A Two Body Problem

[an_internet_person]

My second question of the day (couldn't find much searching):

My long-term partner and I are more or less applying to all of the same universities-- different schools/programs. The problem is that I have to make a decision for a few of our* top-choice schools before they are slated to let my partner know about their acceptance/rejection.

Has anyone ever heard of someone's SO receiving an early review or any other sort of "special" info in such a situation? I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of broaching the topic with either of our programs:

Cons:

- I've heard schools actively discourage accepting non-legally-bound partners for fear of catastrophic drama, and don't want to give away our position... though I'm not sure how true this is.

- My programs may think that I am basing a decision solely upon my partner's status, when in actuality, we may utlimately decide that the academic/research/etc. advantages at certain schools outweigh the negatives of a long-distance relationship... though it clearly would be best to have all of our cards on the table before we force ourselves to make that decision.

Pros:

- Early notification, and it all works out super keenly.

- Maybe programs like to have partners together? Who knows.

Ah, I'm just a bit confused. Thanks kindly for any advice or thoughts or past/present experiences!

werd

[MediaMom]

Most graduate programs will not "force" you to make a decision before April 15; that should be true for both of you, regardless of which of you is notified of decisions first. This is so that people can make their choices based on all available information. It's only fair. If they are giving you a deadline of earlier than April 15, I would contact them and say that you're waiting to hear back from a few of the schools to which you've applied (even if you're not) and that you're not able to finalize your plans for the fall until you have all of your decisions. They should be accommodating in giving you a deadline extension. If they are not - well that might tell you everything you need to know about that program.

One concern - my understanding is that while they must hold your acceptance until April, they may not have to hold funding offers. Make sure that is clarified.

Good luck!

[ladyling]

When my husband (then my fiance) and I were applying to programs together (his for PhD, mine for MA), he knew before I did, and had to accept very early because of his fellowship. I called the department and asked for an early review, and they accepted me immediately. I think his acceptance actually helped me out a lot.

I've never heard of schools discouraging unmarried/civil union...ized partners before, and everyone I've spoken to who had a situation similar to mine had positive results, so I'd guess it's the opposite. I wouldn't give them too much information, though--just have your partner contact their departments and say that the two of you are trying to make decisions together but have your deadlines to contend with as a result.

[cyberwulf]

It is highly unlikely that schools will hold this against you in any way. It's much more likely (though far from certain) that they'll do their best to try to make things as easy as possible for you.