Relationships with (married) lab members

[Mcdb2015]

Ok I am in way over my head. I am a phd student and one of the junior postdocs in my lab has decided he is in love with me. He is married with a wife and kid. He is Indian, I am American. I like him but more as a close friend than lover. He has been to my house several times and tonight he kissed me and I kissed him back.

Any advice anyone??? I still have three years in the lab

[Katzenmusik]

Wow. This is an awkward situation for you to be in, but I would say to avoid one-on-one contact with him, don't talk to him outside of work, and don't invite him over to your house. If he doesn't get your subtle "back off" signals (possibly as a result of cultural differences), you should tell him directly, in no uncertain terms, that you aren't interested. What he's doing isn't right on multiple levels (he has a family, he outranks you, you don't even want a relationship with him... etc. etc.). You don't want your life to swirl down with his.

[milam1186]

I echo Katzenmusik's thoughts. That's a rough situation to be in and the only thing to do is make sure you don't lead him on. Don't let him be alone with you... and if he persists, don't worry about hurting his feelings. Its your reputation to keep.

And I'm sure he is mistaking his lust for love.

[hope4fall2012]

There is no way this can end well and I guess on some level you already know that. Even without him being in the same lab, this would be a bad idea, what with the wife and kid and everything.

If you have 3 years left to complete your PhD, you must be just getting started with your research, after your qualifiers. The complications arising out of things ending badly with a lab mate could really affect your research at a vital period. It will be really uncomfortable if you'll have to collaborate on a project or do even something smaller like teaching a course together. I know that this might be insinuating a tad too much, but you might end up being a victim of sabotage if the other person ends up with a grudge.

End it. And try to end it on good terms. Being just one kiss, it shouldn't be 'that' hard.

[ktel]

It seems like it hasn't progressed too far, so you should be able to end it now without it blowing up into something huge. The fact that he is married with a kid should help, actually, because I doubt he'll want to make a big scene in front of anyone because he won't want them to know.