the wasting money thing, though- are grants terribly hard to come by these days? By which I mean, I was thinking about trying to do two grad degrees back to back- an MFA, if I could get it paid for, and then right smack back into a more marketable field, and THEN on into the white collar world. (At 36 or 37. I'm sure employers will just lap that up.) Is this a slice of insanity? Or should I belay this year and spend it- while working whatever little pissant jobs I can find to keep my head up- planning to go back next year for an MFA/MBA or MFA/MS or something like that?

8. Finally, and most importantly, am I completely out of my skull?

Thanks for humoring me. Sorry for the length. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

I am, yours, &c.

[emmm]

8. Finally, and most importantly, am I completely out of my skull?

I don't think you're COMPLETELY nuts, you sound at least as sane as I am (but that might not be saying much . . .). I am probably a decade or so older than you, and applying to grad school this cycle. Unfortunately, I can't give you much advice, since I'm applying to the one area you specifically mentioned as NOT being an option for you (sciences). However, I went in to the application process thinking I was a real long-shot for serious consideration, especially as I could only apply to our local (and very competitve) university, and I now have interviews! So, it is possible. Of course I worry about what my future employment options might be, and I do not intend to take on any student loan debt. In fact, a graduate stipend is probably my best option financially right now. I'm not sure I'd be considering this path if I had to pay for the degree, given the uncertainty in the job market right now.

So, sorry I couldn't be more help, but I wanted to let you know you're not crazy and to wish you good luck.

[XOwlfan]

Definitely not crazy--and thinking through things as thoroughly as you are can only be a good thing. Here are some thoughts:

1. Because you don't have very specific "research" goals in mind, look for masters programs that are broad and will allow you to explore your interests. If an MFA is a goal....perhaps look at general MAs in Literature first....or combination programs that allow you to pursue MAs and MFAs at the same time.

2. For better chances at getting a funded program, look for smaller universities (in out of the way places) that cater to masters students (not doctoral students). Straight out of her undergraduate program, my friend landed a full-ride and stipend at Northern Michigan University (English)--she loved it there...went on to Notre Dame (free) for her MFA, has travelled the world teaching English and working, and is now finishing up her doctorate somewhere quite competitive. At the time, she had also been accepted to more competitive masters programs, but she followed the money and has been very successful.

3. For better chances of getting funding, apply to programs that will really appreciate YOUR history, accomplishments, etc. Graduate programs consider students to be resources.

Just a few thoughts for now. Good luck!

[MoJingly]

I am afraid I have nothing else to offer except encouragement.

Your post did not seem irrational at all. Quite the opposite. In fact, it seemed completely realistic. You've got a lot of things going for you in this process.

1. You are not under the delusion that a graduate degree will automatically mean a comfortable lifestyle with financial stability.

2. You do not give the impression that you are dodging the recession with graduate school.

3. You will naturally re-think and analyze whatever decision you make, and your final decision will be well-informed and, as a result, probably the right one.

Success in an endeavor like this requires a bit of neuroticism, so embrace what you've got.

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

Success in an endeavor like this requires a bit of neuroticism, so embrace what you've got.

That deserves to be cross-stitched and prominently displayed in every academic's office.