Cold feet ... why do I want a PhD again?

[chuck_b]

So, I am a EE major and I have applied for PhD programs, but I am having cold feet about the whole thing ...

I am currently doing research and I am not always thrilled to be at lab, which should not and can not be the case in grad school. I guess I applied to grad school because getting a job this year is really very tough.

Is grad school really going to be painful? And can I give up the next 5 years without any regrets?

[void]

Probably if you look at grad school as "giving up 5 years," this may be a sign you want to reevaluate. Plus one should not go to graduate school primarily because they fear the job market. Maybe it might be a good idea for you to take some time working for a year or so to evaluate if this is something you really want to pursue.

[psycholinguist]

I agree; it sounds as if you're giving yourself a red-flag. The best reason to go to grad-school is an unquenchable desire to keep doing original work in your field. I'd take a step back, do something different, and give it some thought from a distance.

[miratrix]

I am totally having these thoughts right now. It's really the idea of crazy work hours that kill me, I want to go to grad school but I also want a life rather than 12 hour work days....

[cupcake_phd]

no one is every 150% thrilled with something all the time.

grad school is your job. the question isn't if you like your job 150% of the time, the question is if you find your job satisfying in general. so i think what you're feeling is realistic.

[sonnyday]

I'm always having cold feet about pretty much everything I do (I also had doubts recently because I have a job that I absolutely love and will be sad to give up). But normally unless there are strikingly obvious reasons for NOT doing something, its just a matter of choosing what path you want to take and not being sure of where either one will lead you--if you decide to work, you'll probably have cold feet about that too. Doesn't mean you shouldn't be doing something or shouldn't move forward; it just means you're human, and you have fears and doubts that are normal.

Anything you choose to do to make a living will have its fun or interesting parts, and its really hard ones, if you want to excel in anything. Even football players and rock stars have the practice they must go through. A little sweat doesn't mean you've made the wrong choice. Think of it this way: You're gonna sweat either way at some point--but in what setting/profession do you think it is worth doing so in general? Personally, I'd rather be sweating and bitching throughout doing my own research than while at a desk taking orders from someone else indefinitely and not making the direct impact I want to make in this world. Others might think its better to be working more directly in the field rather than doing research that may not amount to much of anything. Don't dwell on it, but make a choice and stick to it. That's pretty much what everyone else does throughout life.

[Yellow#5]

I want to go to grad school but I also want a life rather than 12 hour work days....

I have a 12 hour work day now. Anywhere you go, you will eventually work your way up to the 12 hour work day. It's better to do it in an area you love, than one you just fall into paying your rent.

[miratrix]

I don't think that's the case, I know plenty of people with successful and interesting careers who don't have 12 hour work days (with occasional exceptions for big projects, but 12 hours is not normal). Not doctors and lawyers specifically, but professionals in several other fields.

[riss287]

I usually read from 12 noon until midnight or so for my undergrad, so the 12 hour days aren't really scaring me, as long as I know I can get it done and have a little free time on weekends. I am having cold feet too... not really because I don't want to go, but because I'm afraid after five years, I'll have to move in with my parents again because I won't be able to get a job.

[Boz]

It's definitely a huge commitment, but whenever I find myself wondering if it's too difficult, too time-consuming, too stressful, etc., I remember that I still wouldn't be nearly as happy or fulfilled doing anything else. One of my TAs from college who had worked for a company before starting grad school said that he never regretted choosing an academic existence over the lucrative job: as a grad student, he was always reading, studying, and teaching, but he was always engaged in something that he loved; out in the world of business, although he only worked 9-5, he just found himself living for the weekends all of the time, which he eventually recognized as a kind of depressing lifestyle (for him--obviously, many people do find happiness in this kind of work).

So, if you're wondering if you'll have to "give up the next 5 years," as if it were a sacrifice, then I would definitely think hard about what kind of an occupation would be most satisfying (not necessarily either prestigious or well-paid) and the best investment of your time and energy. In my TA anecdote, I wasn't suggesting that either kind of "work" was better than the other--only that, on a personal level, one will feel right and the other not so much. What constitutes a "waste of time" is relative and depends entirely on you and what you want out of life.

Feeling nervous about grad school is completely normal. In fact, it demonstrates that you probably have a realistic view of how challenging it will be and, yes, at times, "painful"--at least you're not naive about it. At this point, I think that you should look back on what inspired you to apply in the first place, and I hope that all of your old enthusiasm and sense of purpose will come back. If not, then maybe you'd better start looking elsewhere. Best of luck!