How do you get to know people for LOR?

[noodles.galaznik]

So next year, I'll be taking classes at my top school as a non-degree seeking student in order to strengthen my background before I apply to schools in fall of 2012. The prof I want to work with has told me that I've got a really strong application already, and the only thing that could potentially hold me back is letters of recommendation. What is absolutely terrifying that those are pretty much out of my control.

I'm not a bad student. I work really hard, I'm intelligent (at least I would like to think so ) and I'm passionate and driven and I love anthropology-there's nothing else I could even imagine doing. The only problem is that I'm so damn shy and introverted it's crippling. I tend to be really weird and awkward, and I don't really know how to initiate friendships. That's the problem.

I'm graduating in May, and I haven't really given any of my professors here a chance to get to know me well enough to be able to write an outstanding and fabulous LOR. It feels weird to ask this...but how do you initiate and build strong relationships with professors so that they know you well enough as a student to write a great LOR? Since I'm going to be taking classes in the fall and volunteering doing some museum work, I feel like this is a second chance for me to get to know people and hopefully get over my weirdness.

Can anyone offer good advice about how to undertake this endeavor? If you're like me, I'd love to hear some insight!

[UnlikelyGrad]

I think a lot of us here are introverts too.

I think the thing to do is to go in to office hours with the idea that you are going to talk primarily about anthropology. Find some facet of the class that really gets you excited, then go and talk to the professor about it. Ask for suggestions on extra reading if you want to go in-depth or not.

After a couple of discussions like this the profs may start talking to you about personal stuff, if you're comfortable with it. If not--well, that's ok, at least they know how you think about anthropology!!

[noodles.galaznik]

I think a lot of us here are introverts too.

I think the thing to do is to go in to office hours with the idea that you are going to talk primarily about anthropology. Find some facet of the class that really gets you excited, then go and talk to the professor about it. Ask for suggestions on extra reading if you want to go in-depth or not.

After a couple of discussions like this the profs may start talking to you about personal stuff, if you're comfortable with it. If not--well, that's ok, at least they know how you think about anthropology!!

Awesome, thanks for the advice! That sounds like it would work really well. I think once I get over my initial awkward stages, it'll be ok.

[joan_was_quizzical]

I don't know how it is in anthropology, but my experiences in academia in general tell me that many professors are themselves pretty socially disfunctional people. Embrace the awkward! There's lots more to come.

[newms]

I just want to second and third the responses that a lot of us (including myself, and surely including many profs) are socially awkward.

To answer your question, one way to get good LoRs is to look out for undergraduate research opportunities. I'm not sure how much research opportunities there are in your field at your school for undergraduates, but in some fields particularly STEM fields, profs are usually on the lookout for undergraduates to help out in their research projects. Volunteering to do even 'grunt work' such as data entry is a good way to build a relationship with a prof so that you can get a good LoR. Perhaps you can look on your profs' websites to see if they have any needs for undergraduate assistants?

[nhyn]

Um, that's weird, cos all of my profs have been very socially functional. They're all very nice and friendly, though some certainly have quirks of their own, just like any other human being. I really dislike the stereotype that academia is full of awkward people - maybe because you come in expecting them to be awkward, you start to see only the awkward things.

Anyway, sorry, that was off topic. I got to know one of my LORs through...getting him to be my advisor Do you have an advisor? Even though you said you didn't get to know them well, did you at least interact with your advisor and take his/her classes? My advisor was (and still is - I'm not an undergrad anymore) my favorite professor, so I took all of his classes, and signed up to be his advisee. Naturally, we interacted a lot (not much during the first year or so, and I was abroad for a year, but the last year, I did a senior thesis with him and took another of his class, and we really hit it off). So maybe when you take classes at that school next year, try to find a professor you really admire, and...pursue him/her! Ask him/her if you can do an independent project with him/her, or if there's an assignment in that class, go the extra mile, make it really extensive so you have a chance to talk to him/her about it. The senior thesis was really how I bonded with my advisor (it was a topic he was also extremely interested in). I actually didn't talk to my advisor that much about the class (I'm not that smart or good at generating questions, sadly ) but I did seek his help re: lab work where necessary (I worked REALLY hard in that class, and I only sought his help when absolutely stuck - this I think also helps students show their drives, another thing you can do). If you're shy, try to pick a prof that seems approachable, someone you can be comfortable enough to talk to after class about questions or for help with class work. I am shy, too, on top of being not so quick-witted, so I always had to find profs after class (as opposed to speaking up in class) to ask questions or speak my thoughts, and I found it much, much easier to do with profs who I didn't find intimidating.

Also, remember that you don't have to be BFFs with ALL of the LOR writers. One of my other LOR writer was my boss for 3 months, he wasn't around the whole time I was there but I did make an effort to talk to him and show him my work. The other LOR writer was a prof whose lab I worked in for 1 year. We weren't BFFs (in a sense that we didn't talk about our personal lives as much as I did with my advisor) but I asked for her help in writing CVs, looking for jobs, academia stuff, etc., so we are "professional friends" or "friendly colleagues/student-teacher". If you can find someone like that, you're all set (they can vouch for your professional side).

Edited March 9, 2011 by nhyn

[Blackhawks10]

For my LORs, two came from professors I had several classes with and one came from a professor I completed a research project with. So my suggestions (along with what others have said) is to #1 try to find a project that you can work on with a professor. This will be a great opportunity to get to know them better and also to see how you work and your strengths.

#2 is to try and take multiple classes with the same professor if possible. If they see your face often and see your work in several classes this will give them good material with which to write your letters. And although you may be shy, try to speak up in their classes every once in a while. Also, if your department hosts guest speakers or presentations, try to attend some of those. Say hello if you see your professors in the hallway. Just try to be seen as much as possible. Profs will recognize you quickly if they see you around a lot. Once you feel comfortable, maybe stop by their office hours and tell them of your plans to attend grad school. This helps because they might have some good advice for you and also it gets the idea in their head that you might need a LOR. Then near the end of the semester, ask them about writing a LOR. I know it may be a little awkward, but all the professors I asked were very happy to help, and I'm sure most professors would be.

And remember, when speaking to profs you at least have one thing in common, anthropology! So don't be afraid to use that as an icebreaker.

Good luck to you!

[noodles.galaznik]

Thanks for the advice everyone! And to answer a few questions:

I do have an advisor, and I've been working with him for 2 years now. I just finished a senior honors thesis with him and I worked in his lab for the past year, so that's one LOR! But that still leaves two more to obtain.

As far as taking classes in the fall goes, I'm not actually taking any through the anthropology department. My interest is in molecular anthropology, so I'm taking some courses through the biology department and a few graduate seminars through the ecology and evolutionary biology department. So, I might be doing some independent research with my POI in the fall, but I won't be taking any classes with her. One of the the courses is covering origins of genomes, so I thought about getting in touch with him prior to get some guidance on how I could brush up on my genetics a bit before hand since I totally don't want to make a fool of myself. Would that be weird?