Rejection after rejection... Is it even worth another try?

[mlt_unc]

I've read many of the other posts on the subject of getting completely shut out for the application season, but I've hit rock bottom with it. I graduate in three days cum laude with an MFA. I have a 3.85 in Art History courses (24 credits worth), several of which have been at the grad level. The director of my program wrote one of my LOR. I'm a published artist, I've won awards. But apparently I'm not good enough for grad school. I got completely shut out. My only hope is that I get accepted into the post bac program at my alma mater. How do I even go about re-applying? Is it even worth it? I'll be adding an internship at a major museum to my resume, and hopefully another year of school. But is that enough to make me worth looking over again? I've already written a completely new writing sample and had one of my art history professors proof it and work with me on it.

But my biggest question is: is there hope? I hardly know anyone who even has a job after graduation related to their major. I only know one person who got into grad school. I've always thought art history is what I want to do with my life, but I'm beginning to lose hope.

I'm also apparently horribly unlucky. I received an informal acceptance letter from my top choice, only to get a letter a few days later rejecting me. I also had my application lost by my back up school, and it didn't get forwarded to the department until after they had filled all of the spots in the program.

[comm1980]

You mean a BFA?

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

But my biggest question is: is there hope?

Yes, yes there is.

Are you going to feel like shit for at least a couple of months, and want to burn down your house/apartment/car/the local Starbucks because it was where you opened your rejection letter/e-mail? Definitely.

Will kindly platitudes like "there's always next year" and "never give up!" make you grit your teeth on the good days and want to choke Cheerful Charlie on the bad days? You betcha.

But you're still alive. You're already thinking about the next year and you're already writing a second writing sample with input from a trusted professor. You have plans for the next year. And you're consulting Grad Cafe and doubtless other sources of information/advice to figure out a new and better strategy for the next time 'round.

At the risk of teeth-gritting, I'll quote Mary Pickford: "You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down.”

That was what kept me going after the shut-out last year. Maybe you'll find another line that refreshes you, or maybe an image or anecdote will work (hang in there cat?), or perhaps your own sense of purpose will serve. Find something, though. Recover, regroup, repair, prepare.

Self-pity won't help, but it will feel good for at least another few weeks, so ride it as long as it doesn't interfere with your life. It's okay to feel terrible. Shit happens, and this shit is personal. You put your self - your aspirations, your future, your abilities - on the line, and it was denied. That rescinded informal acceptance sounds particularly brutal.

This is the time to take stock of who you are and what you are doing. Some people may say that you should only do things with which you are successful - the more immediately, the better. Some people may say that the rejection is a sign to stop and branch out into another direction. Fuck that. None of this "when the door closes, a window opens" nonsense. Try knocking again, or turning the goddamn handle.

You do need to think of the long view, however. Are you doing this because you want to be a curator, professor, conservator, consultant, author, critic, etc? Or are you doing this because you are pretty good at writing essays and you enjoy art history and you're staying in school for as long as possible waiting for an opportunity to open up? I know that sounds like accusing someone of avoiding the "real world", the most inflammatory thing that can be lobbed at a grad student, but it is something to ask yourself over and over again until the question doesn't seem personally insulting. When you have an answer, a long-range goal that doesn't depend on other people throwing money at you for showing up, that definitely requires the academic runaround, then you'll have the core desire to persevere despite short-term setbacks.

Getting into graduate school is passing the first of a dozen culls that await the academic. I presume you've applied for a PhD. There's the cull for funding, the cull for presenting, the cull for publishing, the cull for post docs, the cull for jobs, the cull for tenure-track positions, the cull for tenure. At every level there are more applicants than positions and for the most part it's a new body of people at every stage. Imagine trying to climb the corporate ladder but every time you want to get anything done you have to introduce yourself to an entirely different company. It sucks. Charisma and intelligence are vital for success, but you need just as much grit, stamina, and ability to absorb defeat and move on. Think about how you feel getting defeated by an application season now. Can you deal with that disappointment in five years when you lose a post doc? In ten years when you still aren't on a tenure track?

If the answer is yes, well, you know what to do - and if you don't, there are plenty of people on here who can give you re-application advice. If the answer is no or maybe, well, you've got a couple months before the next year's applications are due. Are there other things in your life that you can focus on and thereby have a place to rest yourself when faced with defeat? Are your friendships and family relationships well-maintained? Do you have extracurricular hobbies or alternative skills that you can cultivate? Is there any way to volunteer or intern with people who do what you think you want to do?

Despair is natural in the face of defeat, but it's up to you whether you want this defeat to be temporary or permanent. I want to give you anecdotal evidence, but every person is different and no one can or ought to follow in someone else's foot steps. Is there hope? Yes, if you want there to be.

[losemygrip]

How many schools did you apply to?