You have to go here! You have to go here!

[TMP]

This has kept me awake on a quite few occasions. I don't know what or how to feel about it. Maybe I'm wasting my time but I'd like to hear some thoughts.

I applied to this one school where I have very good fit with two professors and it's my third try this year (I really had no idea what I was doing in my first year). Sounds good so far.

Problem?

Every other professor, my university and in other programs, asked if I would or encouraged me to apply to this particular school because of perfect faculty matches. I was quite stunned by the number of academics (in academia and out) suggesting these professors. Almost as if there are no other option. I'm fairly certain that my last rejection form another school was just because of this. When I met with the professors at this rejected university a few months back, they actually wondered aloud whether or not I'd be better off at this school than their own program. I quickly assured them that it was one of my top TWO choices. (FAIL, of course.)

Of course, my family and close friends would love it if I go there. No question about it. I wasn't in love with the area but one of my friends was generous enough to let me stay with him for a few nights so I could really see the place for myself and see if my opinion changed. Now I'm actually okay with it.

What keeps me up at night is... what am I going to do if I don't get in? What if I don't get in anywhere else because they think I would choose this particular school over theirs? If I do get in, how quickly will I accept the offer considering that so many people want me to go to this program? I want to do things because I want to, not because everyone wants me to.

And... even though I have good support of the two professors there, circumstances forced me to change my application a bit so now my own professors and I don't really know what my chances are. I remember talking with this professor at this school a while ago and she asked if I was applying elsewhere. She wanted to be sure that I was applying to a range of schools besides her school because my field is so competitive. Sometimes I just want to tell her, "Look, I know all of your friends and they all told me that I have to work with you. If anything, you're the first choice of adviser according to them. Your name was always named first. So, please don't disappoint me or our friends. What are you going to say if I don't get in?"

I just want to send her an e-mail right now and tell her that I know X, Y, Z, A, B, and C and they all told me to work with her. I mean, I don't know if she even has any clue that I've been told over and over again to work with her.

Well, sorry for the ramble but I wonted to see if anyone was in a similar position and wondered about the outcomes.

[qbtacoma]

I can't address the fundamental problem you worry about, that of being rejected from everywhere else because this other school is so good for you AND being rejected by the perfect fit. That is rough, and I sympathize.

From what I understand, though, you thought this school was good for you in the first place as far back as three years ago. So the other folks are verifying your assessment of the field and your place in it. That's good! Their strong opinions about where you fit aren't replacing your own opinion on the matter, just confirming your good judgment. Yay!

I do hope that you get into this program, because I can definitely see why other schools would reject you preemptively. That would be so, so frustrating. I'm rooting for you!