Ritd

Thanks, everyone. I decided not to change my mind in the end. And, no, not Ithaca and not anywhere in California. But Ithaca totally trumps where I'm headed. It's way closer to home, close to NYC, and (I've heard) pretty gay! And California would be a dream. Ah. Decision is made and I'm at peace with it. Again, thank you all.

I don't know if I agree with everyone. I'm kind of in the opposite situation. I got into two programs and one of them is a much better fit. The issue is that it is in a very small city, far from home, and offers little dating opportunities for a gay male in his late twenties. It's very much an undergrad town. In the midwest. So I'm scared that I'm going to graduate at 31 or 32 and be completely single - still. And that frightens me, because it's not what I want from life. I'm very much a family-oriented person who wants the white picket fence. I'm tempted to pick the school/program that is a worse fit just because it's in a massive city. One poster here said a family man would be easier to find than another PhD program in the future. I disagree. Love doesn't just happen all of the time. And if you got in to three programs, chances are that you could get in to others that are a bit closer to home. If it's true love, and you feel it in your bones that this is the person for you, I think you should re-apply next year to places in your city/a short commute away. But that's coming from an extremely single person.

Can you change your mind if you have accepted an offer already (through e-mail)? A second offer came in and I'm second guessing my decision, which I thought was firm.

Hey everyone, I am freaking out and could definitely use some help. I was accepted to a program (program #1) about six weeks ago. Over the next month, I decided I wanted to go there above most of the other programs I had yet to hear from. I had already been rejected from 4 or 5 schools. Program #1 offered me funding and gave me a courtesy deadline. I told them I wanted to come, even though I had a good chance of getting in to another program (program #2). I didn't think I wanted program #2. Cut to a week later. I just got in to program #2 and I'm really upset for no reason. Program #1 is a much better fit in terms of interests, but that's not to say that program #2 is a bad fit. It's just not as good. The other factors are not as clear-cut, though. Sure, I like the program and professors better at program #1, but it is located in a small city of 100,000 people. It's very far from home, I will know no one, and it's not in a desirable part of the country for me. I'm scared that if I go there, I will have no social life and be completely unhappy for 4 years. I'm also gay, so there's a good chance I'm going to be single my entire time there, which scares me because I'm at an age where I would really like to find love. Program #2 is in one of the country's largest cities. It's more expensive to live in, and the money they are offering is not as good. It's about $1,400 more a year, but that does not make up for cost of living. There's also no health care (which program #1 offers) and funding is only for 3 years (versus 4 at program #1). That said, I feel that I'd be a lot happier in this city. It has culture, excitement, and a massive LGBT community. It is closer to home and flights are much cheaper. My friends would actually visit me. Basically, I'm torn. But my question is not about which school to choose. It's this: can I even change my mind? I e-mailed that I accepted my offer to program #1 last week. Am I allowed to go back on that now? I'm not sure, as it's still before April 15. And I don't even know what I want to do. But I just want to know my options. Has anyone ever accepted and then went back on their decision?