Soliciting advice and critique on my SOP (in ed). Please help!

[ttw]

Hi, I'm an international student applying for Master's in Language and Literacy straight out of undergrad. It took me forever to come up with this, but I just felt like there was something missing. this is probably another crappy SOP, but I would appreciate it if you could give me any advice on how to improve this.........brutal honesty would be very much appreciated.

My experience as a private English tutor for Korean students studying abroad and at international schools attracted me to the study of education, especially on the role of language and reading education in learning. I am looking for a Master’s Program where I can build a strong theoretical and research foundation in education and acquire a better understanding in the area of language education and its effects on students’ learning experience in a broader content area. I hope to graduate education

Since the time I quit school after my first year in elementary school I was my own teacher, not only because my parents left it in my hands to set up my own learning goals and pursue them, but also because I read. Reading was at the center of my education: my first encounter with philosophy was when I sneaked out The Solitaire Mystery by Jostein Gaarder from my older sisters’ bookshelf; I learned the basic concepts of economics from the newspaper that I used to flip through idly just to imitate my father.

Being home schooled also gave me the freedom to engage in a variety of community services. As a part of my “high school curriculum,” I volunteered as an assistant to a teacher at ## School for three years. I was assigned to a 7^th grade class for students with developmental disabilities, where one of my weekly tasks was to help students with mild disabilities learn to read. Working closely with the teacher, I came to learn that there were hardly any adequate guidelines for teaching language arts to students with disabilities. Working at an ill-funded special education school that relied heavily on volunteers, I came to see the inequity created in the educational system and the need for educational policies that reflected the realities in the classroom.

My summer jobs as a private English tutor also exposed me to children from diverse backgrounds. It was an enlightening experience to work with students who were actively using both English and Korean languages but were struggling with both. Many of my students were enrolled at schools that used English as the language of instruction, but their level of vocabulary and reading comprehension fell far below what their curriculum called for. While helping them expand their vocabulary knowledge, I learned that they had relatively low proficiency in Korean as well, which seemed to contribute to their difficulty in second language acquisition for the lack of vocabulary knowledge in the native language that they could refer back to.

This observation led me to see the problem of first and second language proficiency in a broader social context: Korea is becoming an increasingly multicultural society with rapidly growing number of immigrants and international marriages, as well as a large number of primary and secondary students who study abroad. With such a diverse student community, more and more students face challenges in acquiring proficiency in native as well as secondary language. I believe that the simplistic approach to language arts as any other subject matter not only limits students from acquiring higher levels of the language but also fails to provide a firm foundation on which students can build their knowledge of content area. This motivated me to pursue studies in education with focus on language and literacy, to ensure that students fully benefit from their education with strong foundation in language.

My undergraduate studies at *my school* were an eye-opening experience, especially in that it offered opportunities to learn with peers and to experience learning in an institutional setting. My academic career was not without challenges: I struggled with time management and having to work in a student-instructor dynamics that was completely new to me, but it ultimately taught me to work under pressure and value shared learning experiences, helping me build a foundation for further academic career. My major studies in English helped develop keen understanding of English language and the social and cultural implications of language and reading. Especially courses in literature and cultural theories (Contemporary Literature Theory; Latin American Cultural Studies) and the literature in political context (Poetry and Protest) helped me see the importance of language and literacy in an individual’s life as well as in the academic context. Studies in Economics allowed me to acquire basic research tools and analytic skills to be aware of wider economic and social implications of public policies.

*During spring semester of 2011, I spent most of my days at the library at *gradschool* while I was enrolled at the *university where the grad program is* as a visiting student. Seeing graduate students working in groups gave me a taste of what it would be like to be part of the community at *gradschool*, collaborating with peers and growing as an individual as well as an educator. I decided to apply to *gradschool* for its commitment to social justice and quality education for students from diverse backgrounds. I believe that the faculty’s expertise in bilingual education and literacy as well as the interdisciplinary nature of the program will be a great advantage to my interest of study. *

After my studies at *gradschool* with focus on language proficiency and its effect on monolingual as well as bilingual students’ learning, I hope to build more experience in curriculum development in the “globalizing” schools in and out of the United States to enrich the learning experience for students.

[ttw]

Ugh. Please disregard the last sentence in the first paragraph. This obviously needs more work... Thanks!

[especially]

Hello: first, good to see another Gaarder fan!

Some general comments: Is this meant to be more a statement of research interests or more personal? As a 'personal statement' it seems to be on the right track, but if the school is asking just for an SOP in general I would take out some of the personal anecdotes (taking from your sister's bookshelf, imitating your father, etc). Also, do you have length considerations to take into account? On the whole, your sentences are long and you do a lot of 'telling' rather than showing. I would also suggest gesturing towards certain schools of thought, authors/academics, etc, as this is rather general.

Some technicalities/suggestions:

"in a broader content area " is unclear

"sneaked out" sneakily removed

My summer jobs as a private English tutor also exposed me to children from diverse backgrounds. It was an enlightening experience to work with students who were actively using both English and Korean languages but were struggling with both.

While helping them expand their vocabulary knowledge, Many students' English vocabulary difficulties seemed to stem from a lack of vocabulary in their native Korean. I learned that they had relatively low proficiency in Korean as well, which seemed to contribute to their difficulty in second language acquisition for the lack of vocabulary knowledge in the native language that they could refer back to.

This observation led me to see the problem of first and second language proficiency in a broader social context:

I believe that the simplistic approach to language arts as any other subject matter not only limits students from improving their language skills acquiring higher levels of the language but also fails to provide a firm foundation for other studies on which students can build their knowledge of content area.

My academic career was not without challenges: I struggled with time management and having to work in a student-instructor dynamics that was completely new to me, but it ultimately taught me to work under pressure and value shared learning experiences, helping me build a foundation for further academic career.

My major studies in English helped develop gave me a keen understanding of English language and the social and cultural implications of language and reading. Especially In particular, courses in literature and cultural theories (Contemporary Literature Theory; Latin American Cultural Studies) and the literature in political context (Poetry and Protest) helped me see the importance of language and literacy on an individual as well as societal scale in an individual’s life as well as in the academic context. Studyingies in Economics, I allowed me to acquired basic research tools,analytic skills, and an awareness to be aware of wider economic and the social implications of public policies.

*During spring semester of 2011, While enrolled at *university* as a visiting student I spent most of my days at the library at *gradschool* while I was enrolled at the *university where the grad program is* as a visiting student. , Seeing graduate students working in groups This gave me a taste of what it would be like to be part of the community at *gradschool*, which emphasizes collaborationng with peers and growing as an individual as well as an educator. I decided to apply to *Gradschool* stands out due to its commitment to social justice and quality education for students from diverse backgrounds. As well, I believe that the faculty’s expertise in bilingual education and literacy as well as and the interdisciplinary nature of the program will be a great advantage to my interest of study future research *

[PhDreams]

Especially gave really good feedback! I also agree that your childhood story takes away from your SOP. It doesn't add value. It sounds like you have a lot of unique experiences to work with, just make sure you showcase them in a way that specifically relates to the program to which you are applying. Show them how YOU are a great fit! Good luck!

[ttw]

Thank you especially for such a helpful feedback! Love Gaarder-- pretty much my favorite author ever.

FutureEdStudent, thanks for your comment, too. Are you applying this winter too, or have you already finished?

Hopefully I'll be able to make some significant improvement in three weeks... thanks again everyone!