Declining Politely

[Guest pj]

Having chosen a university, I now have to decline a handful of offers, and I'm not sure what the protocol is for these two cases. To the professors with whom I have been in frequent e-mail and telephone contact, I sent a personalized note/made a personal phone call to let them know that I've declined, but I have a question about those professors with whom I've only been in partial contact. By partial contact, this would be the professors I e-mailed back in October to find out if they were taking grad students, and if my project was something they'd be willing to supervise if I got in. Most of those answers were brief yesses, and, after that, we had absolutely no contact. From one of the professors I never received a congratulatory e-mail, and from the other I was e-mailed simply because he was also grad director and had to send out the unofficial e-mail acceptances. Therefore, do I owe these individuals, as well, a separate e-mail? Especially the first one? Or would simply sending back the standard decline/accept form be adequate?

[Guest pj]

Having chosen a university, I now have to decline a handful of offers, and I'm not sure what the protocol is for these two cases. To the professors with whom I have been in frequent e-mail and telephone contact, I sent a personalized note/made a personal phone call to let them know that I've declined, but I have a question about those professors with whom I've only been in partial contact. By partial contact, this would be the professors I e-mailed back in October to find out if they were taking grad students, and if my project was something they'd be willing to supervise if I got in. Most of those answers were brief yesses, and, after that, we had absolutely no contact. From one of the professors I never received a congratulatory e-mail, and from the other I was e-mailed simply because he was also grad director and had to send out the unofficial e-mail acceptances. Therefore, do I owe these individuals, as well, a separate e-mail? Especially the first one? Or would simply sending back the standard decline/accept form be adequate?

[Guest ogo]

it's not an issue of what you "owe" but what is in your interest. you never want to make enemies and always want to make friends and spread good cheer. good deeds and respectful language have a way of making their way back to you. also, these college committee administrators have more or less difficult jobs and it behooves us to be nice to them. i wouldn't want it as my job to reject people.

[pace327]

I say err on the side of caution. I would send a personal email (doesn't have to be long, just a paragraph) to every professor you had individual relatively significant contact with (i.e. more than just a handshake and a "we hope you come here next year). It will save much potential embarassment down the road when you run into people at conferences, not to mention bad feelings about you when you are on the job market. Don't make it seem like you were for sure going to work with them, just say something like "Thank you for expressing your willingness to consider taking new students and for responding to my inquiry during the application process. I just wanted to let you know that I have decided to go in another direction for my graduate education. etc...". If my experience is common, you may get emails back asking you where you are going in the fall.

My rule: I give the dept. decision by phone if they personally notified me by phone. Then follow up email to everyone else I'd talked to for more than 2 minutes or whatever. If I got a letter accepting me with no personal contact, I send an email to the PhD program director.

It's not fun to do but the sooner you turn them down, they will appreciate it. Don't drag things out if you're definitely not going there.