mareserinitatis Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 Did anyone else have a major fit about turning down an offer? I got accepted to the other school I looked at but decided to turn them down. I feel awful even though I know it was the right decision. :cry: Anyone else feel this way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firecolon Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 I had this pain many times this year. Some schools were harder to turn down than others. It makes me feel even more awful when the school takes the news hard, or is a bad sport about it. I has a couple schools ask me to reconsider, one school try to increase their offer (not enough of an increase, by the way), another school or two were envious. One school tried to make me regret my decision by saying that they would have increased their offer (and I still would have turned them down). I am still waiting on three schools to make a decision, and APRIL 15 is TOMORROW. This whole process is a big pain in the ass, and for their sake they better make a decision by tomorrow. I am not going to give any extensions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rising_star Posted April 14, 2008 Share Posted April 14, 2008 yep, i'm having a hard time turning down offers but that's because i haven't made up my mind since everyone has been so wonderful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chchadder Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 It does suck to have to turn down offers, but at the same time it is nice to be wanted... I was (am still) wait listed by a few schools, some which were in close contact with me about my position as well as my interest. I received an early offer from one of my top schools that was also pretty much at the top end of the stipend spectrum as it is, though cost of living is much higher here in NYC than in other areas. Over the last few days one of my Texas schools began emailing me with the possibility of an offer that they just extended late last night. Turning them down wasn't easy, and I kept delaying hitting "send" on the email until I had rewritten the email at least ten times. Some were easier than others. The two that couldn't offer me their PhD program, but would love to have me pay them to do my Masters...didn't even respond to them. Well, maybe I'll send them a form email. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvalicious Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 I had a hard time turning down one school; there was really nothing wrong with the program, just went with my initial top-choice/good feeling, but I could have been happy at the other one. I also had a program try to make me feel bad/regret about my decision, which in its way proved to me that it would have been a poor choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mareserinitatis Posted April 15, 2008 Author Share Posted April 15, 2008 That's exactly the problem. Both programs were so awesome and everyone was so nice! What's worse is that when I declined the one program, both the grad director and professor sent me very nice emails wishing me luck. (If they're this nice to the people who turn them down, I wonder how they are to their acceptances!) Fortunately there were no guilt trips. I think if I hadn't already accepted, though, maybe they would have asked me to reconsider. It took me two days to send the email saying no thanks. Seriously got upset every time I tried to do it. But you're right, Chchadder...it's very nice to be wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 I completely understand how you feel. I just turned down a fully funded offer from Purdue for a much more expensive option. I had my finger suspended over the send button on the fax machine for about 5 minutes before I plucked up the courage to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaraAnn85 Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 I completely understand how you feel. I just turned down a fully funded offer from Purdue for a much more expensive option. I had my finger suspended over the send button on the fax machine for about 5 minutes before I plucked up the courage to do it. I did the same thing for Purdue last week and almost cried! I loved it too, but apparently I had to make a decision :cry: Oh well, no snow this way.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quarex Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 The day after mailing out a decline for my second-best offer, the graduate director told me that new funding came up and basically doubled my potential financial package. Thank goodness I had already mailed it out, or things would have gotten ugly. But yeah, even though I had ALREADY turned the offer down, it took me at least 10 minutes of staring at the e-mail, thinking about how upset the director would be (even though clearly he does not care at all, really) to hear my answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grifter Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 I just turned down Carnegie Mellon for a lesser program, mainly for monetary reasons (even though CMU was offering a full-tuition remission, but no TAship or stipend). The second I hit "send" I felt like I was making a huge mistake. My sincere condolences to all in the same situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InquiringMind Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 I had a really difficult time turning down one school. They offered a fellowship and my would-be adviser was very enthusiastic about working with me. It took me a couple of weeks to figure out how to say no. The worst part was waiting for their reply after I sent the email declining their offer. Fortunately, their replies were positive. It is a good feeling knowing that I am done with this whole process. I wasn't being very productive while making this decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erikw Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 It's a bitch to turn down offers that come loaded with money. My top choice is so much more expensive but hopefully now that they have a better idea of the composition of the class, hoepfully they'll be able to dig into their coffers for me! One of the schools just gave me another scholarship but sadly it is not to be... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leavinmyheartinsf Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 I burst into tears when I send on the email tellling my advisor at Penn State that I would not be coming. Turning down Notre Dame was just as hard, but I know that UNC is the right place for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4givn1 Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 I was really nervous about making my choice because I didn't have the time or money to go visit one of the schools that sent me an admissions offer. I would have had to pay over half my monthly salary to do so. Otherwise it was an easy choice. They were really gracious about it, though, and actually told me it was wise to choose the other school because they couldn't give anyone a full assistantship. Now I am very much at peace with my decision. I got waitlisted at a third school, and I'm really glad though I never got accepted off it. If they pulled an acceptance on me today or yesterday I would have had a nervous breakdown! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
studentfromLA Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 I turned down my first choice program today. It was hard. Granted, it was only my first choice at the beginning of the application process. It was the school I dreamed I would be admitted to, and the one I'd hope to go to, when I started applying to grad school. After I applied, however, my second choice accepted me early and with enthusiasm. I got a full tuition scholarship and a stipend. And, I'd already made the arrangements to visit second school and was practially on the plane when school #1 told me I was admitted. My visit to school no. 2 exceeded my expectations. School no. 1 never came through with funding, even after a visit. So I accepted school no. 2, pretty much without reservation, but telling school no. 1 was hard. The response from the dean of grad studies was something like, "We know you would have made a good addition to our program, but good luck at school no. 2 (even though we are better)." He even said that! I know I made the right choice, and that's what matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minnesotan Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 The response from the dean of grad studies was something like, "We know you would have made a good addition to our program, but good luck at school no. 2 (even though we are better)." He even said that! I hope he was just trying to lighten the mood. If not, that ha got to be among the most pompous things I've heard in the last couple weeks (which seems a very long time in academia, when marking the calendar by the amount of pompous things said). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sashababie Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 I feel for all of you who're having a hard time turning down offers - especially those writing to potential (and enthusiastic) advisors and department chairs. I had a really hard time forming the words of one of my letters, althought I had let the chair know 2 weeks earlier that I couldn't attend without some funding (PhD). He was very nice about it and congratulated me on the admission I accepted, so much so that I really do hope I get to meet him in the future! My boyfriend on the other hand went through a bad experience, a chair he interviewed with immediately wrote back after receiving his decision asking if they could do anything to change his mind, and the email looked as if he was really upset; it wasn't that the program was deficient in any way, my bf just felt he would do better at another program, so I could see how hard it was to reply to that urgent inquiry! But we all got to where we are, and after this mental strain we'll all be heading off to grad school, so good luck and chin up everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
studentfromLA Posted April 16, 2008 Share Posted April 16, 2008 Minnesotan, I hope he was kidding, too. He was on the younger side for a head of Grad. Studies, and I could see him joking about it. Still, it was like a two line email, and that was part of it, so kidding or not, it was on his mind, and he said it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyseacow Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Wow, I thought I was the only one, ridiculous as that sounds. Thanks to all posters and the OP--reading this was really therapeutic. I had to turn down many programs this past week, some of which I really took a personal liking to. The worst is when a lesser program is really nice to you and really rolls out the red carpet and gives you its best in the hope of attracting you... ARGH. It felt really bad saying no to some of them. And the moment you hit the "send" button on the almost-could-have-been's...that just breaks my heart. I turned down two full-scholarship schools. The questioning that comes after is hard to deal with...wow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artygrad Posted April 19, 2008 Share Posted April 19, 2008 Wow, studentfromLA, we are in exactly the same boat. I turned down my #1 choice (or what used to be my #1 choice) for a close second that offered me full funding and enthusiasm. I visited this program and liked them even more. School #1 offered me half the funding for the first year only and never even answered my decline email! I'm positive I made the right decision though I agonized about it for weeks. A lack of interest is so telling... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yakuza77 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 I had to turn down a Ph.D. fellowship at my current school for another offer at my dream school. It was tough, since the grad director (who I work for) and my major professor really pulled out all of the stops to get me that fellowship (it is rarely given to current students). In the end, I did what I had to do. Some of the people in my current department were actually mad at me and couldn't believe that I was passing up so much money (I was guaranteed 22K for five years; the offer that I took was 25k for the first year, but only at 12K assistantship for the remaining time). Needless to say, it was a very uncomfortable and awkward situation and it sucks because I still have to be here through the summer (not graduating until July). I wish that I could just leave now. I think that I feel extra bad because the whole time that my department was going through the fellowship nomination for me, I knew that there was no way that I would attend my current school, no matter how much money they gave me, if my #1 school accepted me with any reasonable offer of funding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts