Gosh, I hate regrets

[memepool]

Last year I got into some fairly sweet programs in English/media studies, but ended up turning them all down when I got a surprise offer of a pretty lucrative one-year contract job doing software development for a startup -- I have an alternate life as a coder, which I dropped to go back for an MA upon realizing that I hated coding for a living. I figured, though, why not give it another shot, and, anyway, it'd pay off all my student loans... and knowing that it was just for a year allowed me to be pretty shameless about spending my non-working hours aggressively applying to schools hither and yon.

Well, money's nice, but programming for a living still makes me miserable (I know, poor me...). So, I got back into one of the programs that had accepted me the previous year, though not necessarily one I'd consider a dream school -- it's a lovely place and the department has quite a few people I'm looking forward to possibly getting to work with[1], but the school is somewhat geographically isolated and, more importantly, not nearly enough of a name to make me feel comfortable about my job market prospects coming out of it. For the rest of the schools I've applied to, though... reading the tea leaves at the results list on this site indicates pretty clearly that I'm not getting back into at least one of the programs that a) I very badly wanted, and accepted me last year. I'm guessing this "get accepted, turn them down, apply again" thing marks me as a dilettante.

So, anyway, as problems go mine aren't so bad. I'm sitting on one acceptance, I'm debt-free, yadda yadda. But oh man do I want the schools I turned down last year...

[1]: I'm almost anxious posting this, since I'm afraid that some of those profs might be idly reading this site. But -- the people there know that if [foo] or [bar] or (*crosses fingers*) [baz!] accepts me, that's where I'm going.

[GirlattheHelm]

We live and learn. Life is nothing without regrets since those are the proof you stumbled trying to live it...

But enough of nauseating platitudes - it's also really freakin' scary - as you're finding out when facing the feeling of, "Did I make a big oops?" What's more awful? Well, for starters you really could have shot yourself in the foot...however, that doesn't mean you did!

My advice is to take this part of the experience as a learning curve. Then sit back and don't let it torture you until you hear another word about where you could possibly be getting in. That's all you can do right now. Wasting away worrying about it is pretty much it unless you can dump that load of crap and go do something else. Live life. Make another really horrible mistake that compounds your time - like random one night stands or buying a kid off the street. Something! Anything!

And, hell, while you're at it, start a drinking habit*. It always helps me when I do things that could ultimately bite me in the bum...

*Note: Don't do it; it's a trick!

[memepool]

Ah, thank you very much for your kind words/advice, though, uh, I don't think I'll go quite as far with the making other mistakes as you suggest!

One thing I'm doing on the living-life front is absolutely positively not looking at the results list on this site anymore -- it's just too much torture. What I realized is that if last year I had been checking the site and making the assumptions I'm making this year, I would have been convinced that the program I'm angsting about had rejected me then, too. And... the schools I consider completely and totally dreamy still haven't made any decisions whatsoever. It's just so annoying how hard it is to reason oneself out of regrets, y'know? If I had been told I'd get into into [good but not quite ideal program] two years ago, I'd be beside myself with joy. Objectively, I know I'll fit in well there. However...

Good luck with your programs, btw! Even though I think the results search is kind of diabolical, the commiseration community the forums provide is invaluable...

[GirlattheHelm]

Good luck with your programs, btw! Even though I think the results search is kind of diabolical, the commiseration community the forums provide is invaluable...

Yeah, going in cold makes a person happy in ignorance. And, while the search results are indeed kind of evil, everything is in some way the Devil in disguise. The problem is when people take it too much to heart - like allowing the results to bother us.

Think of it this way: If an institution invites me/you to attend, then let the problem being deciding if you are going or not. Until then there are no options anyway, so why does it matter right now?

I know, I know... it does. But not the way we think it does.

Do manage to go have a drink, though. If you have one thing to celebrate, it's getting the damn applications in anyway.