Roomate Tips

[ZeeMore21]

Hi,

I will be starting a PhD in English this fall and decided to share a condo with another PhD at the same school but different department. I made this decision based on housing prices basically....even though I wanted to live alone, the rent for one bedrooms close to campus (because I am not sure I will have a car yet) was really expensive so I figured it would be smart to share a two bedroom close to campus, and use my remaining money for other important or interesting things. I have talked to my future roommate via videocam on Skype several times as well as email, and she is very nice and easy-going. Yet I think I am a little anxious about how to make sure the roommate experience goes smoothly...especially since we signed a 2 year contract with the landlord.

I have had roommates in the past, and for the most part, I've had good experiences, but this past year I chose to live alone for the first time, so I am a little worried that it might take some time to get back into having a roommate having really enjoyed having my own space. Also, I am wondering what advice might be helpful in living with another PhD student since I am sure there will be times when both of us will be stressed about work. But in general, I would like any advice people have on making this roommate situation a great and enjoyable experience. I know I definitely will not be perfect all the time, but if I have some general rules to live by, I think I could do my best to be respectful and courteous to my roommate, and she would do the same in return.

Edited June 2, 2011 by ZeeMore21

[far_to_go]

I've been living with a PhD student in another dept for the past year, and it's worked out really well; it's been nice to have somebody to talk to who understands the pressures of graduate school, but can give me a perspective from beyond my own dept. I've lived with several other roomies during my MA, too, so the following tips are accumulated from all those living situations.

A few tips:

- Communication is really key. You have to be able to talk to each other about your expectations and needs regarding cleanliness, quiet hours, having guests over, sharing bills, and all those other mechanics of roommate life. Of course, if you only talk about "roommate business" stuff, then it can feel like nothing but a business relationship. Which leads me to my next point:

- Try to have fun together once in a while. Grad school is stressful, so it's great to be able to have a little "escape" in your home. Have a house movie night, go exercise, play a board game, or just sit and chat.

- Figure out what the food-sharing/cooking arrangements will be. My roomie and I buy most of our food separately, but share some staples (rice, flour, milk, etc). We each have our own shelf space in the fridge and cabinets, and there's designated 'shared' space as well. We cook together around once a week. It's a fun way to hang out and avoid the temptation to just grab takeout.

- Get a big whiteboard and put it in a highly visible location. We use this to communicate all sorts of info, since we may not see each other every day.

- If you're having friends over, it's good to check with your roomie(s) in advance, especially if you're having more than just one or two people over. Invite your roomie to join in the fun- it's a nice way to integrate your social life - but be respectful if he/she needs to work or do other things during that time.

- Make sure you have each other's emergency contact info. Just in case.

- Do your best to make the common areas of the house an enjoyable, comfortable place to be. In my current house, my roommate and I spent most of our time in our rooms during the first semester; during the second semester, we rearranged our living room furniture to make it better for hanging out and studying, and now we use that space much more. It's really nice.

- Make sure you are on the same page as far as cleaning goes. For some people, this means having a chore chart and sticking to it regularly. For others, it's a more flexible, clean-as-you-go sort of arrangement. Figure out what works for you and your roommate and go with it. Remember, you'll both have a much better time if you're not frustrated with each other for leaving dishes in the sink for days, etc.

- Don't depend on your roommate to be your whole social life. Having a social life in grad school is difficult but really important for your well-being. Although you and your roommate will hopefully become good friends, it's not fair to expect that person to be your *only* grad school friend. Broaden your circles a bit.

Good luck!

[ZeeMore21]

Thanks for such a thorough and lovely post!!! I will definitely make sure to keep this post in mind, maybe even print it out lol.

I've been living with a PhD student in another dept for the past year, and it's worked out really well; it's been nice to have somebody to talk to who understands the pressures of graduate school, but can give me a perspective from beyond my own dept. I've lived with several other roomies during my MA, too, so the following tips are accumulated from all those living situations.

A few tips:

- Communication is really key. You have to be able to talk to each other about your expectations and needs regarding cleanliness, quiet hours, having guests over, sharing bills, and all those other mechanics of roommate life. Of course, if you only talk about "roommate business" stuff, then it can feel like nothing but a business relationship. Which leads me to my next point:

- Try to have fun together once in a while. Grad school is stressful, so it's great to be able to have a little "escape" in your home. Have a house movie night, go exercise, play a board game, or just sit and chat.

- Figure out what the food-sharing/cooking arrangements will be. My roomie and I buy most of our food separately, but share some staples (rice, flour, milk, etc). We each have our own shelf space in the fridge and cabinets, and there's designated 'shared' space as well. We cook together around once a week. It's a fun way to hang out and avoid the temptation to just grab takeout.

- Get a big whiteboard and put it in a highly visible location. We use this to communicate all sorts of info, since we may not see each other every day.

- If you're having friends over, it's good to check with your roomie(s) in advance, especially if you're having more than just one or two people over. Invite your roomie to join in the fun- it's a nice way to integrate your social life - but be respectful if he/she needs to work or do other things during that time.

- Make sure you have each other's emergency contact info. Just in case.

- Do your best to make the common areas of the house an enjoyable, comfortable place to be. In my current house, my roommate and I spent most of our time in our rooms during the first semester; during the second semester, we rearranged our living room furniture to make it better for hanging out and studying, and now we use that space much more. It's really nice.

- Make sure you are on the same page as far as cleaning goes. For some people, this means having a chore chart and sticking to it regularly. For others, it's a more flexible, clean-as-you-go sort of arrangement. Figure out what works for you and your roommate and go with it. Remember, you'll both have a much better time if you're not frustrated with each other for leaving dishes in the sink for days, etc.

- Don't depend on your roommate to be your whole social life. Having a social life in grad school is difficult but really important for your well-being. Although you and your roommate will hopefully become good friends, it's not fair to expect that person to be your *only* grad school friend. Broaden your circles a bit.

Good luck!

[far_to_go]

You're welcome! I hope things work out well with your new roommate :-)