SOP Intro Review...

[andruw000]

Program: school psychology, PhD

Research interests: the emotional and behavioral issues of children (including LGBT when applicable), particularly fear, depression, and anxiety and their relation to academic and social functioning in schools.

Introduction:

Growing up is hard. As contrived as it sounds, it’s unequivocally true. Children deal with a variety of emotional, behavioral, and academic challenges that have a salient affect on their success in school. On many occasions during my primary and secondary studies, I felt stupid, scared, depressed, and worst of all, alone. What I’ve discovered over the past four years as an educator is that my experiences were hardly uncommon, rather, nearly all students face these same challenges at some point during their youth. And while most children are able to overcome these problems on their own or with the help of a parent or teacher, others cannot. This is the primary reason why I want to study school psychology. That is, to be a child-advocate for the “others”; an expert that can research the specific issues related to fear, depression, and anxiety, assess for the causes, and develop a plan to alleviate them. As a teacher, I often find myself frustrated observing the problems students face, but not possessing the education, experience, or skills necessary to identify the causes and treat them. As a result, I would like to develop these skills by studying school psychology at (insert university).

My following paragraphs will be tailored to the specific program, professors, and correlated research interests. In addition, I will discuss my educational and work background.

Are there any thoughts or opinions on my introduction? Does my earnestness come through?

Edited August 1, 2012 by andruw000

[fuzzylogician]

I like this a lot! The very beginning was a little cliche for me (maybe a lot, if you're going to be applying to schools where many people with similar interests to yours apply, and hence may see many similar openings) - but the continuation is clear and captivating. Without knowing anything about your field, I found it very convincing. It did sound like you know what you're talking about.

[minke]

I think you could omit the first two sentences without losing any content. I agree, this is a well-focused paragraph and a strong intro.

[rems]

I think you could omit the first two sentences without losing any content. I agree, this is a well-focused paragraph and a strong intro.

I agree with this. This opening is great -- clear, strong, CLEAN, interesting, demonstrates passion and just enough info to suggest you actually know what you're talking about. The first two sentences are a little generic, and don't really say a lot about you or what you want to do. I would start with the third sentence.

All-in-all, this is a great intro paragraph.