Emotions Regarding Acceptance

[sociologyplease]

I can finally post in here. It's a really good feeling.

Me too!

[ThisSlumgullionIsSoVapid]

ND? Wherever it is, congrats!

yup. and thank you!!

[allhandsonthebadone]

So happy for you slumgullion! I know how torturous this process has been for you.

DId you get in somehwere sociologyplease as well?

Perhaps there still is hope.

[Chuck]

Caution- this post intended for those who are admitted and now facing the anxieties of acceptance.

I haven't been posting for awhile. I think a lot of my reticence has to do with being a bit self-conscious about the success I have had in this process.

These boards are full of people in all stages of acceptance/rejection/searching/finding/questioning/trying again. I know what it feels like to fail at something you really believe you want, and I've tried to offer encouragement to those whose expectations have not been met this time around.

I am extremely grateful for the options that lie before me. But now, paradoxically, I'm facing a whole new set of problems related to "emotions regarding acceptance." It's actually causing a great deal of anxiety.

1 - A lot of applicants talk about taking another year to improve their applications and try again (usually by retaking the GRE, working in a research lab, trying to publish an article, etc). I think it would really take a lot for any of these strategies to succeed in turning even the brightest "typical" student into some of the prospective & current students I've been meeting on visits. The cohorts I have met have been full of truly truly talented people. Without getting too specific- we're talking folks who have done things along the lines of rowing alone across oceans, winning olympic medals, earning multiple advanced degrees, litigating famous cases, published book-length research manuscripts, managing national parks, leading major labor organizations. These are people who are not simply exceptionally bright. They have blazed trails in life, they could succeed in multiple careers and multiple fields. They don't really "need" sociology. ... and for the most part these folks are truly very charming, lovely, normal people. I am blown away and humbled by these people. The prospect of going to school with any of them this fall is both exciting and terrifying.

2 - I think of all the mentors who have helped me along the way in this process. I know they must have detailed some extremely high expectations for me in their reference letters (otherwise, I would certainly not have been admitted to the programs I am now considering). It pains me to know that those who know me have placed me in such high esteem, how am I ever going to live up to their expectations? A terrible fear of failure is starting to gnaw at my psyche.

3 - How on earth am I going to buckle down and be a student again? I cherish my 9-5 job, my weekends, my real person salary, my adult friends who are getting married, having kids, and already advancing far in non-academic careers. My peer group is buying houses, owning real cars, paying off student loans. I know without doubt that I was meant to be an academic, but will I really be able to spend weekends in the library, reading journal articles and writing reading summaries on Marx and Weber? How will I come home only to have to focus on a stack of reading instead of zonking out to insipid TV? Will it feel too much like being a 20 year old college student? Will I explode with frustration at having to call myself a student again? Will professors treat me like the adult that I am?

4 - And, sweet Jesus, assuming that I do survive the next 6-9 years of PhD life, it will only be to face yet another wall of new uncertainties and anxieties. I'll be a middle-aged dude plying the dreary depths of the shaky academic job market, lucky to land a post-doc position paying $40K a year (which, even by that time, will represent my maximum annual income ever).

Sigh. Anyone else having similar 'emotions regarding acceptance'?

[sociologyplease]

DId you get in somehwere sociologyplease as well?

Perhaps there still is hope.

Yep, I got into UConn. And just as I was resigning myself to another masters program to make myself more competitive. I have an extremely limited sociology background (cross-listed courses and publications only), so there is still hope for you for sure!

[jenjenjen]

2 - I think of all the mentors who have helped me along the way in this process. I know they must have detailed some extremely high expectations for me in their reference letters (otherwise, I would certainly not have been admitted to the programs I am now considering). It pains me to know that those who know me have placed me in such high esteem, how am I ever going to live up to their expectations? A terrible fear of failure is starting to gnaw at my psyche.

Sigh. Anyone else having similar 'emotions regarding acceptance'?

THIS ONE. But then I also feel like it's a mistaken thing to be so anxious about, and it's hard for me to even talk about without sounding like I'm doing that self-deprecating bragging thing: "God it's so tough that people love me so much." I know two (but especially one) of my letter writers think the world of me and believe that the greatest schools around should be fighting over me, and probably said as much in their letters. Butttt a part of me just sort of feels like I charmed them into giving me more opportunities than most people, and tricked them into thinking I am smarter than I really am. And then I assume I won't actually be able to cut it in a phd program and I will simultaneously make myself and my mentors look like idiots.

Not that they probably actually *care* that much - even though they each wanted me to go into academia (in their respective, different fields) if I joined the peace corps or even just backpacked around the world for a few years my mentors would likely be supportive of whatever made me happy. So I'm probably stressing about nothing on that front. I can't decide if it's worth to have people expect you to accomplish a ton or don't expect you to accomplish anything. Same thing for self expectations. Ughhh.

[ohhello]

I've never been far away from my family, and the thought of spending 7-9 years away on a different coast is keeping me awake at night and starting to make me rethink my options.

[lovenhaight]

I'm excited, but a bit scared. 24 hours ago my concern was whether or not I'd get in anywhere, and now my concern is navigating the job market and my husband being able to find something that he enjoys doing while I'm continuing my education. To this point, we've both been students for quite a while...it will be very different when I'm the only one in school.

[sciencegirl]

I never really get sick - maybe its a combination of always getting flu shots and taking good care of my body, then over the last 2 weeks, *after* getting into programs, my body just broke down and I was sick for over a week... this never happens to me. I realized that its probably from internalizing a combination of @chuck's #1-4. I'm honestly a bit terrified. Just hope that I succeed in grad school... that I don't let anyone down... also, which program is best for me (while also taking into account #1-4).. glad other people are feeling similar anxieties..

[socscholar]

I am so so fortunate to have a few good options to choose from. So I'm mostly confused and overwhelmed. How do I make the right choice? Am I even considering the right factors? How do I make judgements on the shape of my academic career at such an early stage? I have to make some tough calls about which methodological training is most important to me and which scholars I want to align myself with.

Honestly, I wasn't expecting this (delightful) problem. I thought I'd only get in to 1 or 2 places and would just choose the best one. So basically, I am grateful, to the point of reconsidering my lack of religious beliefs bc I don't know who to thank, but EXTREMELY overwhelmed.

[penpen]

Does anyone know if deferring enrollment by one year is possible in any schools? I am an international student and would just feel more comfortable saving up some money from my job right now and then going back to school (I also need to show funds for a year's worth of fees for immigration/visa purposes). Any thoughts?

[ThisSlumgullionIsSoVapid]

Does anyone know if deferring enrollment by one year is possible in any schools? I am an international student and would just feel more comfortable saving up some money from my job right now and then going back to school (I also need to show funds for a year's worth of fees for immigration/visa purposes). Any thoughts?

It is possible (in that I have heard of it being done) but I'm sure it largely depends on what school it is.

[Sociograd]

Caution- this post intended for those who are admitted and now facing the anxieties of acceptance.

I haven't been posting for awhile. I think a lot of my reticence has to do with being a bit self-conscious about the success I have had in this process.

These boards are full of people in all stages of acceptance/rejection/searching/finding/questioning/trying again. I know what it feels like to fail at something you really believe you want, and I've tried to offer encouragement to those whose expectations have not been met this time around.

I am extremely grateful for the options that lie before me. But now, paradoxically, I'm facing a whole new set of problems related to "emotions regarding acceptance." It's actually causing a great deal of anxiety.

1 - A lot of applicants talk about taking another year to improve their applications and try again (usually by retaking the GRE, working in a research lab, trying to publish an article, etc). I think it would really take a lot for any of these strategies to succeed in turning even the brightest "typical" student into some of the prospective & current students I've been meeting on visits. The cohorts I have met have been full of truly truly talented people. Without getting too specific- we're talking folks who have done things along the lines of rowing alone across oceans, winning olympic medals, earning multiple advanced degrees, litigating famous cases, published book-length research manuscripts, managing national parks, leading major labor organizations. These are people who are not simply exceptionally bright. They have blazed trails in life, they could succeed in multiple careers and multiple fields. They don't really "need" sociology. ... and for the most part these folks are truly very charming, lovely, normal people. I am blown away and humbled by these people. The prospect of going to school with any of them this fall is both exciting and terrifying.

2 - I think of all the mentors who have helped me along the way in this process. I know they must have detailed some extremely high expectations for me in their reference letters (otherwise, I would certainly not have been admitted to the programs I am now considering). It pains me to know that those who know me have placed me in such high esteem, how am I ever going to live up to their expectations? A terrible fear of failure is starting to gnaw at my psyche.

3 - How on earth am I going to buckle down and be a student again? I cherish my 9-5 job, my weekends, my real person salary, my adult friends who are getting married, having kids, and already advancing far in non-academic careers. My peer group is buying houses, owning real cars, paying off student loans. I know without doubt that I was meant to be an academic, but will I really be able to spend weekends in the library, reading journal articles and writing reading summaries on Marx and Weber? How will I come home only to have to focus on a stack of reading instead of zonking out to insipid TV? Will it feel too much like being a 20 year old college student? Will I explode with frustration at having to call myself a student again? Will professors treat me like the adult that I am?

4 - And, sweet Jesus, assuming that I do survive the next 6-9 years of PhD life, it will only be to face yet another wall of new uncertainties and anxieties. I'll be a middle-aged dude plying the dreary depths of the shaky academic job market, lucky to land a post-doc position paying $40K a year (which, even by that time, will represent my maximum annual income ever).

Sigh. Anyone else having similar 'emotions regarding acceptance'?

I think you need to follow your heart. I especially like your option #2...living up to these expectations. You seem (online) like a reasonable guy. I wouldn't worry about it.

[sociology27]

I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about telling schools that I won't be attending; especially the ones (2 of which) that are recruiting me really hard. I haven't chosen yet but have a good idea, and I feel like I might be leading the rest on. It feels weird to be wanted and, knowing I can only choose one, I feel guilty about even applying to the other ones and making it seem in my app. that they were the one for me. I feel like the introspective prom queen.

... But prom queens don't get rejected by 60 percent of their schools.

Other than that, I feel great about this whole thing. I have some cool choices, all in nice locations, with good fits and decent placement records.

[tt503]

yup. and thank you!!

Congrats! Hopefully, I'll be as successful with ND next round as you were!

[princesspi]

1 - A lot of applicants talk about taking another year to improve their applications and try again (usually by retaking the GRE, working in a research lab, trying to publish an article, etc). I think it would really take a lot for any of these strategies to succeed in turning even the brightest "typical" student into some of the prospective & current students I've been meeting on visits. The cohorts I have met have been full of truly truly talented people. Without getting too specific- we're talking folks who have done things along the lines of rowing alone across oceans, winning olympic medals, earning multiple advanced degrees, litigating famous cases, published book-length research manuscripts, managing national parks, leading major labor organizations. These are people who are not simply exceptionally bright. They have blazed trails in life, they could succeed in multiple careers and multiple fields. They don't really "need" sociology. ... and for the most part these folks are truly very charming, lovely, normal people. I am blown away and humbled by these people. The prospect of going to school with any of them this fall is both exciting and terrifying.

2 - I think of all the mentors who have helped me along the way in this process. I know they must have detailed some extremely high expectations for me in their reference letters (otherwise, I would certainly not have been admitted to the programs I am now considering). It pains me to know that those who know me have placed me in such high esteem, how am I ever going to live up to their expectations? A terrible fear of failure is starting to gnaw at my psyche.

I completely feel you one #1 and #2. I am scared I am going to be part of those statistics of students who don't end up with their PhD. But, gosh, there have been so many times where I have fantasied about attending UO during my bike rides home at 11PM or 1AM and I am just so thrilled and scared. I am just going to go through with it! I can do this, we can do this and just "wing it" I guess.

[SocHope]

As someone who tends to obsess over details, I'm already trying to figure out how I'm going to rent a place, move my cat, public transportation, etc. And I'm not even 100% sure yet where I'll be which makes this pretty much an impossible task!

[MashaMashaMasha]

I can finally post in here. It's a really good feeling.

Congrats!

[MashaMashaMasha]

Caution- this post intended for those who are admitted and now facing the anxieties of acceptance.

I haven't been posting for awhile. I think a lot of my reticence has to do with being a bit self-conscious about the success I have had in this process.

These boards are full of people in all stages of acceptance/rejection/searching/finding/questioning/trying again. I know what it feels like to fail at something you really believe you want, and I've tried to offer encouragement to those whose expectations have not been met this time around.

I am extremely grateful for the options that lie before me. But now, paradoxically, I'm facing a whole new set of problems related to "emotions regarding acceptance." It's actually causing a great deal of anxiety.

1 - A lot of applicants talk about taking another year to improve their applications and try again (usually by retaking the GRE, working in a research lab, trying to publish an article, etc). I think it would really take a lot for any of these strategies to succeed in turning even the brightest "typical" student into some of the prospective & current students I've been meeting on visits. The cohorts I have met have been full of truly truly talented people. Without getting too specific- we're talking folks who have done things along the lines of rowing alone across oceans, winning olympic medals, earning multiple advanced degrees, litigating famous cases, published book-length research manuscripts, managing national parks, leading major labor organizations. These are people who are not simply exceptionally bright. They have blazed trails in life, they could succeed in multiple careers and multiple fields. They don't really "need" sociology. ... and for the most part these folks are truly very charming, lovely, normal people. I am blown away and humbled by these people. The prospect of going to school with any of them this fall is both exciting and terrifying.

2 - I think of all the mentors who have helped me along the way in this process. I know they must have detailed some extremely high expectations for me in their reference letters (otherwise, I would certainly not have been admitted to the programs I am now considering). It pains me to know that those who know me have placed me in such high esteem, how am I ever going to live up to their expectations? A terrible fear of failure is starting to gnaw at my psyche.

3 - How on earth am I going to buckle down and be a student again? I cherish my 9-5 job, my weekends, my real person salary, my adult friends who are getting married, having kids, and already advancing far in non-academic careers. My peer group is buying houses, owning real cars, paying off student loans. I know without doubt that I was meant to be an academic, but will I really be able to spend weekends in the library, reading journal articles and writing reading summaries on Marx and Weber? How will I come home only to have to focus on a stack of reading instead of zonking out to insipid TV? Will it feel too much like being a 20 year old college student? Will I explode with frustration at having to call myself a student again? Will professors treat me like the adult that I am?

4 - And, sweet Jesus, assuming that I do survive the next 6-9 years of PhD life, it will only be to face yet another wall of new uncertainties and anxieties. I'll be a middle-aged dude plying the dreary depths of the shaky academic job market, lucky to land a post-doc position paying $40K a year (which, even by that time, will represent my maximum annual income ever).

Sigh. Anyone else having similar 'emotions regarding acceptance'?

Oh, Chuck. I am SO with you on all of this. I've been out of school for 5 years. I really tried to highlight this professional experience as a strength, but now coming up on the recruitment weekend, I am about to meet a number of admitted students who are just plain brilliant and hard-workers and I'm supposed to be one of them?? Surreal.

I've re-directed my anxiety into making spreadsheets for the following:

1. Graduate school supplies

2. Course requirements (i mean, how else am I supposed to figure out my electives)

3. External funding sources

Re-directing helps me a LOT. I highly recommend becoming obsessive over something

[socieconomist]

I won't requote the above - but that's what I'm replying to. I will say that I also post only intermittently b/c of people being from different walks and in different stages of application process. But - I really found this to be an interesting source of anxiety, which really reminds me that people who go to grad school do so for ALL manner of reasons and come from ALL different backgrounds and I'd like to think that the relative strengths/weaknesses of folks in a specific department can compliment the others.

1) i'll pm you b/c i feel weird putting it out there about me in light of what has been said. But in short, if you were accepted, you're supposed to be there...you're seriously that good! You should feel confident that the admit committee knew what they were doing when they picked you. And congratulate yourself for the great and no doubt difficult work getting to this point!

2a) As opposed to a "terrible fear" of failure, an "appropriate fear" of failure can be an excellent motivator to succeed. 2b) when I was younger, much less mature in so many ways, my problem was rather an intolerable fear of success. What would it mean if I actually lived up to the potential others saw in me? I think it held me back in ways I probably still don't even realize. In the end, you just put one foot in front of the other...that's it...that's really all you can do. And, what I find... is it works. And success is surprizingly not all that scary... it's kinda fun even

3) This is oversimplifying, and I apologize ahead for it, but really? Put your Tv on Craig's List. 9-5's melt your brain (as does Tv), and if you're headed into PhD land, you clearly recognize how terrible melty brains are. I've been married for 4 years in May & that will mark 7 years in domestic partnership. I got married during my first round w/grad school (M.A.) and as I go into this round, my partner and I will likely be with child by autmn of this year. We're also homeowners, professionals, adjunct professors at great institutions of higher edu on the side, etc. I think the biggest mistake phd'ers make is seeing themselves as "students" instead of "junior colleagues" which is probably more appropriate in terms of terms & in light of the amount of work you'll (probably) be doing. Grad school (in my point of view) is work. It's a next phase in an upwardly mobile career. I find that folks who treat it as such, end up being very successful. I do think I'm a case in point. Ironically, again for me, grad school will actually be toning it back 3 or 4 notches... I'm going to enjoy the hell out of the 4-5 year R&R (*wakes up from dream - yea right! as if they'll be any downtime - lol - I always fill downtime w/more work). Alternatively, I also often see grad students get through PhD's and they've done very little along the way. We've all had crappy professors. One of my colleagues, in fact, is herself super-hesitant on returning to finish her PhD b/c, as she put it, she doesn't find PhD'ers to be all that smart...or accomplished...or anything really...and she doesn't want to be influenced by what she sees as lazy people. (said person is a young, rising all-star in the policy arena and one of my closest friends) Honestly, there are plenty of examples of these "best and brightests" who fit my colleague's description. But there are plenty of folks to counter those examples as well, and again, those folks are in this game to work. As far as treatment--I find that Profs, like anybody, treat students who behave like students as students and those who behave like junior colleagues as just that. But there will be some pretentious Prof who will surely snub the nose at you regardless of all the work you do or have done prior to grad school...who cares! chin up and walk on!

4. 6-9 years! I won't even contemplate my max further than your min. Perhaps a recalibration would help your mid-life crisis?? Also... consider job prospects more broadly when the time comes, which for all of us is a looooooong way off anyway. Among everything else currently happening, how can one even add that to the stress list. But still: policy, politics, consulting, think tanks, as you said re post docs, start a non-profit (where's your social entrepreneurial spirit!? ) You will be among the top 1-2% formally educated in the country... put ur brains to good, practical use and get a job you bum! <---semi-truthful humor ---> I'm sure you're no bum.

anyway - I have no idea if any of that is useful, sorry if it isn't, but it is the perspective of at least one person who is not have similar emotions regarding acceptance.

Best of luck! and Congrats again on be so awesome that you're in cohoots w/folks you see as humbling!

PS - Be less humbled!