Need help critiquing my essay

[khushi.ban]

Anyone know of any site where admissions essay critiquing costs less that $150/essay? I need my SOP critiqued but most people I've approached don't give me any insightful advice. They either say it's "nice" or "sounds good" or something equally vague. I don't really know who else to ask. My professors are not into helping with this sort of thing.

[Minnesotan]

Why not post it here? If you ask nicely, I'm sure people will provide constructive criticism.

*Edit: I almost forgot to add -- it's time to find new advisors, if they're "not into" helping you get into grad school!

[unknownscholar]

maybe it's just me, but I'd be wary about posting your personal statement. Then again, I'd be wary about allowing someone to critique it online in general, just because if it's a really good one, someone may steal it. And in worse case scenario, it will be sent to the same school to which you are applying. It's probably just a little paranoia, but I wouldn't do it. I'd have a friend look over it, preferably a friend who either majored in English or is well respected for their writing.

Everything is so much more competitive at the graduate level...you have to fight for your niche in the world. And as much as I hate to admit it, we all have to play that game, at least until we get where we're going.

If you don't have anyone else to read everything word for word, maybe you could share with us your flowchart or organization of your statement, giving us the topic of each paragraph's discussion. Better organization alone transformed my personal statement into something I hardly even believe I wrote.

[anese]

unknown, i have the same feelings about posting this sort of thing on line.

I'm guessing the OP already went the "ask Professor for input" route...I had to ask two, the first was vague and not very helpful, the second completely tore down my essay and made me rewrite several times from the ground up. So asking multiple professors in your field or even outside your field of interest, might be of great use to you if you have not already!

[khushi.ban]

Thanks guys. I am a bit wary of posting it on websites. I am currently in a Masters program in Cell and Molecular Biology and want to do a PhD in the same. Because most people in the sciences go into PhD programs directly after a BS and end up hating scientific research, which is a common problem science grad programs face, my essay explores my journey from the undergrad life to the graduate student life. I discuss my slightly bumpy shift of focus from classes to research, my Masters thesis research, the skills and personality traits that have prepared me for advanced studies. I go on to discuss how I am applying with complete knowledge of what graduate student life in the sciences is like. I conclude with a paragraph that explores the evolution of my general interest in molecular research into a sepcific topic that I want to look into, how that interest developed and how the department I am applying to will help me achieve what I want (with specific references to the professor I want to work with and have been in contact with for some time).

I have a plethora of very rich expeiences from my life prior to my Masters but this degree has taken over my life in the last two years and therefore, I have not gone into any of that. But I'm open to suggestions!

Unfortunately, my professor is hoping that I decide to stay on and do my PhD in his lab but will not hold it against me if I choose to leave. So he is not the best person to ask for help. (Plus the only thing he ever reads is stuff related to his research). And the advising at my department is bad bordering on nonexistent.

[engguy]

the best help that i got was from people who had already successfully applied to phd programs -- recently, and preferably to the same programs i wanted to get into. if you can't find those then surely you can cozy up to someone in your current school who's already in the phd -- and who likely got in other places as well -- and have this person go over it with you.

i wouldn't post it here, not so much out of fear someone would steal it -- although there is that too -- but because you'd get so many different opinions on what you should or shouldn't do that it would ultimately be quite useless. everyone has a story of what worked for them, but you need to find what works for you; that may involve lots of personal history or an emphasis on wonky details. unless there are glaring mistakes i don't see how anyone here can help you.

that said, from what you describe i think there IS one glaring mistake in your current SOP -- you don't seem to get into what you actually want to study until the very end of it. i think the specific topic should go right up top, and you can revisit it at the end. phd programs are not like applying to undergrad or even masters programs where you sort of sell yourself as a person; they want to know how you'll fit into a cohort and what resources you'll make use of there.

but that's just my opinion as a dumb english major.