Research leader disappointed with me

[profoundquiet]

I'm a masters student working on a project under a PhD student.

I'm concerned because it seems like she (the PhD student) gets frustrated with me very often and I don't know why. The project we're working on is running into a lot of problems. When I ask her opinion about it, she gets visibly annoyed or upset, and tells me to proceed with the experiments as planned.

I'm not sure what to do, both in terms of the experiment and my relationship with her. Does she think I'm incompetent? Or is she actually upset that the project isn't going as smoothly as planned? Or maybe a bit of both? I should assume that she's frustrated about the research, but I can't help but feel like it's my fault. All I know is that every time she gets upset at me, I lose motivation and just want to quit the lab altogether sometimes.

There's an undergrad working with us and it seems like she doesn't get irritated with the undergrad. Maybe it's because the undergrad is also a girl or maybe because the undergrad doesn't think much of it.

I know this whole ordeal may sound juvenile, but any help would be appreciated.

[Sigaba]

profoundquiet--

MOO, the quickest way to go is to break bread with her and have a conversation in which you synchronize your respect views of the project, the work flow, and how the team should operate. At all times, you should defer, defer, and defer some more. That is, throw in your two cents when asked but once she makes a decision, focus all of your effort to supporting that decision in ways that are consistent with her vision. Remember, it is her project. It is her ass on the line.

Meanwhile, take a second and third look at how your views towards women may be shaping the dynamic. Men and women are acculturated differently. What may be harmless trash talking between a couple of guys might be inappropriate discussion in mixed company. (And dynamic cuts both ways--without meaning to, women can say things that are devastating.) The key is figuring out in good faith what works, what doesn't, and then going from there.

(Oh, please oh please oh please let this project have something to do with reversing hair loss. Wait, did that sound bitter?)