Can I change my mind now? PLEASE HELP!

[Ritd]

Hey everyone,

I am freaking out and could definitely use some help.

I was accepted to a program (program #1) about six weeks ago. Over the next month, I decided I wanted to go there above most of the other programs I had yet to hear from. I had already been rejected from 4 or 5 schools. Program #1 offered me funding and gave me a courtesy deadline. I told them I wanted to come, even though I had a good chance of getting in to another program (program #2). I didn't think I wanted program #2.

Cut to a week later. I just got in to program #2 and I'm really upset for no reason. Program #1 is a much better fit in terms of interests, but that's not to say that program #2 is a bad fit. It's just not as good.

The other factors are not as clear-cut, though. Sure, I like the program and professors better at program #1, but it is located in a small city of 100,000 people. It's very far from home, I will know no one, and it's not in a desirable part of the country for me. I'm scared that if I go there, I will have no social life and be completely unhappy for 4 years. I'm also gay, so there's a good chance I'm going to be single my entire time there, which scares me because I'm at an age where I would really like to find love.

Program #2 is in one of the country's largest cities. It's more expensive to live in, and the money they are offering is not as good. It's about $1,400 more a year, but that does not make up for cost of living. There's also no health care (which program #1 offers) and funding is only for 3 years (versus 4 at program #1). That said, I feel that I'd be a lot happier in this city. It has culture, excitement, and a massive LGBT community. It is closer to home and flights are much cheaper. My friends would actually visit me.

Basically, I'm torn. But my question is not about which school to choose. It's this: can I even change my mind? I e-mailed that I accepted my offer to program #1 last week. Am I allowed to go back on that now? I'm not sure, as it's still before April 15. And I don't even know what I want to do. But I just want to know my options.

Has anyone ever accepted and then went back on their decision?

[nari27]

I'm actually kind of on the verge of accepting School 1 becuase they gave me a deadline, but I really want to attend School 2. I may accept school 1 and then recant to attend school 2. The way it works (I've heard) is that you need to write to school 1 and tell them that you no longer wish to attend. They will release you as a student, and then you can attend school 2. Although, if your school is part of the council of graduate schools (many are) you can withdrawl your name by writing them and telling them that you no longer wish to be a student, as long as you do it by April 15th. You won't have to wait to be "released" and they can offer the position/funding to someone else.

It does kind of sound like program #1 is pretty good and more affordable. Don't feel like the smaller town won't be as accepting, or that you won't meet anyone. Most college towns, even the small ones, tend to be pretty liberal and nearly every campus has LGBT groups on campus that can help you feel more at home. Is there any way that you can visit program #1 and see if you would like living there? Get a feel for the place and see if you could picture yourself waking up there everyday. The choice is up to you, but if I were you I would make sure that you feel comfortable no matter where you end up. Last thing you want is a year from now ending up hating the place you live and wanting to leave. But trying new things and moving to a new place is all part of the grad school experience right?! Good luck with your decision, and congrats on getting two acceptances!!! :-)

[Agradatudent]

Every school has some sort of LGBT presence. Don't worry yourself about that. From your description, #1 hands down.

[mallow]

I appreciate this thread. I am having a related issue: I am waiting to hear back from 3 schools. I also applied for several jobs in the past couple of months and have started to worry that if I either get into another school with a better offer, or get offered one of the jobs I applied for that I will be in a bad situation *if* I accepted the funded offer of admission I've received (and have not yet accepted). I am really hoping that this will all be sorted by April 15th but I appreciate hearing that it does happen that someone's circumstances might change after accepting an offer.

[nari27]

Resolution regarding graduate scholars, fellows, trainees and assistants.

" Students are under no obligation to respond to offers of financial support prior to April 15; earlier deadlines for acceptance of such offers violate the intent of this Resolution. In those instances in which a student accepts an offer before April 15, and sub- sequently desires to withdraw that acceptance, the student may submit in writing a resignation of the appointment at any time through April 15. However, an acceptance given or left in force after April 15 commits the student not to accept another offer without first obtaining a written release from the institution to which a commitment has been made. Similarly, an offer by an insti- tution after April 15 is conditional on presentation by the student of the written release from any previously accepted offer. It is further agreed by the institutions and organizations subscribing to the above Resolution that a copy of this Resolution or a link to the URL should accompany every scholarship, fellowship, traineeship, and assistantship offer. "

[joefc]

Has anyone ever accepted and then went back on their decision?

i also emailed one program and said that yes i would be going to a certain school, and then emailed a few weeks later saying no because i got a competing offer. youre fine. even if you already sent in the official yes, you can still find ways of opting out of it. you're good

i also had a similar decision between how good a program was and where it was located...though definitely not the most important thing, it IS a big deal. nobody wants you to be miserable for half a decade, not you and not your potential program. then again, you might not be as miserable as you think in this small town, especially since it will most likely be a college town which im assuming tend to be more liberal, unless we're talking college station east texas.

can i take a guess that program 1 is ithaca ny and 2 is in california?

Edited March 26, 2012 by joefc

[Babar_Suleman]

I don't think you should base your educational decision on what city has the bigger LGBT community. You want to fall in love with one person and they could just as well be in the smaller city as they could be in that gay capital you speak of.

But of course, if you want to have a lot of fun and value community above other factors, that go for program 2. Otherwise it should be program #1 all the way.

[Ritd]

Thanks, everyone. I decided not to change my mind in the end.

And, no, not Ithaca and not anywhere in California. But Ithaca totally trumps where I'm headed. It's way closer to home, close to NYC, and (I've heard) pretty gay! And California would be a dream.

Ah. Decision is made and I'm at peace with it. Again, thank you all.

[hungry]

but it is located in a small city of 100,000 people.

That's a pretty big city in my book! Maybe if you're coming from LA or NY it might not seem that way, but I don't think you will be lonely.

[stellarowl12]

Hey guys, what if we want to change our minds after submitting the Statement of Intent to register.....does submitting that form change anything? Is it more binding than an email agreement to join?