Would someone please give their opinion on this paragraph I added to my SOP?

[toxic_sci]

My GPA is not really good, and to be perfectly honest, I really don't have a legitimately good excuse as to why - I was just lazy. It was a huge mistake on my part, but all I can do is move forward and hope something else in my application appeals to them other than my transcript. I originally didn't even mention it in my SOP since there really is no good reason, but one of my professors told me to address it (another told me not to mention it at all). This is what I came up with (and it is all true...I didn't just make this up. It's just not really a good excuse):

"When I did finally decide to change my major to chemistry in the fall of 2008, I was working 30 hours a week to keep myself in school. I had mostly only upper division classes left to complete my degree and it had been three years since my last math class. Under these circumstances, to say my road to graduation at that point was a little daunting would be an enormous understatement. I had to balance these courses commonly perceived as difficult with working five hour shifts every night of the week, and as a result, I know my GPA is no where near as good as it could have been. However, I believe working to support myself in school all the while persevering to finish my degree has made me an immensely strong person ready to take graduate school by the horns. I look at graduate school as a job, so I know there will be no outside distractions preventing me from not putting forth my best effort; I know I’ll be able to devote 100% of my focus to my research and my degree."

So how does that sound? Is it smart to include that, or will I be shooting myself in the foot? Should I change something?

TIA for opinions.

[MoJingly]

When I did finally decide to change my major to chemistry in the fall of 2008, I was working 30 hours a week to keep myself in school. I had mostly only upper division classes left to complete my degree and it had been three years since my last math class. Under these circumstances, to say my road to graduation at that point was a little daunting would be an enormous understatement. I had to balance these courses commonly perceived as difficult with working five hour shifts every night of the week, and as a result, I know my GPA is no where near as good as it could have been. However, I believe working to support myself in school all the while persevering to finish my degree has made me an immensely strong person ready to take graduate school by the horns. I look at graduate school as a job, so I know there will be no outside distractions preventing me from not putting forth my best effort; I know I’ll be able to devote 100% of my focus to my research and my degree.

I would omit that first part. No need to set the stage. "My low GPA is not an indication of my ability to succeed in graduate school. But I am a stronger person because of my determination to work and finish my degree."

I look at graduate school as a job.

Maybe so, but that makes it sound unexciting. "Graduate school will be an exciting opportunity to solely dedicate myself to my work and reach my full potential without the need to find financial support elsewhere."

You know, just more eloquently

[toxic_sci]

Wow thank you! These are really good ideas. However, just a question on omitting the first part. I go from the first paragraph describing why I chose chemistry into this one that I posted here. So I think it doesn't quite flow well enough to just jump in with "My low GPA..." Would it really be that terrible to leave it all in, maybe just changing it a bit?

[MoJingly]

Transitions are definitely good. That's why it's hard to edit just one paragraph without knowing how it fits into the whole SOP

When I did finally decide to change my major to chemistry in the fall of 2008, I was working 30 hours a week to keep myself in school. I had mostly only upper division classes left to complete my degree and it had been three years since my last math class. Under these circumstances, to say my road to graduation at that point was a little daunting would be an enormous understatement. I had to balance these courses commonly perceived as difficult with working five hour shifts every night of the week, and as a result, I know my GPA is no where near as good as it could have been. However, I believe working to support myself in school all the while persevering to finish my degree has made me an immensely strong person ready to take graduate school by the horns. I look at graduate school as a job, so I know there will be no outside distractions preventing me from not putting forth my best effort; I know I’ll be able to devote 100% of my focus to my research and my degree

So I would suggest something like that.

Edited January 27, 2011 by MoJingly

[lab ratta-tat-tat]

whats your GPA? If it is less than a 3.0 you need to address it seeing as though grad schools require that minimum and profs have to jump a lot of hoops to get some one in with that kind of GPA.

Do not say "You look at grad school as a job" they will say "well you should, graduate school IS a job".

If anything I would discuss how the experiences you have had, working hard in school and doing research speaks to your ability to succeed in grad school or how it is parallel with your immediate career goals-graduate school, which will facilitate your long term career goals (whatever you choose)

I would focus on the positives if there is a blemish in your record you could talk about it briefly but back it up with hell of a lot of positive statements that highlight your abilities and make you look like a good candidate (which you are )