Recommender issue

[Hillary79]

I'm having a bit of an issue. I asked a professor for a LoR that recently told me she thinks I should hold off on applying to grad school because I don't seem to know what it involves (apparently I don't know what I'm doing about licensing...admittedly I don't know much about masters level clinical psych licensing but I'm mainly looking at doctorate programs with masters backing me up just in case).

I kind of don't feel comfortable with her writing me a letter now. I'm afraid that once I tell her that I will continue to apply and that I understand her concerns but I've done my research, she'll not be able to provide me with a strong letter based on her thoughts. I do know she has my best interests at heart but I really feel like I want to go forward with my decision.

What do you think? Should I withdraw the request for a letter, offer to let her make that decision, or just hope for the best?

[gellert]

I think you should bring up your concerns with her about this. Tell her precisely why you're worried, and say that you are continuing to look into the licensing issue (while explaining why you don't feel it's presently relevant to your case) but that right now you do still intend to apply, and given this does she feel she can still comfortably write you a strong LoR? Give her an out, say it's all right if she can't, that you understand and can ask someone else, but that you wanted to check in with her.

[Hillary79]

There's a professor who stepped up to write a letter to two schools that the prof in question wasn't able to do (she had a six week turn around and the apps were due three weeks from me asking...not smart on my end). I've written to her for advice since I get along well with her. Originally I wanted to ask her to do them all but she's not in my department. I kind of regret that decision since I know she's always going to come through for me. Now I just feel guilty about getting her involved, possibly having to withdraw my request from the other one...god, this is a mess. I should just fall onto plan B and run away to Africa or something.

[gellert]

Don't feel guilty, really, don't. It's not a big deal. And it seems really stressful now but things'll work out. In a few months this whole debacle will feel like nothing when you've got your acceptance letters rolling in.

[Sigaba]

I have profound doubts about professors and graduate students who appoint themselves gate keepers under the notion of an applicant's best interests.

My $0.02.

[felicidad]

I agree with Gellert about this. If she was honest enough to tell you that she didn't think you were ready for graduate school, she will be honest enough to tell you whether or not she is willing to write you a strong applicant. So you could ask her.

On the other hand, writing a recommendation means staking your reputation on someone else's potential. Therefore if she really does think you're not ready for graduate school, and she's willing to write you a strong recommendation, I would question her judgment.

In any case, the reason why I posted was to tell you not to be afraid to ask that other recommender to come through. Since she is not in your department, she will understand (and agree) that your ideal recommenders would have been from your department. Explain to her that you would like to request her recommendation for these other schools after all, and if she asks why, be honest.

Don't feel guilty about withdrawing your request from the other professor. Surely she would understand if you were concerned about such a lukewarm response.