SOP Critique

[Missind33]

Hello,

I am looking for constructive criticism on how I can improve my essay. I have had several drafts in the past, but after meeting up with one of my references and showing her my essay I had to completely revamp it. She commented I should talk more about my accomplishments.

This has to be at maximum two pages long, and I am applying to masters programs in speech language pathology. My grammar is not the best, and I really do not have to many people who can assist me with editing my essay. I appreciate any advice, and critique. I hope that it will not be too harsh, previously when I submitted my essay online for others to review, I had received such harsh criticisms that I actually cried. So hopefully that wont happen this time!

Also, I did not mean to post this twice. I had a weird computer error. As I was typing I pressed the enter key to start a new paragraph and accidentally it posted the thread...twice...

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I can vividly remember the speech therapy I received as a child. I can remember my difficulty in pronouncing difficult sounds like s, th, and z. The therapy sessions involved games focusing on pronouncing the speech sounds that were difficult for me, oral reading activities, as well as prizes for meeting my speech goals. My fond memories of my own speech therapy are one of the reasons why I want to be a speech-language pathologist. My own experiences with speech therapy and my fond memories of the therapy sessions has shown me that the field has an ability to radically change lives. The opportunity to return the favor to children of future generations is my goal.

When I first became interested in the field of serving children as a speech-language pathologist, I was motivated to overcome my inexperience in working with young children. I can remember my first day volunteering with the typical developing preschool children, I was more scared of them than they were of me! After several weeks of volunteering, the children were fighting over for my attention! Through that experience I was able to become more comfortable and more effective at interacting with children. Through this volunteering experience I was able to apply what I had learned in the classroom, and I believe I will also be able to apply these lessons learned from volunteering to my graduate studies and the field.

In addition, I was able to learn valuable skills through the application of research. I worked with Dr.XXX and Dr.XXX on a Systematic Review and Meta Analysis on how language disorders are defined and diagnosed. I was also able to assist several PHD students in both the Education department and the Communication Science and Disorders department. I aided by transcribing video segments, forming codebooks, scoring tests, and serving as reliability in the student’s dissertations. Through the Systematic Review and Meta Analysis, I acquired basic essential skills and knowledge in research. These research experiences further piqued my interest in improving services provided to children. I know XXX has research at the graduate level and I plan on being actively involved.

I am attracted to XXX's graduate program in Communication Science and Disorders due the ranging experiences I can gain from working with a variety of children with various communication problems. These experiences will further enhance the quality of services I will provide to children. I once observed at the clinic and as I watched other students work, I could just imagine myself one day being on the other side of the glass, implementing various therapy techniques to help clients meet their goals. I will be also be completing my graduate studies a year early. These credentials demonstrate that I am a hardworking, proactive student who will be successful in your program. I appreciate considerations on my application and I look forward to challenges in my academic and career path. I would love to continue my education at XXX and remain a Knight (fyi this is the schools mascot)!

Edited November 8, 2011 by Missind33