Asking for more funding...

[theatrehippie]

My current top choice has not yet released scholarship information, or any information except for loans. I know they are currently making those decisions, and wanted to send an email to the program letting them know about my other offers, so that maybe they might be swayed to increase my funding/fund me at all. Is this an okay email to send?

Dear Head of Program,

I am writing to see if there has been any development regarding the decisions for financial aid and scholarships for the coming year. I am very excited by the prospect of attending Amazing University, but somewhat daunted by the cost at the moment. I have been offered scholarships of as much as $11,000 per semester from other institutions, but of course would prefer to undertake my studies at Amazing University. I appreciate being considered for whatever scholarships or departmental assistantships are available, of course. Thank you so much for your time and consideration, and I really do look forward to working with you in the fall!

Sincerely,

theatrehippie

Should I name the specific programs that have offered me funding? Is there a better way to word this? Thank you for your help in advance!

[theatrehippie]

Well, apparently it was, because she responded with a scholarship offer and a promise to look for more funds! Doesn't quite match the other school, but it is enough to make me feel a lot better.